We Sat In Silence.

The clock strikes three

As we breathe differently

Words clutched by sealed lips

Mouthed by how our heartbeats skip.

The world stopped moving as it seems

Held by all our previous dreams

With what could have been or should've not

You say, I say, we gave it a shot.

There we were, sitting silently

Aboard in the train of irony

Armed with phrases we never used

But left us wounded, hurt and bruised

The things we've said, burned the years

Of what should've been mornings, instead of tears

We sat in silence that never got broken

Unlike our promises, and words unspoken.

We felt dawn and I closed my eyes

Deafened by the screaming sound of goodbye

The last thing you've said was the sound of the door

There I sat in silence, and drowned in it more.

Dead End.

Sumasagi sa isip ng lahat yung maliliit na pagkakataon kung saan marami kang inaasahang darating na hindi inaasahan. Sa haba minsan ng paglalakbay, nalilimutan mo yung dahilan kung para saan yon.

Dumadating din satin yung hindi mo alam na hapung-hapo ka na, hanggat wala ka pang naiinom na tubig. Di mo rin alam na inaantok ka na hanggat hindi mo pa sinusubukang matulog. O sabihin nating, nasa isang relasyon ka, pero di mo namamalayan hanggat di nyo pa napapagisipang maghiwalay.

Pero gaya nga ng lahat, dumadating talaga tayo, sa haba ng paglalakbay, mula sa isang malawak na highway, makipot na iskinita, tapos... dead end. Sabi nga ng lahat, sa mga panahong ganon, bumalik ka na lang sa simula. Sige, sabihin nating nagsimula ka uli. Teka... gawin nating first person point-of-view ito. Baka maraming umalma.

Ilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa sitwasyon. O pwede rin nating sabihing, nandun na ako sa sitwasyon.

Kung sa haba ng nilakad ko, tapos umabot sa dead end, pag bumalik ako, tapos nagsimula uli, nandun yung pakiramdam na:

• Ayoko ng maglakad.
• Sisimulan ko na ring tanungin kung para saan pa ba tong paglalakbay na to.
• Ayoko ng makita ang mga dinaanan ko.
• Pagsisisihan ko lang yung daan, pag may nakita akong bago, na sana di ko na dinaanan yun in the first place.

Madami namang taong pagod e. Madami ring taong may mas malaking problema. Pero pano mo ba susukatin ang laki ng problema? Kung para sa isang tao, ang panghihinayang sa panahon at pinagsamahan, ay kayang-kaya lang palitan ng isa.

Ang ayoko diyan, yung napakaraming tanong. Bakit pa nagsimula? Ito ba yung dapat sakin? Masama ba akong tao? Kulang ba lahat ng nagawa ko? Gaano ba ako katanga para ibigay yung tiwala na... alam nyo yun... walang dead end. Mahirap kasing maglakbay ng walang kasama. Napansin ko na lang din na pag may kasama ka, at umabot kayo sa dead-end, hindi mo maintindihan kung dahil ba pagod lang kayo, kaya aabot sa sisihan. "Sana nakinig ka sakin." "Sana di ako naniwala sayo", "Sana ganito ang ginawa natin."

Bat ba naimbento yan? Sadya ba talagang dapat magturuan para may "matutunan"? Isnt there any other fucking way to learn? O minsan, mahirap rin talagang may kasama. Ang hirap timbangin e. Hindi mo maintindihan kung mas masaya nga ba ang buhay kung meron kang kahati. Wala namang kasiguraduhan na aabot kayo sa gusto nyong puntahan, na masaya kayo pareho. Na kahit dead-end, matatawa na lang kayo sa isat-isa tapos babalik kayo mula simula ng walang bigat o sama ng loob. Pero hindi e.

Hindi rin ako perpektong tao. Kahit kailan hindi ko naman sinabing hindi ako ganon. Pero sa abot ng makakaya ko, hindi ako magaaksaya ng panahon para balikan ang nagawa na. Hindi ko rin magagawang umatake, kung walang nang-agrabyado. Kumbaga, wag mo akong patirin. Hindi lang kasi ako babangon, itutulak pa kita.

Sa dami ng tao sa mundo, pinagpala lang ang nagkikita sa daan, na kahit saan kayo umabot, di kayo maghihiwalay. Hindi man isandaang porsyento na masaya kayo, alam nyong iba ang kulay ng daan kung hindi kayo magkasama.

Masakit lang kasi, pag meron kang kasama mula umpisa, Iiwan ka lang din dahil ito na e. Nandito na kayo. Dead-end man o nakarating sa pupuntahan ninyo, magpapaalam din sayo sa huli. Kailangan nya lang kasi ng kasama para malibang. O sabihin nating, kailangan nya LANG ng kasama.

O tapos? Pano ka na? Masaya bang maiwan?

Kaya kung ako, maglakbay man ako muli, isasama ko na lang ang aso ko. Dahil dead-end man o hindi, alam kong hindi ako susukuan nun hanggang huli.

Hindi lang ako uhaw. Hindi lang ako hapo. Pagod na talaga akong maglakad. Pero kung nandito lang ako, laging nagsisimula, para saan pa?

Dapat sanay na akong mag-isa e. Dapat talaga sinanay ko na ang sarili kong mag-isa.

Isa lang ang natutunan ko sa HABA ng pinagdaanan ko.

Ayoko nang magmahal.

Never say no to Panda.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. COOL AD. LOL

The Case of Curious Button.

Button is our cat. Actually, in my life, I havent had a cat who purrs sweetly but hunts like a lion. Two years ago, Button was just a stray kitten that rubs himself on our legs. So we adopted him.

Charlie (my sheltie) is actually jealous of him whenever he goes to my room and lies down beside my feet arrogantly. Whenever he doesn't find anything to chase, like a lizard, a spider or a mouse, he bullies Charlie. But he doesn't use his claws, of course. Just being plain annoying to Charles.

4am, we were awakened by a crash downstairs. My uncle turned on the lights and i heard him rushing. When I opened my door, I saw Button salivating and vomiting. He got poisoned.

He was convulsing like it was really painful. His pupils were dilated and having a hard time to breathe. So I told Ehboi to get sugar and coal. I tried to make him take spoonfuls but he was meowing like it hurts so much. I can see him gasping for air and I nearly cried. After taking a few spoons of sugar, I figured that he responds whenever I touch his stomach so I somehow managed to make him swallow a pulverized pill of Kremil-S.

Then when Button calmed down a little, I tried looking for relief on the internet, and this is what I found:

If the cat is fully conscious and the poison was ingested less than two hours ago, vomiting can be induced by giving one of the following:

• 3% hydrogen peroxide solution – 1 teaspoon per 10 pounds of body weight every 10-15 minutes (3 times maximum) until vomiting occurs. This is the most effective method.
• Salt – ¼ teaspoon (placed at the back of the tongue or mixed with water and squirted into the mouth with a syringe) for every 10 pounds of body weight – repeat if the cat hasn’t vomited within 30 minutes.

Vomiting should NOT be induced if:

• It has been more than two hours since the cat was poisoned.
• The cat has already vomited.
• The cat is having difficulty breathing.
• The cat is unconscious, nearly unconscious, or convulsing.
• The cat may have ingested tranquilizers, acids or alkali (cleaning products, solvents, or decloggers), or a petroleum product – in this case, provide lots of fresh water for the cat to drink, and seek medical attention as soon as possible.

If the cat is not very ill, after vomiting he should be given a mixture of milk and egg whites. Mix 1/4 cup of milk with 1/4 cup of egg whites and squirt 2 teaspoons of the mixture into the cat's cheek pouch with a plastic syringe if he won't eat it voluntarily. Squirt one drop in at a time rather than all at once or the cat may inhale the fluid. This mixture will coat the intestines, providing some protection from the poison. If you don't have milk and eggs on hand, 2 teaspoons of vegetable oil (less for a very small cat, slightly more for a very large cat) can also be used, but this should be added to food – force-feeding oil can be dangerous. A visit to the veterinarian or local animal emergency clinic is recommended even if the cat does not appear to be very ill as follow-up care may be required.

Since he had already vomited, I made him the milk and egg mixture and somehow, I saw some progress after 30 minutes.

I just hope that after a few hours while I take some sleep, Button will be okay. I just cant understand how people could poison other people's pets just because they want to. No reason is acceptable. No matter how annoying your neighbor's pet is, the first thing to do is talk to the owner. Im saying this assuming that our cat has been doing bad things inside their properties. Coz if that rule applies, their dog that howls every fucking dawn, will be eating a raw cheap steak with seasoning no man would ever dare to eat.

Trinoma

Since my being homebound seemed to be depressing me a little bit, Mamu wanted us to go to Trinoma so we could catch up with things, (i.e. "Wedding Plans" and my recent ER episode.) I was supposed to cancel coz Trinoma is a bit far but Ehboi insisted on it so I could relax by doing my usual hobby. Eat FroYo and check on pretty things *sniggers*.

After a bowl of Mongolian, (less sodium and more tofu), went straight to White hat for some Peach, Cherries, Blueberry and Cheesecake Froyo. (Yes, its 98% Fat-free and most of the cheesecake was eaten by Ehboi. :p)

Then Ehboi surprised me with a very spirit-uplifting gift. ♥

My sister said, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? PARA KANG JEJEMON".

Excuse me ate, you're too old na. Jejemon's couldn't pull off this color scheme. And besides, I like Justin Bieber. Magulat ka na lang kung naka purple akong Supra. :p

But really Ehboi, you made my heart pound good. Really good. :)

Then this afternoon, Ryan asked me to go with him to Rob Place to buy a book and drown ourselves with Manila Scramble. I had two large ones. Unfortunately, I took iterax an hour before that so I was like a groggy man wearing a hoodie and wayfs inside a mall. Eating Scramble. I was too sleepy to enjoy it. So after grabbing a book, I asked Ryan if he could go ahead and get groceries while I go to the restroom to throw up, since I feel nauseated. I slept inside a cubicle for around 20 minutes with my feet showing under its door. Somebody was knocking asking if I was ok coz I think they thought I died pooping HAHAHAHA. Then I slept in the cab on our way home, tried to walk upstairs then slept again for 4 hours. Waking up to this:

Thanks to Roemart. He knows how to wake up a sleeping high-guy. :p

Love The Way You Lie (Eminem ft. Rihanna)

Song of my life. Geezus.

I was just trying out youtube instant where as you type letters, the video it suggests is shown live and it changes along as you type. I randomly typed "L" and this is the first thing that appeared. I first heard it live when I was watching the VMAs but I didn't care at first. So I watched the video and saw Dominic Monaghan (Lost) and Megan Fox (who doesnt know Megan Fox? Raise your hand and give yourself a slap on your own face) until the song made a lot of sense. Words started to seep inside me until the third chorus broke my heart.

Just gonna stand there

And watch me burn

But that's alright

Because I like

The way it hurts

Just gonna stand there

And hear me cry

But that's alright

Because I love

The way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is

I can only tell you what it feels like

And right now there's a steel knife

In my windpipe

I can't breathe

But I still fight

While I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right

It's like I'm in flight

High of a love

Drunk from the hate

It's like I'm huffing paint

And I love it the more that I suffer

I suffocate

And right before im about to drown

She resuscitates me

She fucking hates me

And I love it

Wait

Where you going

I'm leaving you

No you ain't

Come back

We're running right back

Here we go again

It's so insane

Cause when it's going good

It's going great

I'm Superman

With the wind in his bag

She's Lois Lane

But when it's bad

It's awful

I feel so ashamed

I snap

Who's that dude

I don't even know his name

I laid hands on her

I'll never stoop so low again

I guess I don't know my own strength

( * )

You ever love somebody so much

You can barely breathe

When you're with them

You meet

And neither one of you

Even know what hit 'em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling

Yeah them chills

Used to get 'em

Now you're getting fucking sick

Of looking at 'em

You swore you've never hit 'em

Never do nothing to hurt 'em

Now you're in each other's face

Spewing venom

And these words

When you spit 'em

You push

Pull each other's hair

Scratch, claw, bit 'em

Throw 'em down

Pin 'em

So lost in the moments

When you're in 'em

It's the rage that took over

It controls you both

So they say it's best

To go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know ya

Cause today

That was yesterday

Yesterday is over

It's a different day

Sound like broken records

Playin' over

But you promised her

Next time you'll show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game

But you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave

Out the window

Guess that's why they call it window pane

( * )

Now I know we said things

Did things

That we didn't mean

And we fall back

Into the same patterns

Same routine

But your temper's just as bad

As mine is

You're the same as me

But when it comes to love

You're just as blinded

Baby please come back

It wasn't you

Baby it was me

Maybe our relationship

Isn't as crazy as it seems

Maybe that's what happens

When a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is

I love you too much

To walk away though

Come inside

Pick up your bags off the sidewalk

Don't you hear sincerity

In my voice when I talk

Told you this is my fault

Look me in the eyeball

Next time I'm pissed

I'll aim my fist

At the dry wall

Next time

There will be no next time

I apologize

Even though I know it's lies

I'm tired of the games

I just want her back

I know I'm a liar

If she ever tries to fucking leave again

I'mma tie her to the bed

And set the house on fire

( * )

This tells a story of where we should all learn how to draw the thinnest line between self-destruction and love. But who are we to set rules, right?

Isa.

Hindi ko alam kung ang alinsangan ng gabi ang dahilan kung bakit hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Binigyan na nga ako ng duktor ng gamot na pwedeng makapagpakalma sakin pero walang talab. Hanggang sa dumating ako sa sukdulang dapat pala ako matuwa kahit paano dahil ginusto ko to lahat.

Nung unang rinig ko na may sakit ako sa puso na dahilan ng pagkamatay ng tatay ko, nalungkot ako. Parang ang aga yata. Iniisip ko, "ah, wag seryosohin kasi may panahon pa."

Hanggang sa naalala ko ang lahat ng mga taong dapat sumasalo sakin sa ganitong panahon. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko pa rin, wala na talagang makakapagpabago sa kung ano ang matagal ng tumatakbo sa isip ko.

That whenever you experience joy, or satisfaction, that is just temporary. Dahil sa ilang minutong salita, lalabas ang tunay na anyo ng daan kung saan ka tumatakbo.

Naalala ko si Nino. Tatlo kaming sabay-sabay lumaki. Si Clark, si Nino, at ako. Nung nagkahiwahiwalay kami nung mga 14 ako, nabalitaan ko na lang after 6 years na namatay sha sa sakit sa puso.

Si Archie at Jeje. Ang mga "backer" ko na mahilig mang-harang para lang makipagkuwentuhan. Nasunog sa Ozone nung gabing inaaya nila ako pero hindi ako sumama. Dahil sinumbong ako ng Ninang ko na tumatakas para i-celebrate yung birthday nila.

Si Clark, binaril ng hindi kilalang lalaki, dahil yata sa babaeng may gusto sa kanya pero tinanggihan nya. Nagkataong may kuneksyon ata yung babae sa malaking isda.

Si Wine. Mula pagkabata, magkaibigan na kami. Hanggang sa nagkaroon ng away na lumaki na lang, dahilan kung bakit hindi na kami nag-usap ng anim na taon. Kung kelan nalimutan na ang galit, at pinaghandaan ang muling pagkikita, hindi ko naman inakalang magkikita kami sa ospital kung saan anim na tubo ang nakakabit sa kanya. Na pinilit nyang iabot ang kamay nya sakin at sabihing "I Miss You." Na nasayang ang anim na taon kung saan pwede pang nabawasan ang dahilan kung bakit sha nagkakanser. Stress, o kung anu ano pa. Pero walang bisyo yon.

Doon na ata ako sumuko. Yun na yata ang huling iyak ko na pakiramdam ko, inggit. Dahil sa ilang beses kong sinubukang mauna, hindi ko yata kayang ako ang gagawa ng paraan. Hanggang sa sinabi ng duktor sakin. Na masyado pa akong bata para magkasakit ngayon. Na hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman.

Ang galing ng tao. Marami sa atin ang nagnanais maging imortal. Naalala ko lang ang mga kwentong hinahanap nila yung panghabambuhay na kabataan. O magpapakagat sa bampira para mabuhay habangbuhay. How can anyone love life? How can anyone try to look for love if it's the main reason why it breaks our hearts? How can anyone live trying to find the reason, arguing about religion, standing tall for principles, fighting for rights, if most of our lives, we tend to have our hearts broken for a million times, and yet pretend to be stronger.

How can anyone believe that we are made for one person? If that person does not stand the chance to love forever? If love is a decision, then what about pain?

Dahil sabihin ko mang marami pa akong panahon, paano pag sinayang lang ng iba? Paano kung gustuhin kong sulit ang ikli ng mga araw, paano kung walang kuwenta sa kanila?

Hindi ko talaga mundo to e. Pasensya na. Pero sa mga susunod ko pang araw, kaya ko pang magpanggap na masaya.