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ive been drinking straight, everyday, since may 14.

hi im xavier. and im an alcoholic.

nah. sunud sunod lang ang okasyon. at may inuubos lang akong gamot. *winks*

funny though... i am open about it with my family and friends. its not substance abuse i tell ya.. masarap lang talaga matulog and laging maganda ang mga araw ko. kahit ngayong maysakit ako... ok lang. di ako nadedepress, hindi ako nagiisip ng kagaguhan. pero ayokong i-justifgy na sobrang tama sha. at least i still have control of myself.

may aunt gave me anti-depressants and gamot sa heart. galing germany. wag na raw akong magvalium. mas maganda raw yun kasi tulog agad ako. i love my family.

sabi ko.. "hindi ba masama yan auntie... eh para sa heart yan??"
sabi nya... "gamot nga e. e di maganda sa puso."

O_o hahahahahahahahaha. matinong tao tong kausap ko ha. disciplinarian pa yan. lang halong biro.

anyway...

**********

claire, one of the hottest babes (that could never EVER ever be replaced.. 2nd place after the cheche and elisha cuthbert tie-up) tagged me.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
Another FridaY Morning - Hale
nye. its monday.

Will you get far in life?
Oklahoma - Billy Gilman
hahahahahahaha. wtf.

How do your friends see you?
especially fo you - MYMP
*blushes*

Will you get married?
Number five with a bullet - taking back sunday
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

What is your best friend's theme song?
The closer i get to you - Nina
AHA. friends pala ha.

What is the story of your life?
Hymn - Jars of clay
ah. god loves me.

What was high school like?
Nothing fails - madonna
my seatmate surely did.

How can you get ahead in life?
Bring you down - Left Front tire
uh... im a good person.. sorry for that people. THIS IS JUST A FUNNY THING I OBEDIENTLY ANSWER. (tanginang defensive amputa)

What is the best thing about your friends?
Half-life - Duncan Shiek
like in coma or sumn? yeah makes a lot of sense

What is today going to be like?
Its my party - Leslie Gore
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ERIKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why is this song here in my ipod hahahahahaha. ANSAYA!!!! I LUV U SOOO MUCH!

What is in store for this weekend?
Sukob na - (that abscbn song na di ko kilala ang artist)
baka uulan. *shrugs*

What song describes you?
Elastic - cambio
oh yeah thats EXACTLY me.

To describe your grandparents?
Warning - incubus
huh???

How is your life going?
You could make a killing - aimee mann
freaky amp.

What song will they play at your funeral?
Brown eyes - destinys child
ay answeet. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

How does the world see you?
Under 21 - save ferris
REALLY????? (kapal ko natuwa talaga ako hahahaa.)

Will you have a happy life?
Enth E ND - linkin park feat motion man
in the end? ah talaga? ayus yun

What do your friends really think of you?
Spin - Lifehouse
ah. like a tazmanian devil?

Do people secretly lust after you?
Love fantasy - mighty fire
ANG GALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNGGGG!!!!

How can I make myself happy?
So young - the corrs
ah. the innocence the inocence.

What should you do with your life?
Here in my room - incubus
and stay like a couch potato. lazy moron.

Will you ever have children? (though i already have one)
Wherever you go - voices of theory
patay ako kay che nito.

tagging everyone interested. tangina masaya to. hahahaha

twisting the twisted

so i have to kiss you like it was just a kiss.
blame the blue pill, cuss the alcohol.
like the nights a mirror ball of surrealism.
then the jealous sky brightens a lil soon.
when we pretend we're sober, everythings vague.
we laugh, we talk, then we make a dmc bracelet.
like it was nothing.
nothing else but a futile nothingness.
switch off imaginary feelings.
like sniffing mayonnaise is never existent.
then you suddenly talk about feelings.
remind me youre sober.
remind me that i believe it.
i agree to your truth.
your selective honesty.
no, you dont need to remind me that.
i sigh.
i nod.
you pretend you think.
and i doubt you just act it out.
we say "its complicated"
we agree its just nothing.
it was only a kiss.
it was only a kiss.
but i am never mr. brightside.

you say im special.
effortlessly
stupidly
i believed
but i beg for you to believe
that i feel the same way
vulnerable and doubtless
my insides jump for joy
like it was true
and i pretend i believe it
i pretend that i pretend
you tell promises
effortlessly
stupidly
i believed

then i let you kiss me
then i kiss you back
its only a kiss
and a carousel of pretentions.

a carousel i enjoy riding
until i puke out my insides
that were jumping for joy.

**********

at para sa twisted halo...

ang dalawang cd na nalikha ninyo ay mas higit pa sa marapat na masundan. at dahil man sa kung anumang klase ng pagkakataon.... kinailangan mang maghiwalay...

ang mga awit nyo ay patuloy ko pa ring maririnig. salamat sa lahat.

3rd bluesky.

yeah twas really a busy night. fun but there are uh... some things that were unexpected.

i still cant sleep about it. im sad that im so paranoid when things go wrong. im so upset that i cant put with me being a perfectionist. i badly want to talk to just to clarify some things. i dunno. im really really freakinly crazy.

thank god for , , and can back me up. they know how much i try to do all of these stuff with all my might. im just so sad that some people gets so disappointed after all of my best were squeezed off me. and yes, its clear that it wasnt enough.

pics in my multiply soon. waiting for cecil to send me all the pics. luv ya guys. :)

but all in all... its kinda ok.

b-sides.

friends do come and go. the least that we could do is try to be a friend... by its own definition. we do realize that there will be people passing by us, all with different issues, different characters, different philosophies, different choices, different perspectives, but with two common wishes,

to be accepted and to be understood.

we dont have enough time for judgments. whos right or wrong. whats right and wrong. morals may be an issue but norms created by the society should not cloud our minds, making us point out the good and bad in each and everyone of us. this lifetime is really short. really really short.

we did not live for anything else but to be happy. and being happy doesnt take us to step on someone's foot just to raise ourselves that we are better. the righteous.

being happy is when you make someone happy as well. paying it forward makes it a good place to live in.

lets listen to b-sides. theres always the other side of the coin. lets not be afraid to know ourselves by knowing others. and yes... some people may have hearing problems... but really, dont you want somebody, even one, to just simply understand your very own version of the justification of your action? lame or not?

lets just listen, laugh and love. work's there, unstoppable circumstances, and the least that we could do is be there for each other. no matter who. no matter what. no matter how.

i love my friends. without any self-intention. whole-heartedly and with pure sincerity.

people who mess with my friends... will have to DEAL with me. BIG TIME.

xmen 3.

i say i give it a 9.

a 9.5 perhaps.

MY GOD ITS SOOOOOOOO GOOD. i cried twice.

when jean grey killed prof xavier... with magneto's look in the face trying to stop her... and when wolverine killed her at the ending to stop the chaos.

twas the dark phoienix saga combined with astonishing xmen issue number 1 by whedon. jsdbcfsajdfhsjadfhlksdhsdafjh FUCK ITS SO GOOD.

the idea of getting the cure from LEECH is a genius. they never had that reason sa comics. basta nakagawa lang ng cure but it all made sense when they got it out of leech (since his power is when a mutant comes near him.. their mutant cells supress, making them human and vulnerable within his range.)

effects were good. fight scenes were good. shit shit shit. its sooooo good.

i was waiting for jean and storm to fight. bitin ako sa laban ni pyro and iceman. but damn i loveeeeee kitty pride.

then met with and and had coffee. miss u guys. :D

AND WHEN I SAW THE SUPERMAN TRAILER, I WAS TEARY EYED AND HAD GOOSEBUMPS!!! I DIDNT KNOW KEVIN SPACEY (MY EVER EVER IDOL) PLAYED LEX LUTHOR. JDAFHLASJDFHLAKSDJFHLJAKSDFHLAKSDJFHLJAKSDFH

LOST S02E22

[spoiler start]the 22nd episode showed the lost 13 days when michael went off their camp to look for walt. he was held captive by "the others" then. alex (russo's daughter), talked to michael about claire's baby, was also there when jack, sawyer, and locke looked for mike, was confronted by one of "the others", showing kate as their captive as well. the next morning, mike was brought to "the others"' camp and had some blood sample taken. "ms. klu", one of the others, asked questions about walt's ability to make him "appear" himself in a place where he wants to appear. that explains when shannon sees walt. theory: since shannon is taking care of vincent, maybe walt's just trying to check vincent even he's in the others' camp. 3 days before michael returned to their camp, they made him talk to walt for 3 minutes and walt said that "they're just pretending" to be who they are and they made him take some tests. made a deal that he has to free "henry gale" and bring kate, sawyer, jack and hurley in replacement of walt's and mike's freedom.

in the hatch, mr ecko's the one assigned pushing the button. they have to put the code when the alarm sounds right? and thats every last 4 minutes of the 108. his cross was like attracted to a magnet when the alarm sounded. so its really electromagnetism. checkout http://www.oceanicflight815.com and see that there's this pseudo website about alvar hanzo talking about electromagnetism and a better place to live in.

back at the camp, ana lucia and libby's burial, yeah nakakaiyak. sawyer even opened up to jack that she's the closest thing than a friend to him. michael just made them believe that they only need 5 people to go back to where walt is. sayid wanted to come but mike talked him over it but sayid noticed mike's behavior then told jack about it. during the burial...

a sailboat appears... towards their shore.[spoiler end]

has anyone browsed through the LOST website? there was this hidden link linking to the hanso foundation site and i was there for 3 hours deciphering hidden things regarding strains, cancers, and the likes. very VEEEEEEERRRYYY amusing AND interesting. hafta skeep though. geez its already 630am. mamaya ko na ipopost. :D

narci.

yeah i cut it myself. lucky ears. :D