Pintura.

i woke up early and i was really REALLY lazy to jog.

instead, i waited for the mall to open and bought a liter of paint.

yeah i painted my room. i thought of doing something productive on a sunday.

jm, rae and dinno removed the gloss of the old paint by using sandpaper, ryan and i cooked penne bolognese. i forgot to take the before and after pic. pffft.

so now, one of my walls is blue. dark blue. and i thought that the color is strangely familiar.

it resembles my high school classroom. ARRIBA!

i dont know how to put my things back into their places.

Love / Addiction

"...It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away.

the thing about addiction is, it never ends well because eventually whatever it is that was getting us high... stops feeling good, and starts to hurt.

Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go... hurts even worse."

- Meredith Grey
Greys Anatomy s04e02

Derek and Callie's scenes are heartbreaking. Really awfully heartbreaking. T_T

--- o O o ---

Have you ever had that? Doing things you are fully aware of that could damage you emotionally but still go on with it? Like at first you thought its just a taste or a glimpse of something until you lose all control and do not know what do... but still, you go on with it?

And hating yourself is the best that you could feel. Thinking if youre addicted to pain or something more complicated than pain. Until it reaches to a point where you convince yourself that pleasure is nothing without pain. Not realizing that pain is all youre getting.

It is delusional. When youre high with that something, reality really fades away.

Hale 101 / Oktoberfest

I woke up at around 4 am thinking if im going to jog or whatever. so instead, i ate my morning away, and slept again, realizing that i have to be somewhere at around 2pm.

i was half awake-half asleep when i was waiting at blue wave for mamu, anna, joal and dj jess. st dominic wasnt that far pala. ang aga namin. then after an hour and a half dumating na sila with hilera.

roll and i were talking about his songs and i was asking for his old songs. its really good you should check his myspace page. sheldon has this smile na hindi pwedeng hindi mapansin ng mga tao. hahaha. omnie and i were talking about gory stuff and champ is... well... still champ. LOL. Gracie came with her new baby Wayne (a Canon eos 400d) and damn twas a pretty kid and Donster helped us with the merchandise.

the set was energized. ive never seen champ sing like that. rumarakstar na ata.

then we had dinner at G-Squared somewhere in macapagal at sobrang busog kami na tipong kakatayin na kami. sobrang thanks kay mamu. sino bang papayat kung si mamu kasama mo.

they had coffee sa harbour square pero di nako sumama sa sobrang busog. inisip ko na ring magpunta ng oktoberfest since dun lang sa may blue wave yon. i thought ill just drop gracie there, say hi to imago, pero damn. andun si leeza, sophie (GROUP HUG!!!) and mark.so i got to watch sino sikat, sugarfree, urbandub, sponge cola, imago, and itchyworms. i was kinda drunk. DK and gracie were laughing so hard when we went to jollibee, me ordering stuff i didnt eat.

Yael was so funny introducing us (leeza, sophie) to each other eh hindi nya alam na friends kami hahahaha. Chris had this new star wars tattoo and its really good.

came home at around 330am. and i never thought that my friday would be this jampacked.



*** checkout the pictures at Gracie's site

Desperate issues over Desperate Housewives.

The premiere of the 4th season of Desperate Housewives surely didnt get praises from Filipinos, especially the ones who studied for almost a decade to finish medical school and just be degraded in that kind of manner.

Personally, i was taken aback when i watched episode 2 days ago but not to that certain extent where i wanted the show to get banned. When she said "SOME med school in the Philippines"... well, i agreed a little.

If Susan (Teri Hatcher) mentioned Recto for fake diplomas, or the leakages behind the nursing boards and the Fatima Exam years ago, i think we could somehow sarcastically giggle about it.

Knowing that it would create a negative treatment towards Filipino Doctors abroad, of course im furious. But reacting like Sen. Biazon did, its... weird. immaturely weird. There are a lot of ways to find resolution than this. Public Apologies, yes. Doing a line on the next episode that would contradict the last episode's slur, maybe.. but proposing on banning the show? ok ka lang?

Its like when Jay Leno made a joke about the troops sent by our country... one radio station talked about it for an hour and a half saying... "dapat kasi wag ng panoorin ng mga pinoy ang show na yan, ang haba haba ng baba."

wow. that would SURELY resolve the issue. that would actually make the Filipino reputation uprise like their statue of liberty.

like when Karen Walker (Will And Grace) said that "i love filipinos, theyre asians but theyre not cocky about it." we laughed. thinking its so funny because we lost our culture. no wonder why in some countries, filipinos are considered "islanders" and not asians.

like banning Claire Danes because of one derogatory statement regarding of where she shot a movie here. Misquoted ng mga taong hindi nilalagay sa lugar ang pagkapikon.

Diyan tayo magaling. On fueling the fire. On making everybody focus on a comedy show, on an actress, instead of improving this country and prevent others to make us as their punchline.

ABC already made a statement. Apologizing for bellitling practitioners of the medical profession in our dear country.

Satisfied enough? ok. back to your regular red taping.

A Change Is Gonna Come.

Change. We don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes... oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything.

- Meredith Grey
Grey's Anatomy s04e01

I have the weakest tearduct whenever it comes to watching Grey's. I think it changes a lot in me with decisions, relationship-wise, and perspective.

To all Greys followers, isnt the last 5 minutes of the first episode of season 4 worth crying for?

or is it just me?

Dead End.

i didnt show up at 19East coz there was this big hassle that actually sent me getting high. I solely think that sometimes, suicide is not the last resort of handling uncontrolled rage and frustration but merely forgetting it and escaping reality. im not an addict. i just wanna feel that i could be alive.

i was woozy when i was walking. i was high and walking on the street waiting for a cab to go to paranaque. and when i was actually inside a cab, i said to the driver that he has to stop. because i changed my mind. the driver was... huh? ok lang po kayo ser? i cant even open my eyes because i feel like once i open it, ill be facing the ground. so bumalik na lang ako, humiga, pumikit at nakatulog ng limang oras.

naisip ko... its either nakapikit at maiiyak lang ako sa 19east, or marami lang ang magagalit sakin coz i did a "bad" thing.

Its so fucking exhausting to explain things to a person and yet, she doesnt want to absorb my explanation. i get it. i get her side. but there are things that i have to do because its there. and ignoring it or trying to stay away from it does not mean it could end. its there. might as well accept it and handle it the way i wanted it to handle.

my lifes a mess. alam ko maraming mas malala ang problema ng ibang tao but im not talking about their life, im talking about mine. so giving me the bright side and making me see the silver lining wont help as of this moment.

its so self-centered and immature to think na walang makakaintindi sakin. pero thats what i feel. i always feel that i have my own reason whether its right or wrong, pero yung ang rason ko e. at hindi ako makakilos. i dont actually feel that i am trapped on something i cant escape to, because i know there are a lot of good things its bringing into my life. i am knowing myself and i feel independent and responsible enough because of it. the means wasnt even for myself, its for the people around me that needed some help too.

okay sorry. ill stop being vague. but i think it would shock people if i write this post as blunt as an autobiography. and i guess this isnt the right time to talk about it.

alam ba ng lahat na nakakapagod umiyak? na gusto mong dukutin yung mata mo dahil sobrang sakit na niya. alam rin ba ng lahat na nakakaiyak mapagod?

mahirap mabuhay ng hindi ka pinagkakatiwalaan. mahirap din mabuhay na lagi kang binabakuran at sinusubaybayan. na hindi ka pwedeng magdesisyon dahil ano bang maipagmamalaki ko kung ako ang laging inaalagaan? hindi ba tama lang ang tumanaw ng utang na loob sa hindi pagtalikod sa mga tumulong sayo?

and i thought love was unconditional. because unconditional love is politically incorrect. conditional love isnt love at all. its a business deal.

akala ng lahat maramot ako. na iniisip ko lang ang sarili ko pag umiiyak ako sa kantang mariposa. ayoko ng magisa. ayoko ng magisa. pero naniniwala ako, na dumarating sa punto ang lahat ng tao, gaano man karami ang kaibigan, gaano man kasaya ang samahan, nararamdaman ang pagiging magisa. bakit?

dahil hindi ko na alam.

Four Months Later.

700MB of the 52-minute episode of heroes was not that worth it. the wait, the suspense. ugh.

a 2-minute Peter Petrelli scene was WTF.

The New guy for Claire, West (Nick D'Agosto), was one of the House MD guests. teehee. nice.

I was actually waiting for Nikki/Jessica to show up. and DL. but i think we have to wait for a week for episode 2. *sighs*

Peter Petrelli with the new hair. tsktsk. i bet someone's moist right now.

All in all, they shouldve had a 2-hour premiere. at least it couldve been a blast.