the pleasure of pleasing.

i woke up, turned on my pc, surfed the net and all the bad things just went brushing off my face. i caught myself reading, had my heartbeat go faster, almost cried, and geez... i thought... in this life... how many times do we really have to be nice and explain things for everybody you want to be a part of your own life?

ive never grown weary doing that. in fact, even if it bleeds my heart, i still try to exert effort when at the same time in the back of my head, i know that theres a big percentage that i wont be listened to. sino ba naman ako?.. well that sounded a bit dramatic and pathetic but there will always come a time that you ask your very own self-importance. coz all the while, the memories you try to keep and treasure.. will just be a big box of junk, youre afraid to throw away. having all kinds of false hope just to see that everything will just be on its normal state.

isnt everybody afraid to die unhappy now? and wow.. is this life THIS meaningless for others? why do we always forget to understand and demand whats very difficult for us to have? especially if we try to ask security from a person whose insecure than the one demanding it? i dont get it.

i had friends. until everybody went nowhere. gone one by one. i still have my old friends though. and i think... people shouldnt have new friends. because it would really take time for us to establish the friendship and define where it is when one of them asks. we couldnt be offguard. every night, we always have to re-evaluate. but again, its unpredictability is more than the word itself.

i cant be myself anymore. i might lose some people but... its where its heading right? i couldnt just save friendships all by myself.

im sad. and im sorry. but i have to cling on to my sanity.

sense of time.

i fckin lost it. well i woke up at around 5pm, ate fishballs for er... breakfast/lunch/pre-dinner whatever you may call it, then went to the neighbor's. nakipagkwentuhan til 8pm then nagpunta sa bahay ng sister ko. so mike texted at around 11pm. "kuya... san ka? pupunta ka pa ba?" and i asked where? saguijo raw. eh sabi ko "ano ba sa 28 pa yun. bukas pa." ay. 28 pala ngayon. :s TANGA.

weirdly, i was wearing my old CAT uniform, just got a jacket (coz geez, twas raining so hard) got wet, and just in time, imago na ang sasalang. then updharmadown was next. i know i had one of those great gigs but...

my flu, a lil migraine, and fever is killing me now. just got home coz pattoys, mike and i waited til 430 for mike's bus. wow los banos pa sha uuwi. "ano ba naman yung tatlong oras na byahe. ang lapit kaya." sabi nya.

"so pag 20 minutes lang ang byahe mo.. i think you need another term for that."

again, i introduced myself to armi and paul. alam na kaya nila na ako ako. hahahaha. i am such a fan.

**********

"...ikaw ang iniisip tuwing ngumingiti ako..."

jesus h. christ

shet ang init. i swear to any higher being... ang init talaga. i wonder kung nasa deserted island ako tapos ganito kainit... malamang sa tubig ako natulog. anyway speaking of... (hmm wow segue)

edited 345pm: claire and dea... sorry i got you confused. i was way being excited, i didnt make any sense when i read it. lol for some interested people and wanted to read this but doesnt know how... just highlight it between spoiler start til spoiler end. lj cut doesnt work for others who dont want to read it.

LOST season 02 episodes 13-16

[spoiler start]
13: twas about sawyer at first. started when jack went through all his things trying to get his stash of painkillers. conned locke, kate and almost everybody so locke could hide the guns somewhere and take it out of the safe. had a flashback of her girlfriend (i honestly think he loved her) who had 600k$ out of her divorce. proving that *sigh* sawyer was a bad guy after all. (well who would know since the unpredictability of the series is way weirder than barney being purple.) he made charlie (shempre secret pa to until nung end ng episode na si charlie junkie pala) put a bag on sun's head, tied her up then sawyer made kate think that it was all about ana lucia trying to build an army and get the guns. so kate told sawyer to go to locke and in the end... twas all about sawyer getting all of it. "welcome the new sheriff in town."

14: ana lucia saw someone in the woods so she called for sayid. twas the i-was-stranded-for-16-years-and-i-lost-my-child-named-alex french chick, russo (oh i forgot she had a name). she caught one of "the others" then sayid cut the trap, let him go, then yellow 4 russo here went playing put an arrow on the running guy's shoulder. they went to the hatch so they could take it out but before that... sayid wanted to know his story. afterwards, when the wound was taken care of... he locked henry (that guy they caught) inside the empty gun safe, and then he tortured him. jack was furious coz he wanted to take him out but locke changed the safe's combination so they had this "petty fight" (LQ lang lol) when the hatch alarm went off making john open the safe and ran towards the computer,, and a little too late, he typed the codes but something (and yeah my heartbeat stopped. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT???? somethin like a missile launching... at tangina baduy ha kung para dun lang yung ineencode nila).

15: episode about claire (not claire hot mtv vj chick huh lol) trying to remember the lost 2 weeks of her life where she was abducted by ethan, one of "the others", got her inside a hidden lab somewhere in the middle of the jungle (and under the jungle i say). aaron got sick then when russo the french chick saw her saying... aaron needed the vaccine then she vaguely remembered that ethan got her one. reason why she cant remember anything coz she was drugged and russo's lost kid was the one who helped her escape the lab. so they serached for it and when kate, claire and russo found the lab, kate saw a locker room inside.. with uh.. costumes and a theatrical glue. (see how weird that sounded). no medicine was found but aaron's rashes were gone after a couple of days. (made me thinking... were there any weird diseases coming on the next episodes? i mean why would russo talk about quarantining the baby?) oh and this guy henry (one of the other) tried brainwashing locke talking about jack overshadowing him, making decisions. locke was unbelievably affected. pft. bakla.

16: after sun being "attacked", jin became overlly protective. so its their flashback. twas the guy's third day inside the safe. john told ana lucia about him... talked to the guy.. (saying that they had a big-smiley hotair balloon cruise, then they crashed, wife dies and so on) making him draw a map where he said he buried his wife. ana lucia kept it from jack and locke, told sayid and charlie about it so they went inside the jungle and searched. sun is pregnant. weird bcoz jin couldnt produce any uh... yeah. he just cant, okay?! i dunno if its a sick miracle or what. its just weird. and no she didnt cheat. hopefully its not a patricia javier involved manuscript. anyway, jack let henry out for cereal, then henry just uttered "thank god im not one of them. coz i gave ana lucia a map (john, jack looking towards each other asking if they knew about it but..), you really had some trust issues. coz if im one of them, ill be trapping them in a secluded place, (i heard a word cave somewhere there.. <---oh this is me, xavier, talking) making my people get them in exchange of me. but, you know, thank god im not one of them. oh do you have milk?" O_o WEIRD PSYCHO!!!
[spoiler end]

i dont know what comes up next. its getting crazier i swear.

**********

humidity will never be fun.

i have a very terrible cough (i dont even know if its cough. i just feel very heavy inside). it has been one week since i started my no smoking campaign on myself.

went to maps' mtv homecoming. imago/sandwich played and wow... was i missing that kind of fun the past couple of months? insane. i even told chuckie that i wanted to slam, unfortunately, i had a 4'10" 16-yr-old girl beside me. its high school for petes sake.

zach wasnt there so raims took over. ever heard of spolarium with that original drumbeat with a twist of imago's sound? watch out for that episode. hope the sound quality is as better. u know tv. bleh. unless u have a surround sound system.

was reading my past blogsite. weird. i rant a lot huh. and twas all about office stuff. and food. and mush. annoying.

so people really change. i thought i havent.

"i just wanna be on the beach!"

SUNBURN!!!!

one of those days.

well its basically about the sm north edsa gig ng hale. really really good. the sound system was so good. the lights... ugh. after the gig... ayun na. too bad di ako nakahabol kina wawa, sherylle and LT. suppsedly susunod ako sa starbucks pero nung ittxt ko sila.. nagsiuwian na.

champ, hazel, mamu, joal, cecil, lea and anna went to jt's para kumain. then since wala ng magawa dahil naudlot ang aming videoke session, si champ, lea, cecil and anna went to our house to meet my family. ng 1am. lolz supposedly papanoorin ang unedited version ng tollgate at nung nescafe mtv. pero dahil hindi mabasa ng mga players dun... nagpunta na lang sila sa place ko.

somebody dropped valium in my c2. kaya ngayon bangag ako. z_z


anna took this shot. <3 luv u anna!!!


oh btw... roll will be one of my co-cd reviewers sa magazine namin. hehehehe. hooray!!! hope luli could tell mads (our editor) as soon as possible.

[none]

just came home from bulacan. 's place is sooooo good.

first, champ, hazel, , , and i went to sm north edsa to meet up. mamu, joal, and were on a different car.

cecil's grandma's house were full of historical things. i mean cmon... the house is more than a century and it's got this 1860 vault, ref, study table, fire extinguisher and a lot more. ang ganda sobra. her grandma also wrote this cookbook WITH a lot of historical stories huh. sobrang wow. but the ghost stories... uh lets not talk about that.

sumakay kami sa elf (and hooray for ROTC huh), para magpunta sa fishpond nila. sumakay muna kami ng boat for 15 minutes. magkatabi si champ tsaka mamu, si hazel tsaka lea, then ako with manong captain. sigaw ng sigaw si mamu. daming kangkong huh. lol@kangkungan. no wonder rabbits love kangkong. pagdating dun and i jumped on this hammock coz it really looked fun and relaxing but no... tumaob ako, leaving a scratch sa aking left arm. and first thing na pagdating, para akong gumulong sa lupa dahil sa dumi. tawa kami ng tawa nina lea kasi mukha akong tanga dun. akala ko kami lang nakakita, yun pala buong family ni cecil. hahahahahahahaaha






tapos andami naming kinain. lets begin with lunch. tilapia (given na nasa tilapia fishpond kami AT ANG DAMI!), shrimps, crabs, wrapped rice, parus (ba yun? yung violet clams?) tapos nag-mangga pa sila. gamit lang namin eh dahon ng saging. tapos merienda, (in which i truly enjoyed!!!!) cheetos, tostitos, cheese dip, spuds bbq, la-la at kung anu ano pa. then naglaro kami ng 123 pass. tapos naglakad sa mga pilapil, nagcamwhore sa gitna ng bukid, waited for sunset, namangka, nangisda, nagduyan, nagbonfire, naggitara at naglakad lakad. not to mention (na ngayon lang ako nakakita) a tree full of fireflies. at ang tandem namin ni champ na crocodile hunters (plus the accents). priceless.

then sobrang pagod... hinatid kami ni champuy sa kanya kanyang bahay. tenks brader. babawi ako by selling the shirts. and i promise next month when i renew my license.. ako na ang official driver mo. promise yan.

sobra sobrang memorable. educational yet relaxing. next stop... ilocos. hehehe. and boracay. let summer begin. :D

Ryan.

my all time favorite smallville character. he was in season 1 episode 16 and season 2 episode 8 where a kid was accidentally hit by clark's mom and unfortunately this kid, ryan, has a special ability on reading a persons mind (on what that person is presently thinking of) which was abused by his stepdad and his present girlfriend by making ryan know a vault's combination or even lex's account password. when the kents took care of him, he wondered why cant he read clark's. he got his answer by snooping around martha kent's thoughts but made a promise to clark that he wont be telling anyone. when he was abducted again by his greedy abusive stepdad, clark saved him (of course thats given) then they actually thought of adopting him after the incident, since clark doesnt have any sibling. unfortunately, ryan has an aunt that could serve as his guardian.

season 2 showed ryan being "observed" in sommerholt institute, had a headache then nosebleed, made the doctor divert his attention to his assistant, escaped and crawled inside the air vent and made a call to the kents. clark eventually helped him escape, doctor went to the authorities but lex stopped it by calling some lawyers and investigators. ryan told that his aunt freaked out the moment she discovered ryan's abilities when he had a checkup after his frequent headaches and nosebleeds reason why he was sent to sommerholt for observation. during his visit to lex's mansion, seeing lex's first issue of his favorite comic "warrior angel", he had a severe headache which caused him to collapse. he was rushed to smallville hospital, then clark discovered that he had a big brain tumor (reason why he had ESP), which was made severe during the experiment at sommerholt. lex knew a doctor that could make his tumor shrink but that doctor is leaving for helsinki. using his sonic speed, clark went straight to the doctor and had the biggest hope that ryan would survive after that famous doctor perform his surgery on ryan. unfortunately, nothing happened. when clark visited him at the hospital.. ryan said.. "every year for my birthday, i wish for my own aerodrome, so i could fly high above the earth. up there it would seem that all problems are small and far away." then he had an attack that seemed so painful saying that everythings loud. so clark got a hotair balloon then made everything perfect for ryan. and i swear... when dishwalla's angels and devils played with ryan saying that everything's perfect and clark shouldnt be angry or sad coz he changed his life... i just realized..

oh shit. i am really such a drama sucker.