Lucid Dream

Lucid Dream - Sourberry 
Lucid Dream 
by: Sourberry

a star can shed a thousand tears tonight
please close your eyes and dream here for awhile

ill hold you close
im never letting go
the silent night will keep me awake

is there a chance that this would never end
please stay with me
youre all ill ever need someday, someday

the sun will rise once more
lets watch until it shines
please hold me close and stay with me again, again

dont let this dream end tonight...

</3 </3 </3 


Credits:
Photography: Ryan Ramos
PostProd: Xavier Pepito

1st half of Cebu Vacation.

I still have 5 days remaining. But god, all we do here is eat, go to some random swimming spot, and then... eat. have i told you that we just eat here?

anyway... i think my cousin and i got TONS of pictures from day 1 to day 4. until i think we already got burntout taking pictures. god im still not over that we just eat here.

on our first day (saturday, june 6) we arrived at around 745am, and stayed an hour in mandaue city to buy some lechon (which i dont know why!!!!?!?!) and bibingka to have some "snacks". i just ate 3 pieces coz my cousin and i are still (until this very moment) amazed that you can actually eat lechon and rice inside a moving van. and we arent even hungry since we had some breakfast before our flight. and had some cinnamon sticks in the airport.

we slept our afternoon away after arriving tuburan, cebu at around 12nn (coz i think they stopped thrice to buy some food! god! i figured my aunt just missed cebu delicacies THAT much.) invaded rooms and looked for our sungkaan, then played 1-2-3 pass til morning.

sunday, it was our grandmother's birthday, and wow... i woke up seeing this BIG ROASTED PIG on our table. i actually removed the knife on its head and told my mom that its too barbaric and morbid to see a dead animal stabbed on its skull. how can you fuckin eat that!?!?!?! afternoon, they said were going to the beach but the sun wasnt too friendly coz it just hid itself behind the clouds. as much as i wanted to get darker, apparently, the sea alone cant do anything about it.

monday, my mom and our aunts went to the city to grab some grocery coz my cousin and i wont survive without cheetos and ruffles and chocolate chip cookies. they were out for 16 hours. geez. so i thought of cooking hawaiian adobo and told manang to get some pork in the market. hello... 1 kilo of pork. its actually 15/16 part fat and 1/16 meat. so we just ate the 1/16 meat (and divided into 5) and the pineapples. then spent our afternoon scouring through the streets here and bought some slippers.

today, we went to the cemetery to visit my dad and our relatives then... spontaneously, my aunt and my mom went straight ahead to mantawihan, a river where... carabaos uh... relax. its like a spring... pretty though, but still... it's a carabao spot. AND THEY WANTED US TO JUST DIVE IN. i really found it ironic. coz i bet, there were a lot of people our age who would want to jump in whole-heartedly and their parents would say "NO.. ARE YOU CRAZY?" but it was the opposite way around. i dove with my pants on, and had fun for 20 minutes until we realized there might be snakes or whatever. oh... and there were no carabaos around. just goats. and they werent taking a dip during our race. :p

i pretty much loved it. and i guess the following days would get more exciting. and somehow weird. but enjoyable.

annoying part: NO WIFI. ok na sana na merong internet shop pero POTA ANG MGA NAGLALARO NG DOTA. MAINGAY NA HINDI MAINTINDIHAN.

so i just spent so little time facebooking. ugh facebook withdrawal. :(

The End Of Summer.

I remember when we get excited when summer arrives. We strip away our uniforms and go to the mall, look for shades and spontaneously swim on kiddie pools. There were almost two decades that we wait for it. Watch MTV the whole day, random movies, and sing-along with the songs we wanted to sing. I remember that we promised one summer to both have braces. So we could go to the dentist together.

We spent our childhood memories together. And as far as i can recall, you were the most annoying brat who acts like an indian and goes inside the area we play around. And everytime we talk about it, we laugh so hard and reenact it while eating junk food in your living room.

We went to the same school so we could try to see each other everyday. But there came a time that we drifted apart. For reasons i still cant remember. 

And there were almost 6 summers we didnt talk, didnt see each other... and deleted each other on profile accounts. which actually means on this age, is "friendship over". Until again, we forgot we resent each other, we forgot why, and tried settling our differences. But life occupied so much time, we forgot the essence of one's presence. The time we couldve, shouldve and wouldve.

Until one summer day, we met each other again. Inside a hospital room. But instead of wearing a smiling face, i was stricken that you had so much tubes attached on your body. And i was furiously stopping myself to break into tears. Until you reached out your hand and you said... "I miss you."

The hope that i had was amazing. Or should i say i was in denial. That i never tried visiting you again, never that i shed a tear again, coz i know for sure, that you will be okay. Coz i am still waiting for one day that well do the same things we usually do. And then your surgery went okay, and you won the battle against the war many of us fear to deal with. Cancer.

So both of our hopes were there. That youre just recovering, That we will be going out as soon as possible. But alas, of all false things, why would it be our hopes and your lab results?

You celebrated your birthday a week ago and that was the last time i saw you smile. I heard you talk. And you said, youll be okay. I thought you said youre going to be okay.

Again, you ran away. As much as i wanted to accept it, i still cant. Coz i know youre not coming back anymore. But i know it wasnt youre choice. It wasnt anybody's choice. And i still cant bear the fact that we missed a lot of summers.

After it ended, rain started pouring. And i know that the sky is also crying along with a lot of people. Especially for me. But still, i will always remember you as our "sharky". The brat i mostly got annoyed. And one of the best friends ive known.

We'll miss you Wine. You know that i love you very much. Farewell. We'd still hangout and then... well not wait for summer anymore.

Treehouse Prod // Nani's World Launch // May 22, 2009

ok.. at first, i really dont know where to blog about last night, (i just came home and its 534am), and i thought what the hell, im blogging this in every blog that i have.

This Treehouse night was the funnest. ♥♥♥

It was crazy... coz out of 7 bands... 3 bands that occupied the early slots couldnt make it. so instead, we started it with Hale's one-hour set. plus the video. Then Gabeel, Rubberpool, Mayonnaise and Hilera played such great sets. Special thanks to Rubberpool for filling one slot. One great slot indeed.

Nani Naguit (the director of Hale's Sandali na Lang), hosted the show and was friggin crazy the whole night. it was such a long time since ive felt my cheeks hurt like that. I was literally LMAO-ing with his Champ antics. swear to god.

Seeing Don, Jamie, Tukne, Anna, Jemyehbeybeh, Erika, Sam, Pao and Mamu made it more special coz i missed them so much!!!

I think the best part was when Chris of Hilera jammed with Mayo, then Nani sang with them plus Pao giving out all of his remaining energy, beatboxing... and had a medley of Mayonnaise/Beatles/Shania Twain/Lady Gaga and i dunno... Ne-yo, was it?... plus rapping and holy shit... ive never seen the crowd so wild inside club dredd. Everybody was surely enjoying it, laughing, screaming, clapping, standing up and cheering for everyone onstage... it was THE BEST.

After the event, Hilera and Mayonnaise plus Ryan, Anna, Don, Joan, Rae, Ehboi, and me, ate our Hearts out at something fishy, having a feast while talking about Angels and Demons, Youtube stuff and scandals... bingeing our souls out, (hello gluttony!) until we just wanted to throw up inside mcdonalds and decided to go home.

again, for all who missed Treehouse this month, shit man... i just wish you're playing pet soc or restaurant city and bought a lot of stuff or else... youve missed one happy friday of your life. :D

The Gloom that covers the Earth.

Yeah literally. its summer and we get to choose whether we burn under the scorching hot ultraviolet rays of the sun or swim amidst the irritating humidity. And i get to choose Resaturant City. Or Pet society. lol

Ive been missing a lot of series, still downloading them though but i cant keep my eyes off my pet or my employees. I should try bump my head so i could detach to it. Oh facebook. Why have you forsaken me?

Anyway, im going back to school. Yeah. I dont get to choose MMA coz i feel like a 4-year course takes forever. So ill just finish accountancy then. But i think i could finish off Physical Therapy too. then... omg ill get to wear scrubs. lol wow.  really BIG PLANS huh xavier. (thats just me again talking to myself... in case you dont get it.)

And while studying, im also planning on getting a job. I think its time i could use my idle time to something realistic. I could still party of course. And what i mean by partying is hanging out with JP, Ivan, Trish, Yesh, Ona, Dianne, Ryan, Abhie or Erika and Sam. It always feels like a party without alcohol. Well, except for Trish's version. Life is not even life at all without alcohol.

I havent been blogging on my multiply (thats here) coz hmmm... i feel like i lost my identity trying to filter all the thoughts im going to blog. I am a person part-angry and almost-full fun.  So i think i shouldnt really care about snoopy people. In case youre one of them, ill be delighted if you just delete me if youre so annoyed with what i post. I dont really care if i flood your newsfeed, just fuckin delete me. *sincere smile* (oh i learned from the best!)

i also wanted to try video blogging or make skits which is like TOTALLY funny, (seriously... it never failed when i do it LIVE.) but im just concerned with my computer coz when i tried editing some videos from our video cam, i felt like its going to explode. Processor issue perhaps.

And one last thing, i hate it when its so gloomy yet its so bright. Like theres this bright light covered by a dirty off-white cloth. oh i cant wait for 2012 to come and end THIS AGE (not the world, ok!) coz it seemed like every scientific bully blames the soon-to align planets. Even nostradamus. What the hell is wrong with that guy?

Ive heard that Nostradamus is Hiro Nakamura. yeah yeah. an attempt of a joke.

Treehouse this April presents: Mayonnaise's Torres Video Launch

Lets forget the Bipolar Weather and enjoy a summer weekend with bands and a great video!!! Taralets Bagets!

I know this creature..

that really tried to fit in. As in, super trying hard. Teka, kailangan ko lagyan ng bullets para mas organized. :) medyo gusto ko kasing maemphasize kung bakit ko nasabi yon e.

· She did cosplays even though she doesnt love animes.
· A self-proclaimed "true writer, poet, and an artist." wow. esteem-boost much?
· She had a multiply account selling her used electric breast pumps (have you ever thought of buying a 2nd hand electric toothbrush?)
· She tantrums pag hindi nasusunod yung gusto nya. Or dahil naubusan sila ng ice cream, kasi may friend kaming umuwi ng Italy, tapos walang dalang pasalubong, although hindi naman inannounce sa mundo na magpapaice-cream sha ha, nandon ang buong barkada, except for them, tapos nung naabutan nilang ubos na yung ice cream, gumawa ng eksena. LOL. Talk about patay-gutom hello.
· She bought angel wings, kahit puro utang na yong asawa nya dahil may baby sila.
· She wears corsets, sa labas ng t-shirt. Kung blouse man yon, masyadong malaki for a blouse. Kaya siguro napunta lahat ng manas nya sa braso. Ay grabe, ang laki nung braso non, pero feeling Gisele Bundchen. No exaggerations.
· Nagpapasubo sha ng food IN PUBLIC. They makeout anywhere, everywhere, no matter kung may mga bata. And im not talking about your ordinary kiss ha. This is French , ladies ang gentlemen. She sits on her bf’s lap while RENTING computer. Tapos natutulog din sila don ng magkakandong. Basta parang naging biktima ng Alzheimer’s or Huntington’s. Tipong imbalido na at kailangan ng nurse para makakain. Or caregiver.
· She loves S and M. As in Sadomasochism. I have nothing against it since kanya kanya naming trip yan, pero wag naman tayong maging proud masyado SA FRIENDSTER para ilagay sa about me page natin. Konting discretion naman or kahihiyan para sa mga nakakatandang nag-aruga sa atin. May mga bagay naman kasing hindi na kailangang i-announce. “Hi! I love S & M… do you wanna hurt me?” And she was just 17 when she posted it. Promoting statutory rape? Til now, she is proud to flaunt "underage" sexiness. Not even thinking of her LITTLE GIRL'S welfare. wala pa nga atang one year old anak nya pero my god, bear with the fact that you need your child to grow in a safe environment. Non--predatory.
· She had an “Audrey Hepburn” haircut na sinearch nya pa sa google tapos nagpa "home service" sa kanila kahit ala una na ng madaling araw, at dahil kaibigan rin namin yung naggugupit, wala silang pakialam kung nakakahiya man or what
· She tried to prove that she’s intelligent, one time naglaro kami ng cranium tapos binastos nilang mag-bf yung kaibigan naming hindi naman sila inaano, nagpustahan pa sila ng limang piso kasi hindi raw masasagot yung question, funny thing is, kasama nila sa team yon.
· She tried to write, tapos nangccriticize sha ng gawa ng iba. Like… as if critic talaga sha. Pero grabe… hahahaha. Natawa ako sa “music review” nya. Po-post ko yung link kaso dagdag views pa sa kanya. Eh super sikat pa naman siya sa community namin.
· She pretends she’s still studying at St. Scholastica tapos nung nakita naming naka PWU uniform sha, kulang na lang tumakbo . Minamata raw sha sa starbucks kasi taga-PWU lang sha. WTF. 'Til that moment, ive never actually thought… “anong nakakahiya sa Philippine Women’s University?”
· She pretends to be a lost soul, kaya mas pinili nyang lokohin ang boyfriend nya kapalit ng kalaro nya sa ragnarok. Nadala lang daw sha ng isang series… or movie. Kaya nya nagawa yon. OMG ROTFLMAO.
· And lastly… kaka-blog nya lang regarding HYPOCRITES. Yung mga nagpupunta raw sa simbahan. OMFG. ROTFLMAO. Funny thing is, she just posted sa shoutout nya like a week ago… “Everyone is free to do things. You are not god to tell me what to do.. blah blah.” “I hate people who hates people.” – HAHAAHAHAHA shit HAHAHAHAHAA. Not realizing it came full circle. hahahahahahahaha

Ako magb-blog regarding Irony. Wala yata shang idea kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng ipokrito.

I am such a big fan of her, She’s super courageous. Nakakainis nga lang kasi no matter how hard I try to ignore her, may magrereact sa inbox ko, mageemail, or mababanggit ng ibang tao sa sobrang irita nila. So I have nothing to do but react. Wala kasi shang idea that everyone hates her. Kung tutuusin, naaawa na ako kasi minsan out of the blue mababanggit na lang siya. And once she hears about it, she thinks its because she’s popular. *sighs* Meron pang artworks ng mukha nya, status messages about how they hate her, medyo parang… fact na lang yon under the sun. Parang daga lang. Maruming daga na punung puno ng leptospirosis na virus. You might wanna hate it, pero you co-exist.

Pero ang edge on hating rats, or spiders, you can just exterminate them. So people… stop the hatred. Learn the fact na ganyan lang talaga sha.

I know you may think this is mean. But this is me without trying to be a bitch. This is me, trying to put out the facts, or what we call "common knowledge" about her. Everyone on our community, even the elders, talked to me... "huy nakasabay ko yung kaibigan mo sa jeep, sabihan mo naman at naghahalikan sa harap ng maraming tao."

Im so sorry but i cannot let myself associated with people na gutom sa laman in public. That is not love my dear friends. That is just plain disgusting. May lugar naman kasi para sa lahat ng bagay. At hindi talaga tamang lugar ang jeep, or computer shops.

So once again, its a lesson learned. If you do not want attention, do not seek for it. Stop being provocative. Kasi as much as i wanna stop typing, i really wanna express the disgust im feeling. ang ganda ng gising ko Lord. Kahit naman siguro sinong nilalang, ayaw ng ganyan. Unless, may issues talaga psychologically.

We may want to be expressive or artistic, pero lets keep our feet on reality's ground. We live in a catholic, traditional country, where poverty is one of the major problems, tapos magiinarte ka as if youre blair waldorf? suck it up. be considerate. actually WALA akong pakialam sa trip mo. kaso alam mo kung bakit bobo ang bansang to? dahil sa mga taong gaya mo.

ilang baygon ang pwede kong gamitin, lumayo ka lang para hindi magkasakit ang komunidad namin? malala na kasi yung cancer e. tapos malignant na stage 4 ka pa.

And this is all about an apology?

Okay. ayoko na nito. ang laking kabobohan ko na binasa ko pa yung blog ng may blog paano kasi inadd-add ako tapos nasa notifications. kaya dinelete ko na lang. para wala nang katarantaduhang nagaganap.

kung ang isang tao ay naghihintay lang ng "sorry", hindi yan magkakalat ng isang bagay na ikasisira ng isa pang tao. napaka-simple. ang sorry hindi yan hinihingi. kusa yang binibigay. parang respeto.

isa pa, ang katangiang pansarili gaya ng pag-claim na mapagbigay, understanding, mabait... ay walang iba kundi tinatawag na self-proclaimed. doon, hihintayin mo rin ang ibang taong magsabi non sayo.

ganon kagullible ang mundo. lalo na kung kasiraan ng isang tao ang paguusapan. so if you have the purest intention of just telling your "friend" about what you feel, i do not think you need to have it spread like a virus. hindi ba ang pinakamadaling gawin ay ang lapitan ang isang taong hinihintayan mo ng sorry? ang tawag don, communication.

hindi yung may nadadamay. ang taong may utak, alam yon. hindi ko ituturo sa anak ko na oras na may manakit sa kanya, ipagkalat nya sa mga kaibigan ng nanakit sa kanya. hindi yung kukunin mo ang loob ng mga kaibigan nya. kasi malaking kabobohan yon.

una sa lahat, wag mo kaming gawing tanga. hindi ko na babanggitin ang pangalan mo dahil kinasusuklaman ko ang mga taong gaya mo. walang hobby, walang ibang kaibigan at hindi marunong magisip.

hindi kita inaalisan ng karapatang magsalita. pero kung kaibigan ko na at lahat kami ang sinasabi mong "damay", hindi kami gaya mo na madadaan lang ng sorry. kung na-convert ko ang sorry sa piso, nakapagpatayo na ako ng bahay.

ISANG BAGAY NA LANG? open ang doors mo? para kausapin ka for whats going on? BAKIET??? wala rin ba kaming hobby gaya mo?

i, for one, DO NOT EVEN BELIEVE, or have the slightest sympathy on people like you. thats why i hate condescending people. they think they are the victims, unknowingly, they were the ones who first fired the shot.

kainis hindi ko mapost "for everyone". ang tanga ko idinelete ko pa yung hayup nayon. e di ngayon nagblog ako na hindi nya mababasa. SENSELESS. nanghinayang naman ako sa effort ko.

putangina kasing kuneho yan. aga aga nasisira araw ko.

To Jan Fritz.

Jan in case you havent read my reply using eboy';s friendster account, i also thought of posting this in my blog, with everyone reading what i have told you. as i make this clear, i just want for everyone to know what and how i reacted on this. you had it subjected as "friendships"... well now its easier this way isnt it?

"Dyan-Prits wrote:
> hi! muztah? di ba frendz nman tau... may gs2 lng po me sbhin... lam mo minsan, kh8 ndi directly un mga pnagsasasabi or pinagsisisigaw ni ls, nakaka-offend na din... kh8 ba sbhin natin na pag dadaan ako pag-uwi ko tapos, magsasalita kau nna al ng "ls", tpos, i2 nman c ls, mumurahin kau ng "PI", di ba offending din un, kh8 pa sabihin nating biruan lng un... di pa din un mgandang pakinggan... and, ung mga reactions nya, pra syang bata... bk8 di na lang kz sya mkipagharapan sa kin at ilabas ang galit nya... sanay naman nko sa pagbugbog nya... sanay na ko sa mga pasa sa katawan... lam yan nna ryan.."

jan... si chin to. wala akng friendster and it just so happened that i read this message since i deleted my account, i think you also oughta know what i feel about this kind of situation. 'coz its pretty clear to us, as you also sent me a text message about it.

at first, it wasnt clear to everyone what happened between you and LS. i knew LS for just a short period of time. and now that youve mentioned it, that hes hurting you, that doesnt actually sound right. or... thats isnt even right at all.

LS, with all his might, is trying to avoid you. everytime he's with us, he spontaneously goes home when he sees you coming. he never opened up to any one of us what really happened. i asked him questions. i even thought you were siblings. and when it was made clear to me that you were "exes" as many people would refer to it, i stayed away from the issue.

thing is, for me... its really annoying. first, in behalf of al, rey madriaga, and the people who just became friends with LS, do not have any right to command or post authority above him. we are older than him, but if we try to emphasize that point, you are older than him as well.

second, if he is the one who's hurting you, why does it seem like... as an observer... you are the one trying to reach out for some reconciliation or maybe for a small talk.

third, if you are offended by it, why dont you tell LS himself, and not re-direct it from us. i just have this one question in mind... do u even want us to get involved with this? im just curious.

jan... youre an educator. as far as i can see, i know youre a good person. but come on, as an adult, i know you know what to do. also... now that were here, i want you to know that you should also stop involving other people about your issue. because every single one of us, has its own battle to face.

i am never a meddler. i dont even take interest on this kind of situation. in this so-called friendship... why are we also going to superimpose some "power" or "wisdom" to LS? is it because were older? coz if thats the case... you can try reading this message again so you wouldnt miss my point.

dont get me wrong. but id prefer for you to talk to us in person, rather than send us text messages or friendster message. coz this is tacky, lame and immature.

i also want you to know that im outspoken. and i hope you wont take ANY offense on this reply. thanks.

As the new sun arises..

"none are more hopelessly enlslaved than those who believe they are free"

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

... i realized that i dont need my friendster and myspace accounts. im also deleting people from my multiply i really havent met or um... didnt know at all.

i also deleted my ym accounts. i am also going to change my number.

back to being not in the middle. now, im taking sides. MY SIDE.

bye deleted friends and stuff. :)

Fighting for Custody.

The battle has just begun.

And there are no other collateral damage but my precious innocent daughter.

This has been one of the shittiest weeks. except when im with my friends. they make me cling on to my sanity.

and to my one and only sister, ang tangi kong kakampi sa lahat ng laban ko. my one and only sponge.

i just feel like sharing this coz ayoko namang clueless ang mundo. too bad i added random people here who couldnt care less but what the heck. andito iba kong kaibigan e.

its just so hard to always put up a happy face. and some people think that they could just do or say anything to me like theyre the only ones who are tired of this sickening cycle. i think im blogging this, for people to also be aware that anyone, in one instance, could just snap. and might do something irrational.

pero yeah, i will be rising above. no matter what, i still have the most important people in my life. nabawasan nga lang ng ilan coz of reasons i cant elaborate, but still. there are still people who could still make me hold on.

i dont wanna get bitter, pero by this experience, i think ill be learning a lot of life lesson.

i will just love myself, stop adjusting, relying and depending on others. coz in the end, all weve got is a handful of real friends, and ourselves.

The Valentine Grinch.

I was a big fan of love.

i remember the first time i fell. it was something that couldnt make me sleep. that couldnt make me sustain a laughter. and that is when the object of my affection couldnt leave my mind. it is when i first wanted to have my own phone line inside my room. it was the time when i always waited for letters, for a simple hi. it was when i dont use my lunch money so i could buy her a soccer ball stuffed toy. it was when i always wanted to wear a polo shirt so i could have her parent's validation. her cousins' and siblings'. and thats when my heart first got trampled on.

i became a bitter person after that. i was furious for no reason at all. i just feel that theres always a hand crushing my heart whenever i wake up. until time made that hand loosen up a little. so it could beat again. and ive never thought twice for loving again. because yes... i told you im a big fan of love.

but in between, i played around. coz i needed to revive my almost dead self-esteem. principles grew up on me. ive questioned the term "unconditional love". because love has always been unconditional. when you have conditions, it is never love. its a business deal. falling out is politically incorrect. its climbing out if you fall in. so after you have loved someone, there will always be a part of you that when fate makes you meet each other somewhere unexpectedly, your heart still stops. and you try to move on, distract yourself, and have either of your wishes.

you reconcile... or have a better partner. it becomes a competition. it will always be a pride festival. the epic days or worse years, of proving whos wrong. who ruined it. who fucked it up. until we "move on". i put quotation marks with it coz its another term we use as how we try to put life, sleeping and waking up, in two words.

until my heart beats again. coz again... im a big fan of love. for years on trying to prove that love isnt just a bad habit to break. my heart got filled with dreams. with a future. with so much music in it. it was filled with memories that made me human. that made me feel im capable. that made me feel secured that fuck yeah... i will forever be happy. and one person proved again, bursts my bubble, that.... forever isnt fucking real. then my heart, filled with a lot of things, almost stopped beating. coz the dreams that made it beat, got shattered into pieces.

coz in between, i had an irregular heartbeat. my heart got confused. it wanted to be vengeful. it wanted to hurt other people's heart. coz when i loved someone again, that person had a weird perception of love. i said love will make people happy. when i say happy, its not the mediocred version of happiness. its the real deal. and that person said... "love will always make you feel the worst. its built that way. love is pain. and i love you."

so i really didnt get it at first. do you really wanted me to suffer? coz thats how love worked for you? and then i gave that person up. went back to the old love where people agreed on. where people would actually cheer on it. coz its normal. its typical. without them having any idea, how i suffered during the process of loving.

and then i had the one who got away. the one who had full of lies. the one who made me believe that there is love. that i will always and forever be happy. because i deserved to be happy. but forever hasnt arrived, and yet, i found myself alone. and lied upon. over and over and over again.

and now, my heart couldnt contain a day that people celebrates it. coz the next year or the next next, i see people celebrating it with a different person. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU DO THAT? is there a medication where you could just swallow then it kills all the post-traumatic aches? i would be very glad to buy a hundred bottles.

if i wear red today, its just because i only wore red. i wear black, because i only wore black. NOT BECAUSE I HATE IT, I LOVE IT, but because its just another day where people lie to each other and tell that they will always be the one for them.

sorry to burst your bubble, but youre just making flower shops and insulin drug laboratories a day happier.

fuck valentines. love isnt real. its because everyone is just afraid to be alone. dogs die alone. what makes you think we're a lot more different.

and once you bump into cupid, can you tell a little bit of something to him from me? give him my address, or text me then we can meet at starbucks robinsons place malate. i have my own arrows to shoot back at him. and ill blog about what he feels after that.

As we call ourselves friends...

... lets be sensitive enough and let me emphasize that im old.

and oo maarte ako.

nakakapagod magpaliwanag, magalit, and be self-righteous. lets not forget that we are doing each other favors pero wag nyo naman akong i-overlook. marami rin akong iniisip and the least that i could deal with is the people around me is too insensitive and takes what i wanted.

hindi ako mahirap kausap.
hindi ako manggagamit.

pero give me the credit that i deserve.

hindi ako mukhang pera.
hindi ako materyoso.
at marami akong prinsipyong hindi maintindihan ng karamihan sa lahat.

wala akong pinagmamalaki.
wala akong sinusumbat.
ako ang klase ng taong dinaan sa positibo ang lahat.

im reasonable.
rational.

and if you acknowledge that i am your friend, try to appreciate the effort, and the things that no fucking money or object could buy.

i am not asking for anything.
when one thing is given, i didnt ask you OR FORCE YOU to give me that thing.
so do not EVER EVER blame me or emphasize that i owed you anything.
hindi ako namimili ng kaibigan. hindi rin ako bumibili ng kaibigan.
alam kong marami rin kayo non. and when that time comes, we will be surprised that we are still breathing without each other.

im so tired of compromising. so go learn how life works all by yourself, and i will do the same with mine.

if you say that we are friends... then live by it.
if you also think its better for our friendship to be over... its ok. coz youll eventually find someone that youre on the same page with. same as with me.
if you wanna stay... stay. lets just make sure that we fight the battles together. and lets also make sure that THAT battle is worth fighting for.

and when i say battle, it means that i know how some battles work. do not insist anything i do not want to do. my judgment isnt covered with fear. i know how to fight. i also know when and where to fight. no one fights without any ammunition. dahil sa lahat ng gera, napansin kong ako ang laging nasa unahan, so hindi kayo ang tatamaan ng bala.

madali akong kausap. wag nyong gawing problema na ako lang ang bastos at maarte. gusto ko lang nagkakaliwanagan tayo.

Stopping the Retrograde Effect

There are hundreds
fucked up shits
that no one could ever get
nor explain
the mystery of
alignments

Science had proven
gravity
inertia
momentum
as existent forces.
Pheromones
brainwaves
and that
Pluto was NEVER a planet.

When you thought you had yourself pulled
as to a pulley
pull pull pull and pull a little more
then when those phalanges let go of the rope
you crash.
badly, as to from
what height.
but gravity is constant.

senses.
common senses.
common as from a study of a group
of a hundred
or seventeen
and if majority agrees on one thing
its called the norms.

now what is normal to you
how do you define normal
how do you define things
its always has been the battle of faith
and facts.

so how do we conclude?
do we rationally calculate ourselves?
and on what measurement?

kindness to others
money
success...
how do we define success?
happiness
contentment
gratitude

ah.
the mystery of those.

lets just blame abnormalities
to mercury.
coz that's the safest way.
on trying to elaborate
rationalization
of what egotists
and users usually do.

can we stop it?
yeah, i thought so too.
its fuckin hopeless.



the world will be revolving.
but im stopping.
im on fucking hiatus.

Treehouse Anniversary.

Well actually, im pretty bummed up until now. i used up a 2-day energy yesterday. Thank god for Emy, Abby and Les.

19 bands. wow. and i cant imagine that theyd all play in one night. Kelevra wasnt there to play though. *sigh* everybody should look out for that band. Once you hear their songs live... god... you wouldnt even believe that it wasnt from the radio.

Note: Im so sorry Carla. Everything was so delayed. :( super babawi ako.

When i first saw Joan, i breathed a little. ayun may kakapitan ako ng sanity. then hazel and hannah came. then anna. then DON AND LIZA!!!! ayun nataranta na ako at wala na akong baterya. kung sansan na ako napadpad. wawa!!!!!!!!! shet!

kaso di ko na kaya. LOL. nung lagay na yon, naglasing na ako at kung saan saan na ako nagpupunta.

im about to post pictures pero it was the time when im drunk na already. I love you Erika and Sam. and SOURBERRY! plus the whole of my tropa.

especially to my little cousin, kristin, who suddenly became the angel that saved me from all the BS that ive been through. nobodys fault, i know. i blame it on the mercury retrograde.

To all the bands, to all the people who came and stayed, soooooopper thank you!

and happy birthday to pao and champ.

Treehouse Update: Gates open@ 6PM // feb 7

since napakaraming banda at libre... we moved it to 6pm para hindi masyadong late umuwi yung mga gustong mapanood lahat. at agahan nyong lahat so you could have your space dahil libre to hehehehehe.

see you!1 6pm andun na dapat kayo! :D

Treehouse First Anniversary - Feb 7, 2009. Free Admission!!

TARA PUNTA NA LIBRE TO!!!

Youre so vain, you even think this blog is about you.

Disclaimer: This post is so negative, you might not even want to read it. naglalabas lang ng SOBRANG inis dahil nakakairita na.


i really do not have business with you. really.
im just so tired of accepting the fact that we co-exist. really
im so tired of you being condescending and all at the same time, being such a trying-hard pathological bitch. really.

and please please, i am begging you...

i get the fact that we breathe the same air and live under one sun. pero one request lang...

can you get off my fuckin area? try befriending my friends for i dont know what sick reason you have. dont you have any??? my god youre so annoying.

everybody hates you... and you know why? coz ur a motherfucking insensitive wannabe, who pretends to be bipolar and seeks a lot of attention from everyone. i was not reacting at first, coz its how i knew you and i told everyone to just accept the fact that maybe, in some weird cosmic joke, you were considered normal with that kind of personality. though whenever i speak your name, i can taste vomit in my mouth, coz im not just mad at you, i resent you.

and yes, hatred is such an effort to begin with, but again, if youd interpret what you do pre-internet times, YOU BUTT IN ANYTIME YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO... and back then, we call it rude. so i do not hate you for no reason at all. i hate you coz you grab our attention to hate you even MORE.

can you like... find other people on other circles to bother? and pretend that youre friends with them?! GOD.

wow. i cant even read it myself. sobrang BAD VIBES talaga tong taong to. gigising ka, yan ang mararamdaman mo. bulsyet.

Fernando Torres Presents...

taralets!

Motivate. // And all edited additional Fckd up random things.

After waking up, and cleaned up the terrace (ugh Charlie you are the messiest dog EVER!), i cleaned up my violin, played a lil paramore tribute, (yey!) watched house, cooked corned beef burger patties, then took a bath while gone in 60 seconds is playing then went straight to mag:net hi-street for play4serve. Met DK to return her ID. hahahaha.

Apparently, this mercury retrograde is making everyone to do change. Big time change. ;)

Monty arrived first, then shel and then the rest of them, downstairs, laughing our hearts out while Pao is beatboxing and Monty rapping. Why do i always forget to take a video when they do those crazy stuff. LOL

Imago is always ALWAYS amazing. ive heard two of their new songs and should i just say that its WOW. Hale was so energized, i got tired of just watching them. oh and Zach has his new solo album. That i cant wait to have. :D

Emy was there. ♥ After the gig Champ drove us to greenbelt then we went to 6750 and grabbed some coffee. talked about the upcoming treehouse gig. :D

Im excited for our Iloilo gig. Thats also the last day of me being the temp. hahahahaha.


additional:

And because i bumped in to the date December 21, 2012... which apparently is the end of the world, it burst my happy bubble. and there are already scientific claims that "A new model uses satellite data from the past nine years to show how sudden fluid motions within the Earth's core can alter the magnetic envelope around our planet. This represents the first time that researchers have been able to detect such rapid magnetic field changes taking place over just a few months.

the Mayan calendar was the basis of all of these since they were more astrological and that certain date was called the "end of age". aeon actually, could just say end of age. but again, as human beings who got so paranoid caused by all the shit happening around us, i think its time to end this world.

kidding. hahahaha. lets all cross the bridge when we get there. if ever there would be one standing bridge. LOL

if youre kinda curious about it, try looking for esoteric agenda in youtube or download it in torrent. its fascinating actually. how paranoia-inducing it could be.

(after 20 mins:)

I checked youtube agad AND OMG, binawi nya yung pagkakaburst ng bubble ko. hindi lang ito happy bubble. PAMATAY BUBBLE ang ibinalik. OMG. watch this. YOU SHOULD! hahahahahaha

Ping Pong.

Naranasan nyo na ba yung minsan... iniisip mo na lang na sobra kang magisip kaya tinatabi mo na lang yung kutob mo na meron kang kaibigan na tinuring mong "totoong kaibigan" at siya pala yung taong nagkamali ka ng pagtatanggol ng mga nakaraang buwan o taon?

na siya pala ang taong matagal ka nang ibinenta, matagal ka nang iniwanan sa ere, at siniraan ka na sa mga iba mo pang kaibigan na nakikisama na lang sayo. dahil lang sa dahilan na masaya kang kasama at hindi dahil kaibigan ka nila.

mas masaklap, lalapit lang pag may kailangan.

ang nakakainis, pag nagpakatotoo ka, lagi kang kontrabida. alam naman natin talagang nakakaburat ang katotohanan e, pero hindi ba mas magandang alam natin yon kesa sabihin nating "ang ganda ganda ng sikat ng araw" kahit bumabagyo. na merong isang tao na ihaharap sayo yon, hindi dahil gusto nyang sukatin ang pagkatao ng isat-isa, kundi dahil ganon talaga ang pagkakaibigan.

i conclude that the word "love" and "friendship" has been so overused, people thought that its just a better word for acquaintance, company and a lack of control in self-habit.

kaya ang saya ng pasok ng taong 2009. nakikita mo na yung kulay, yung kapangitan at kagandahan ng lahat. pero wow. nakakabigla na ganun pala talaga ang mundo. i thought ive learned enough. hindi pa pala..

Veronika Decides To Die (The Movie)

This book changed my life. Literally. And i have never EVER thought they will make a movie out of it.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is somehow promising. Im hoping that this will be a great one. Sobrang umaasa na hindi nila sisirain ang libro.

Pero nabaliw ako nung nalaman kong may movie na. Pati Confessions of a Shopaholic (which is weird coz when my sister and i were talking about Devil Wears Prada, nagtaka ako bat wala pa yung Shopaholic.)

Thanks Ryan. Wow lang at natagpuan mo ito.

The Happy Birthday Monty Gig ♥

My head hurts so much. And i feel like throwing up but my stomach doesnt have anything in it except uric acid i guess. I guess i drank too much last night.

But thats how good Monty's Birthday Party is.There were lots of bands, a sprinkle of drama (actually, it was the guard's idea to create drama, which is senseless and fuckedup.), and lots of fun.

I really didnt care much if our band sounded good or not. as long as i know i got the notes and the words right. hahahaha and again, i was so drunk when we performed. but according to people i trust, yes we did good.

Sam and Erika were there! ♥♥♥ Champ, DK, Monty, and i were in one table talking about the hills and Gossip Girl and how we try to imitate them talk. hahahahahaha and there was TOO MUCH information going on there... right Erika? hahahahahahahahahahaha

A lot of our friends came. Amie was there. *woot* Jim was there, and Dimples and everyone. It's also Ehboi's birthday when the clock struck 12. <|:D~

Oh shit. that reminds me. i have to send luanne our song. eeep. Luanne, Roll, VJ and Angel gave me the courage to have that extra energy. hahahaha

Again to Monty, even though i almost became the birthday bear last night and kept on greeting him the whoooooooollle party whenever we bump into each other, Happy Birthday! Youre one of the kindest, the sweetest, and the funniest person i knew. You deserve great YEARS to come. we love you! ♥ Happy Birthday!

For Sale: Squire Stratocaster and Digitech RP400a Effects

Hi guys. Im selling my guitar and my effects for a package of 10k. If youre going to buy it individually, its 6k each.

The guitar has been used for just a few times. It was actually the guitar champ used on their first MTV PILIPINAS live performance. Roll Martinez signed it and it has the sticker of Imago's Akap which was given by Myrene Academia herself. (Kung pwede ko lang tanggalin for sentimental purposes ginawa ko na kaso mukhang masisira yung itsura nung guitar. heehee. I used the effects twice lang.

Im planning to focus on the violin kasi and im not using it anymore so if anyone's interested, just message me and ill give you a Private Message. :D