ick.

There are so many things playing in my mind right now. one thing i need is to blurt it out. i lost a lot of people in my life (aside from being dead, like i felt like i lost them coz we dont see/speak to each other) and i gotta let go of the fact that they are mad at me coz I am failing at almost everything. Kelly was right. No one is actually saying it im just being my old self getting paranoid and self-saboteur. Is it weird that its 10pm and I wanna clean downstairs? I really wanna do and look at pictures. Nah. Im too cozy in my bedroom anyway.

positivity

one thing i learned is pag negative ka,thats the thing you attract, negativity. as if hindi ko pa alam yon. kailangan ko ng human connection. sa grindr naman ibang klase din e. flaredup ang psoriasis ko coz of stress. and wala akong makuhang work. hindi ko alam kung bakit. ang ganda naman ng resume ko. i am still grateful for a lot of things. sa totoo lang. hindi ko alam pano nasusurvive ng mga tao tong pandemic nato. so many random things to say sa totoo lang. ang dami kong di nagagawa. di na nga ako kumakanta nowadays. wala pang nangangamusta. wala pang pumuporma. nakakainis. tapos boses ko sa utak ko lang ang gumagana. hindi ko kaya ang random people. yung basurero dito galit na galit lagi. sana kaya kong sumigaw gaya nya.. hindi ako makatulog. tapos yung ubod mahal kong cable naputol di ko pa naman makita resibo non for warranty. kaasar. should i do vlogging? parang kailangan kong kumita ng dolyar. hindi naman gumagana mga afam na sugar daddy e. yung isa scammer pa. jusko. maging scammer na lang kaya ako kaso di kaya ng kunsensya ko manira ng araw ng ibang tao deliberately.

inaanxious ako kasi mgbibirthday si dex. may gusto akong ibigay e. kaso di kaya ng budget.kaya todo hanap ng paraan. ano naaaaaaaaaa. hindi ko alam nangyayari. lumilipad na naman isip ko.