Dead End.

i didnt show up at 19East coz there was this big hassle that actually sent me getting high. I solely think that sometimes, suicide is not the last resort of handling uncontrolled rage and frustration but merely forgetting it and escaping reality. im not an addict. i just wanna feel that i could be alive.

i was woozy when i was walking. i was high and walking on the street waiting for a cab to go to paranaque. and when i was actually inside a cab, i said to the driver that he has to stop. because i changed my mind. the driver was... huh? ok lang po kayo ser? i cant even open my eyes because i feel like once i open it, ill be facing the ground. so bumalik na lang ako, humiga, pumikit at nakatulog ng limang oras.

naisip ko... its either nakapikit at maiiyak lang ako sa 19east, or marami lang ang magagalit sakin coz i did a "bad" thing.

Its so fucking exhausting to explain things to a person and yet, she doesnt want to absorb my explanation. i get it. i get her side. but there are things that i have to do because its there. and ignoring it or trying to stay away from it does not mean it could end. its there. might as well accept it and handle it the way i wanted it to handle.

my lifes a mess. alam ko maraming mas malala ang problema ng ibang tao but im not talking about their life, im talking about mine. so giving me the bright side and making me see the silver lining wont help as of this moment.

its so self-centered and immature to think na walang makakaintindi sakin. pero thats what i feel. i always feel that i have my own reason whether its right or wrong, pero yung ang rason ko e. at hindi ako makakilos. i dont actually feel that i am trapped on something i cant escape to, because i know there are a lot of good things its bringing into my life. i am knowing myself and i feel independent and responsible enough because of it. the means wasnt even for myself, its for the people around me that needed some help too.

okay sorry. ill stop being vague. but i think it would shock people if i write this post as blunt as an autobiography. and i guess this isnt the right time to talk about it.

alam ba ng lahat na nakakapagod umiyak? na gusto mong dukutin yung mata mo dahil sobrang sakit na niya. alam rin ba ng lahat na nakakaiyak mapagod?

mahirap mabuhay ng hindi ka pinagkakatiwalaan. mahirap din mabuhay na lagi kang binabakuran at sinusubaybayan. na hindi ka pwedeng magdesisyon dahil ano bang maipagmamalaki ko kung ako ang laging inaalagaan? hindi ba tama lang ang tumanaw ng utang na loob sa hindi pagtalikod sa mga tumulong sayo?

and i thought love was unconditional. because unconditional love is politically incorrect. conditional love isnt love at all. its a business deal.

akala ng lahat maramot ako. na iniisip ko lang ang sarili ko pag umiiyak ako sa kantang mariposa. ayoko ng magisa. ayoko ng magisa. pero naniniwala ako, na dumarating sa punto ang lahat ng tao, gaano man karami ang kaibigan, gaano man kasaya ang samahan, nararamdaman ang pagiging magisa. bakit?

dahil hindi ko na alam.

Four Months Later.

700MB of the 52-minute episode of heroes was not that worth it. the wait, the suspense. ugh.

a 2-minute Peter Petrelli scene was WTF.

The New guy for Claire, West (Nick D'Agosto), was one of the House MD guests. teehee. nice.

I was actually waiting for Nikki/Jessica to show up. and DL. but i think we have to wait for a week for episode 2. *sighs*

Peter Petrelli with the new hair. tsktsk. i bet someone's moist right now.

All in all, they shouldve had a 2-hour premiere. at least it couldve been a blast.

A Hopeful Shaider Fan.

Of course... everybody is looking forward on how GMA would try to ruin Shaider. All the craze about Zaido is getting tiring.

One thing amused me though.

Paolo Ballesteros as IDA was amazing. (i see him ice skate in MOA and he could be Annie even.) and Jaya singing in SOP the Shigi Shigi song... wasnt even fathomed by anyone i bet. speaking of annie, i remember last MAY when we were talking about the upcoming teleseryes and i was in disbelief when (insert name here ayokong maquote) told me that Shaider is going to be remade. Unfortunately GMA 7 didnt get the rights of the said show, hence. When I asked her whos gonna be playing Annie and she says.. "Her name is Cristine whatever. Sino ba sha e hindi naman sha kilala ng tao." ROTFL. Sabagay.

I think Sandwich played the theme song. now thats love.

I had this confused emotion if im gonna be amused/entertained or be cynical+annoyed.

I just hope im over the jap superheroes thing. i have to enjoy this every dinnertime.





- is it me or theres something weird about how IDA pronounces "time space warp"?
- was it really necessary to sing queen of the night afterwards? overemphasized. LOL

To all my 90s friends... this is for you.

Every wednesday of my late highschool years and early college days, i stay tune to Eat Bulaga just to watch the streetboys. i wasnt a big fan then but the songs they used to dance were soo good. (i was an xpeople person lol).

then after almost a decade, watching UMD and streetboys dance together is SOMETHING. i mean... getting nostalgic over the song tootsie roll is weird, but its fun.

the new years eve of 2007 became memorable because of the compilation i made. my bandmates and i were supposed to play but the amplifiers were busted so we just played cds. tapos i had this idea on burning one cd that will make them go crazy.

i cant believe my bandmates knew the dance steps of lick it, the sign etc etc and it was HILARIOUS. akala ko magdedeny. pero hindi e. hindi kaya ng mga braso at paa nila because it was moving involuntarily. para lang silang kinokontrol ng subconscious nila.

and just recently, anna told me that UMD and Streetboys danced together in ASAP. I missed it coz i barely watch TV anymore. God Bless Youtube and Anna of course.

This video goes out to all of my friends who would go tumbling when they see this.

ChickFlick.

Yeah. ive spent my days watching  Clueless and Jawbreaker, I know every Mean Girls scene and though i know John Tucker Must Die had this really typical storyline.. i kept on watching it when I'm bored. While I'm eating Milky Way Midnight or Reeses.

Its part research and part fun.

Not to mention the DVD set of the complete seasons of Sex And The City and the re-runs of One Tree Hill and Greys Anatomy.

When one guy thinks almost like a girl in a relationship, its almost perfect. Like on how Mel Gibson feels in What Women Want.

On loving Meg Cabot, (not the Princess Diaries series though... it'll be a fuckin giveaway), its just so weird for a guy standing inside Fully Booked browsing through all the pink books on front of the Young Adult section.

Sexuality issues aside... how can a guy pretend that he doesn't love those things just to prove himself that hes not stereotyped of who he really is? And on a defensive note... aren't you amazed when you see girls in groups, laughing at each other's stories and not competing on who's ego is the biggest? or better yet... not swapping sleazy made-up experiences.

Are guys created to fuck around all his teen life to early adult phase then settle down and show responsibility afterwards? or is it a lot easier being with girls?

Why would people think that guys aren't that sensitive when it comes to chick mind games? Its because My Best Friend's Wedding, The Notebook, If Only, A Walk To Remember, While You Were Sleeping, The Truth About Cats And Dogs, Before Sunrise, and Ever After wouldn't land on the Favorite Movies box in friendster for a guy who'd like to get laid when it comes to meeting up. And i bet every girl have watched it and cried over some scenes, thinking that it could happen to anyone or themselves.

It's like where girls get their questionnaires and guys don't even know where to get the answer key when they give you a surprise quiz.

and that is when girls get so disappointed when guys do not actually meet up to their expectations.

girls aren't supposed to be the fag hags. its the clueless male specie.

And i think "ew" and "duh" are the coolest. lolz
















for the record... i think those things had a big factor for having a 12-year ride on a roller coaster. happy anniversary babe. :D

Grr

Lagi na lang postponed yung pictorial ng sourberry. :(

naffrustrate na ako. nahihiya na rin ako sa band.

di ako natulog. nakapang alis nako. sabay kidlat, ulan. shet.

gusto ko ng palabok tsaka champ. *sigh* ang aga aga gutom nako.

sale pa sa MOA. shet shet.

Vampire.

for four straight days, ive been sleeping around 8am and waking up at around 6pm.

i dont even see the sunlight anymore. :(

anyway, ive got a new layout. emo na naman.

hay vampire na emo.

When i say PRICELESS.. i mean it.

ok. at first i thought ivan would be giving me a ticket to the SWITCHFOOT concert.

No. he had an ALL ACCESS id and i went straight to the moshpit while switchfoot was playing STARS. i was with wawa with aldrin, rochelle, champ, roda, chino, roll and ERIKA, then i saw monty, sheldon, NINA, gracie, dk and mara. anne curtis and rica peralejo were around and isabelle diaz and her friends was with hale.

it was SURREAL. but there were songs that i really havent heard of. theres this song that everyone was singing then erika and i looked at each other, bobbed our heads then laughed so hard because we both dont have any idea what the lyrics were.

they made them eat balot. why oh why. it couldve been biko or suman. and correction, its not the philippines' favorite food noh. hmf. baka matrauma switchfoot di na bumalik.

and so i thought the night was already great. no. theres WAY MORE.

we went backstage hoping to have the setlist signed. ivan was crawling on the stage and of course he got it (as he always does.. hes a POWERFUL POWERFUL person! lol).. but the staff were a bit strict. and i dont have my own ID.

wawa and his GODLY cam is a gift from heaven. the pictures were GREAT grabe.

i went around and there it was. an empty hallway with no guards. i thought there was a catch. coz its weird. its just... there. it was the other gate towards the room where the band is. so rochelle, wawa, aldrin, nina, ivan and i fell in line to MEET AND GREET the band.

we had a little chat with Jerome. the filipino member of the band. and ivan was.. "do you know any bad words? i could teach you!" HAHAHAHA.

we asked to have a pic with the whole band individually and i could just DIE at that moment.

and who wouldnt gloat about that.

it was nina's birthday as well. after the dwelling and the gloating, we were so hungry we walked towards the bridge of macapagal and crossed it to eat somewhere in blue wave. nina paid for our dinner. :*) (ngayon pa ako nahiya eh chicken at palabok inorder ko LOL) i love you nina!! nagmistula lang inimbitahan mo ang switchfoot sa birthday mo. then tumambay muna until 2am.

i had a blast and i only paid for my cab fare. now this is what i call PRICELESS! literally.

The Last Minute Switchfoot Concert.

Its 815 and im blogging. havent taken shower yet to go to the concert.

745PM and Ivan called. i think ives is my concert buddy. last time jason mraz. i have a moshpit ticket to the switchfoot concert. and my pc turned on when i tried it. i love you ivan. fuhrieeeeeeeeennd. hes with wawa and hale by this time. LOL wawa and hale. isnt it nostalgic? :p oi wawerz sa wednesday ha.

this pc is evil. tanginang evil.

switchfoot is daring me to move na. <---- ipilit daw ang punchline.

Grounded.

Im on hiatus not because im grounded. my PC is.

we dont have a landline, somebody stole my last money so di na ako nagload (yeah somebody stole it. sana nawala na lang but yeah. STOLE IT.),  and  i dont have my pc. so theres no way i could communicate with the outside world.

ive changed my AVR thinking its messed up but... yeah whatever. i feel tired talking about that fucking pc.

just came home from our movie night. we watched the invasion. gross.

anyway, i enjoyed the movie and the people im with. i love luanne. seriously. shes so fun.

i miss everyone. as in everyone. para akong nangibang bansa. i did my laundry, i finished two books and i changed my bedsheet twice this week. im THAT bummed out.

after the movie, we had dinner with champ, cher, bianca, shel, luanne, anna and the rest of the halers. humabol si monty and darryl showed up. tapos nagpunta kami nina anna kina shel, borrowed a dvd, some goodie stuff, youtube, pulp magazine and had some mcdo.

so just in case you think im hiding from you... its not. my life's just really weird right now.

--- o O o ---

as much as i want to stop myself from getting SO EXCITED... i wanna announce that i am expecting my new baby.

no im not pregnant you halfwit.


this baby. and hell be delivered by a storck named fedex.

ok ill love my life again.

the nuthin-much post

the week has been a total struggle with my pc. it wasnt the motherboard. it wasnt the RAMs. it wasnt anything but the friggin AVR. it fluctuates electricity, in a very weird manner, that it made my whole CPU grounded, and it suddenly shuts down the system then it restarts, causing the PC to go gaga.

anyway, the week wasnt that exciting except for the part where abhie and trish sets up a gimik last friday then trish doesnt show up, then going to glorietta for the sale last saturday then bumped accidentally on the same people at teriyaki boy.

and now i got this avr from ryan and everythings fine.

oh by the way fans of britney spears, i love the comeback song. ^_^