Ive got my gabby pics on my phone and since i could not sleep due to i dont know what anymore, (naginuman pa kami moments ago and supposedly inantok nako at nakalma ang utak ko but wow, 745am na) i thought of uploading it in my multiply and i kinda forgot about the album i created 2 years ago for "my family". (view this album)
(blame this part on the alcohol) and oh man, i feel soooooooo FUCKING SSSSSSSAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHH i wanna fuckin HURT SOMEBODY NOW!!! i am honestly clueless on what to do on those pictures. IT FUCKIN BREAKS MY HEART AND I HATE IT OVER AND OVER COZ I SHOULD BE OKAY BY NOW BUT IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING I-DONT-KNOW-WHAT AND IT SUDDENLY DAWNED ON ME THAT I AM FUCKING SAD. REALLY. I AM SO PATHETIC DAMN THIS SHOULD FUCKIN STOP. YOU ARE EVERYWHERE AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO PRETEND THAT I AM OKAY... THE PAIN OOZES OUT OF ME AND I AM ALL FUCKED UP NOW. I AM. I WANNA HAVE MY NAME CHANGED, GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING ROOM OR IF POSSIBLE, GET OUT OF MYSELF. I WANNA DELETE EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS ME OF WHAT WE HAD. AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO START DOING IT BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FUCKING RETARD AND I DONT KNOW IF IM STRANDED IN THIS DENIAL. I AM SO TIRED I WANT MY HEART, MY MIND AND MYSELF BACK. I WANT IT BAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKK. FUCK FUCK FUCK
anyway, that paragraph above is brought to you by my alter-ego, thank you. but seriously...
IT FUCKIN BREAKS MY HEART.
5.31.2007
5.30.2007
sleepless nights count
so eto na naman tayo. by this time... iinom ako ng gamot at pipilitin kong matulog ng normal at kumain ng normal. hindi ako gumagaling mga kaibigan at masamang pangitain ito.
hemmingway... gusto ko ng halu-halo. kakain ako nun paggising ko (kahit di ako makatulog, kailangan ko ng haluhalo) kaso may lagnat ako at ubo so bahala na si batman.
siomai. gusto ko ng siomai bukas at magandang pajama. dahil nabobore na ako sa friendster picture ko, gusto kong magpicture ng nakapajama habang nakatingin sa pinto habang umuulan hawak ang mug na hang cute cute na bigay sakin ni JM. (ayiiihiiiii JM ha!!!! nakakahalata na ako sa yo waahahahahaha!) neh. binigay nya sakin yun nung nabasag yung giraffe kong mug kasi nadeps talaga ako. nagpost pa nga ako kasi "nabasag" yun ng multo sabi ng uncle ko. ngayon lalagyan na lang sha ng barya at lighter katabi ni ernie sa ibabaw ng printer ko. ok pa naman sha naghhi pa sa inyong lahat.
hemmingway ule, sige itutulog ko na to at itong post na to ay parang ginagawa ng isang naaaning dahil sa puyat at gutom. hindi naman ako pumapayat kaya kalokohan ang mamatay sa ganitong uri. pakidasal na lang na makatulog ako ng mahimbing at ayoko ng magpaka-deps. taena hindi nga ako nanunuod ng telenovela ganito naman ako magisip. shet shet shet.
ansarap nga pala ng ulan. kahit para akong asong kumakahol dahil sa dry cough, masarap talaga yung malamig. basta basta. gusto ko ng haluhalo.
tsaka siomai. tsaka pajama.
hemmingway... gusto ko ng halu-halo. kakain ako nun paggising ko (kahit di ako makatulog, kailangan ko ng haluhalo) kaso may lagnat ako at ubo so bahala na si batman.
siomai. gusto ko ng siomai bukas at magandang pajama. dahil nabobore na ako sa friendster picture ko, gusto kong magpicture ng nakapajama habang nakatingin sa pinto habang umuulan hawak ang mug na hang cute cute na bigay sakin ni JM. (ayiiihiiiii JM ha!!!! nakakahalata na ako sa yo waahahahahaha!) neh. binigay nya sakin yun nung nabasag yung giraffe kong mug kasi nadeps talaga ako. nagpost pa nga ako kasi "nabasag" yun ng multo sabi ng uncle ko. ngayon lalagyan na lang sha ng barya at lighter katabi ni ernie sa ibabaw ng printer ko. ok pa naman sha naghhi pa sa inyong lahat.
hemmingway ule, sige itutulog ko na to at itong post na to ay parang ginagawa ng isang naaaning dahil sa puyat at gutom. hindi naman ako pumapayat kaya kalokohan ang mamatay sa ganitong uri. pakidasal na lang na makatulog ako ng mahimbing at ayoko ng magpaka-deps. taena hindi nga ako nanunuod ng telenovela ganito naman ako magisip. shet shet shet.
ansarap nga pala ng ulan. kahit para akong asong kumakahol dahil sa dry cough, masarap talaga yung malamig. basta basta. gusto ko ng haluhalo.
tsaka siomai. tsaka pajama.
5.29.2007
kuya poll
anong mas masaya?
maging single then focus to get rich
maging single waiting for the right one
maging single but unavailable (for some weird reason)
magka partner to build a foundation for settling down
maging single then focus to get rich
9
maging single waiting for the right one
6
maging single but unavailable (for some weird reason)
3
magka partner to build a foundation for settling down
2
sige sige. may maganda akong tanong para sa lahat.
*sniff*
hindi na naman ako makatulog. T_T kailangan ko pa ba talagang maglasing bago makatulog ng mahimbing?
tapos bumalik na naman lagnat ko. di makahinga sa ubo. naiirita sa sarili kakatingin ng mga bagay bagay na di na dapat tingnan.
ano bang gamot sa ganito? taena ako yata yung maysakit na nasisiraan ng ulo dahil sa puyat at sa kung anu anong bagay na pinagiisip. ginawa ko naman lahat. sinubukan kong magbasa wala rin. di ko maabsorb binabasa ko. nagtry ako manood wala rin. pag kaharap ko naman yung pc kung saan saang website lang ako nagpupunta, tumitingin ng makikita. (anlabo nun ah).
bibili na talaga ako ng tatlong litrong kurant. aaraw arawin ko makatulog lang ng maayos. wala ng epekto sakin gatas. at kung anu ano pa. magiterax kaya ako? mas nakakatakot namang dumepende ron.
gusto ko nang magpatingin. masisiraan na talaga ako ng bait. ugh.
tapos bumalik na naman lagnat ko. di makahinga sa ubo. naiirita sa sarili kakatingin ng mga bagay bagay na di na dapat tingnan.
ano bang gamot sa ganito? taena ako yata yung maysakit na nasisiraan ng ulo dahil sa puyat at sa kung anu anong bagay na pinagiisip. ginawa ko naman lahat. sinubukan kong magbasa wala rin. di ko maabsorb binabasa ko. nagtry ako manood wala rin. pag kaharap ko naman yung pc kung saan saang website lang ako nagpupunta, tumitingin ng makikita. (anlabo nun ah).
bibili na talaga ako ng tatlong litrong kurant. aaraw arawin ko makatulog lang ng maayos. wala ng epekto sakin gatas. at kung anu ano pa. magiterax kaya ako? mas nakakatakot namang dumepende ron.
gusto ko nang magpatingin. masisiraan na talaga ako ng bait. ugh.
Blog Vomit.
for the past couple of days, ive been trying to rant here in my blog. i mean, i was a private blogger before and i only add friends (and what i mean by FRIENDS, is the real people that i co-exist with and not just your normal i-wanna-add-you-coz-i-found-your-blog-blah-blah kind of thing) for the reason that i do not want for strangers to just judge what i write. i mean... why would i call this ranting for heaven's sake. but apparently, when i dont add up people that i do not know personally becomes an insinuation that im an unfriendly person. which is illogical actually. so what the hell, im open to all now.
and now, since everybody even without multiply/lj accounts could read my entries, its an easy target for them to waste their time, trying to criticize or judge people(e.g. me) by reading blogs. apparently, i dont think i put this stuff online for someone's demise or sympathy. i put this up for relevant people. whom i know, are people that i could build friendship with or ive built friendship with already. so they would know, what's inside my mind WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, talk to me in person, see me in person, or chat with me for the longest of time. so my blogs are just like the exact picture of whats going on inside my mind without really blurting it out using my mouth or body language, which is sometimes a happy-go-lucky facade of a pseudo-emo slash troubled-ocassionally person. and that's why they also created it with a small comment button so people with concern could share what they think. convenient, right?
but when people starts to weirdly connote you as "naninira" or something worse, i mean... dont you think its a lot easier to just delete the person in your list rather than bad vibe your day everytime you open your friends' list? i do not want to even defend myself since i dont think ive mentioned or posted word vomits then namedropping a certain person. cause thats way beyond the definition of "paninira". i dont even put clues or post a cheap blind item. so its weird actually.
worse, if i am a REAL friend (that word is so overused, and you know what, once or twice is okay then go mutual. people would know if you really are friends with them so dont state the obvious its so tiring), i do not actually start a fight then cuss him/her online. there's email, YM, text, or better, personal. im not saying that those rules should be followed because theres no rulebook on internet etiquette but come on, imagine your neighbor hearing all the bad things when you're fighting with someone. and of course, ano ang sasabihin natin? "anong pakialam ko sa kanila!!!". wow. that's worse than being palengkera. coz you know, at least sa palengke, expected na nating maingay. and by posting such things in a blog, we should expect people to butt in, eavesdrop, or give unsolicited advices. eh pinost mo e. pero we should know how and when to strike personally. at yon ang point ko to go in private.
the word sorry is inexpensive. we could actually use it freely, but you know how mass production works, pag abundant, nawawalan ng worth. and that 5-letter word is priceless. it could heal wounds, create the bridge that fell down, or build back the bricks that got broken, but... when too much of a word vomit happened, believe me, sorry wont be enough. i could just say na dapat manindigan ang mga taong magsasabi na "this friendship is over". kasi mabigat yan e. hindi yan basta basta binibitawan. pag binawi mo, tapos magsosorry ka, how could you expect for other people to just go on with that relationship kung ganong klase kang tao. magsasalita ka ng masakit tapos ano yung katapat? sorry? feeling mo ganun ka kaspecial? kahit bestfriend ka pa or anything, we should think before we talk. gasgas na yan pero god, it should be practiced every single day. kahit saan. virtual man or sa realidad. and my only point is, get a grip of yourself especially if youre mad, because words could seem harmless, but it isnt.
oh and one thing. i have a question for everybody. if you say that someone is a "motherfucking narcissist" because you feel "underappreciated" by that same person, isnt it narcissistic of you to feel it or even saying the phrase "you do not deserve my friendship"?? especially if the person around you sees that "the narcissist" is the one listening to you when you rant, bringing you home safely when your better half is absent, or talks to you when you feel down, or you bossing him/her around? isnt it so ironic? im just curious. and thats hypothetical by the way.
you're so vain... i bet you think this blog is about you.
and now, since everybody even without multiply/lj accounts could read my entries, its an easy target for them to waste their time, trying to criticize or judge people(e.g. me) by reading blogs. apparently, i dont think i put this stuff online for someone's demise or sympathy. i put this up for relevant people. whom i know, are people that i could build friendship with or ive built friendship with already. so they would know, what's inside my mind WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, talk to me in person, see me in person, or chat with me for the longest of time. so my blogs are just like the exact picture of whats going on inside my mind without really blurting it out using my mouth or body language, which is sometimes a happy-go-lucky facade of a pseudo-emo slash troubled-ocassionally person. and that's why they also created it with a small comment button so people with concern could share what they think. convenient, right?
but when people starts to weirdly connote you as "naninira" or something worse, i mean... dont you think its a lot easier to just delete the person in your list rather than bad vibe your day everytime you open your friends' list? i do not want to even defend myself since i dont think ive mentioned or posted word vomits then namedropping a certain person. cause thats way beyond the definition of "paninira". i dont even put clues or post a cheap blind item. so its weird actually.
worse, if i am a REAL friend (that word is so overused, and you know what, once or twice is okay then go mutual. people would know if you really are friends with them so dont state the obvious its so tiring), i do not actually start a fight then cuss him/her online. there's email, YM, text, or better, personal. im not saying that those rules should be followed because theres no rulebook on internet etiquette but come on, imagine your neighbor hearing all the bad things when you're fighting with someone. and of course, ano ang sasabihin natin? "anong pakialam ko sa kanila!!!". wow. that's worse than being palengkera. coz you know, at least sa palengke, expected na nating maingay. and by posting such things in a blog, we should expect people to butt in, eavesdrop, or give unsolicited advices. eh pinost mo e. pero we should know how and when to strike personally. at yon ang point ko to go in private.
the word sorry is inexpensive. we could actually use it freely, but you know how mass production works, pag abundant, nawawalan ng worth. and that 5-letter word is priceless. it could heal wounds, create the bridge that fell down, or build back the bricks that got broken, but... when too much of a word vomit happened, believe me, sorry wont be enough. i could just say na dapat manindigan ang mga taong magsasabi na "this friendship is over". kasi mabigat yan e. hindi yan basta basta binibitawan. pag binawi mo, tapos magsosorry ka, how could you expect for other people to just go on with that relationship kung ganong klase kang tao. magsasalita ka ng masakit tapos ano yung katapat? sorry? feeling mo ganun ka kaspecial? kahit bestfriend ka pa or anything, we should think before we talk. gasgas na yan pero god, it should be practiced every single day. kahit saan. virtual man or sa realidad. and my only point is, get a grip of yourself especially if youre mad, because words could seem harmless, but it isnt.
oh and one thing. i have a question for everybody. if you say that someone is a "motherfucking narcissist" because you feel "underappreciated" by that same person, isnt it narcissistic of you to feel it or even saying the phrase "you do not deserve my friendship"?? especially if the person around you sees that "the narcissist" is the one listening to you when you rant, bringing you home safely when your better half is absent, or talks to you when you feel down, or you bossing him/her around? isnt it so ironic? im just curious. and thats hypothetical by the way.
you're so vain... i bet you think this blog is about you.
5.27.2007
Minutes
ive been haunted by sleepless thoughtsand your smell
your smile
that lingers around
the four corners of my room
and my mind
keeps on breaking
my heart
those images
scattered around the web
sticking to the very last of my soul
catching my breath
my heartbeat
my warmth
replaced by that pain
i couldnt heal this easy
but i want to heal now
i want my heart back
i want it so bad
it still screams your name
your laughters
and its screaming to be saved
from the aches it suffers
from the very mere memory
of this feeling inside
thats now empty and void
i want my heart back
i want my yawns back
i want all my dreams
sewn together
after it has been ripped
by words ive never thought
you had from the beginning
i want the promises
to break itself
i want myself back
how much i wanted
to take everything back
i have given you
my body is too weak
whenever i see you
were my eyes deceived?
was my heart been lied to?
or is it just me
that deceives and lies to myself
how much i want
to take you back
and wrap you once again
in my arms
how much i want
to hold your hands
and embrace you through
the nights, the rainy nights
then see the burst
of the suns rays again
with you
how much i wanted
to blame all the angels
for not reminding me
that you were slipping away
right under my nose
how much i wanted
for you to fall
but someone else
caught you
while i was still waiting
at the very bottom
of my deepest wars
and you let him catch you
and you let him see your smile
and you let him hold your hand
and you let him wrap you around his arms
and you let him hear you laugh
and you let him smell your hair
and you let him feel your warmth
and you let him read your thoughts
that was supposed to be for me...
i still love you...
but if love will crush my head
and my heart over and over..
i dont want to anymore.
5.26.2007
The Season Enders
First, i kinda just realized that I gave up some of the tv series i religiously watch. I havent continued on Smallville and House. One Tree Hill is still on going, but damn the Season Enders. Everything is ALL WORTH WATCHING AAAAGGGHHH.
Disclaimer: If You havent watched all of them yet, please stop reading here. Stop scrolling down, and do not be tempted by the awesomeness of my spoilers. Stop stop STOP!
Ok. So lets start from;
Grey's Anatomy - As of comparison to season 2's prom, the heartbreaking death of Denny that stole the focus then giving it all to Izzie while crying in an old rose gown is a lot better than the Burke-Yang called-off wedding (and the Meredith-Derek break up. where actually seems a little vague in some way) Anticipating the on-set feud between O'Malley and Burke made the series more nerve-wrecking because we all know that making someone leave the show is bound to happen. Adding up the spin-off Private Practice makes it more depressing since Addison wont be inside Seattle Grace's elevator anymore. O'Malley goes to Mercy West, and the doors opened for Burke to leave the show. Too much intrigue ruins the thrill. sheesh.
Heroes - Why didn't Peter fly by himself? The question almost everybody was asking. Yes, Peter is the one who's going to explode, not Sylar. Although the first minutes were really dragging by the same reason that WE NEEDED THE ACTION RIGHT AWAY, the reunion of all our heroes lasted enough for them to beat up that parasite sylar. Disappointingly, Peter had a fistfight with him instead of using his invisibilty, telekinesis, and god-knows what power he has as of that moment. Well, as the normal fan of Peter Petrelli (i am arguing with myself no worries), he has been distracted by the thought that he is the one whose going to destroy NYC. I just loved the part where Niki puts down DL then goes straight to Sylar with that big rod of a steel, whacking him off his consciousness and Hiro, making Isaac's vision happen, Stabbing Sylar with his samurai after putting Ando to safety back in their office in Japan (Ah Gay Love.) Matt was so useless, he didnt do anything but hurt himself. Claire was supposed to shoot Peter then *enter Superman theme.. or Powerpuff Girls if more appropriate* Nathan decides to sacrifice himself and flies Peter up up and away. Back to the question, Why didnt Peter fly by himself? Everybody thought that "of course. hes distracted and cant use two powers at once." Probably. But wrong. He became invisible before then flew away. And Straight from the horse's mouth, creator Tim Kring said...
"But the real explanation is that we wanted Nathan to show up and [save the day]!"
"Yes, I will admit that there’s a very tiny window of logic there," Kring continues with a laugh. "But what can I say? It's requires the proverbial suspension of disbelief."
like ive said to my friend while watching it... of course we need a lil drama. Season 2 airs on September 24, 2007. ANTAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!
LOST - this is probably THE BEST season ender of all. Lost lost its magic. everybody got tired of all the flashbacks. But making the last 3 episodes kill A LOT OF CHARACTERS (including CHARLIE T_T), reunions, and MORE questions, (while answering some of our theories past 2 seasons) PLUS this time, its a FLASH FORWARD, making us have a glimpse of Jack after the island, drug addicted and alcoholic, flying everywhere just to wish for a plane crash. i dont even know how to detail things anymore but GOD YOU SHOULD SEE IT. it is oozing with awesomeness and i was screaming, nailbiting, wrestling with my pillow while my heart is pumping hard and fast.
okay. i can probably eat REAL food now.
Disclaimer: If You havent watched all of them yet, please stop reading here. Stop scrolling down, and do not be tempted by the awesomeness of my spoilers. Stop stop STOP!
Ok. So lets start from;
Grey's Anatomy - As of comparison to season 2's prom, the heartbreaking death of Denny that stole the focus then giving it all to Izzie while crying in an old rose gown is a lot better than the Burke-Yang called-off wedding (and the Meredith-Derek break up. where actually seems a little vague in some way) Anticipating the on-set feud between O'Malley and Burke made the series more nerve-wrecking because we all know that making someone leave the show is bound to happen. Adding up the spin-off Private Practice makes it more depressing since Addison wont be inside Seattle Grace's elevator anymore. O'Malley goes to Mercy West, and the doors opened for Burke to leave the show. Too much intrigue ruins the thrill. sheesh.
Heroes - Why didn't Peter fly by himself? The question almost everybody was asking. Yes, Peter is the one who's going to explode, not Sylar. Although the first minutes were really dragging by the same reason that WE NEEDED THE ACTION RIGHT AWAY, the reunion of all our heroes lasted enough for them to beat up that parasite sylar. Disappointingly, Peter had a fistfight with him instead of using his invisibilty, telekinesis, and god-knows what power he has as of that moment. Well, as the normal fan of Peter Petrelli (i am arguing with myself no worries), he has been distracted by the thought that he is the one whose going to destroy NYC. I just loved the part where Niki puts down DL then goes straight to Sylar with that big rod of a steel, whacking him off his consciousness and Hiro, making Isaac's vision happen, Stabbing Sylar with his samurai after putting Ando to safety back in their office in Japan (Ah Gay Love.) Matt was so useless, he didnt do anything but hurt himself. Claire was supposed to shoot Peter then *enter Superman theme.. or Powerpuff Girls if more appropriate* Nathan decides to sacrifice himself and flies Peter up up and away. Back to the question, Why didnt Peter fly by himself? Everybody thought that "of course. hes distracted and cant use two powers at once." Probably. But wrong. He became invisible before then flew away. And Straight from the horse's mouth, creator Tim Kring said...
"But the real explanation is that we wanted Nathan to show up and [save the day]!"
"Yes, I will admit that there’s a very tiny window of logic there," Kring continues with a laugh. "But what can I say? It's requires the proverbial suspension of disbelief."
like ive said to my friend while watching it... of course we need a lil drama. Season 2 airs on September 24, 2007. ANTAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!
LOST - this is probably THE BEST season ender of all. Lost lost its magic. everybody got tired of all the flashbacks. But making the last 3 episodes kill A LOT OF CHARACTERS (including CHARLIE T_T), reunions, and MORE questions, (while answering some of our theories past 2 seasons) PLUS this time, its a FLASH FORWARD, making us have a glimpse of Jack after the island, drug addicted and alcoholic, flying everywhere just to wish for a plane crash. i dont even know how to detail things anymore but GOD YOU SHOULD SEE IT. it is oozing with awesomeness and i was screaming, nailbiting, wrestling with my pillow while my heart is pumping hard and fast.
okay. i can probably eat REAL food now.
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