after so many years, heartbreak must be my motivation on blogging. since ive been shitposting on social media, the least chance that i am bothering anyone is through my blog. gotta stay out of any messaging platfroms coz i now realized that i am really fucking pathetic begging for answers i know im not really going to get.
so i was so in love with an asshole for 2 years. i mean hes way younger than me so i let his insensitivity slide. looking to other guys, thirst trapping, and then i thought of mindfucking him by telling stories, and also messaging other guys so i guess that psych strategy didnt work out. instead, he used his father's death to breakup. but then seeing him sleep around hurts me coz in the back of my head, i always hope that we will be back together. no matter what he did during the breakup days, i was ready to accept him anytime he wants. until my friends hated him because of what they witness thats happening to me. i lost the energy i once had, that i have this aura of wanting to be alone. i hate it that every single thing reminds me of him. i thought i could accept it but i am just okay to hating him. i think hes deliberately hurting me making me see those facebook comments, tagged photos and shit, whoring around showing off that hes so fuckable, he doesnt care about HIV.
and i cant believe my masochistic pathetic self for chaasing him everytime theres a chance, because hes so boring and lacks a lot of diskarte in life pushed him to chase his dreams and supported him on all his decisions, carrying the relationship alone, man, i cant even think of a time when he initiated to eat out or watch a movie. i even made him aware of what pop culture is. i mean i gave him the cool o he could be more confident of himself. and what i get is this shit.
now i feel better. thank you internet. ill go back to watching netflix. i was just triggered folding his garbage of underwears. i just wnna throw all of those out.
