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ive been drinking straight, everyday, since may 14.

hi im xavier. and im an alcoholic.

nah. sunud sunod lang ang okasyon. at may inuubos lang akong gamot. *winks*

funny though... i am open about it with my family and friends. its not substance abuse i tell ya.. masarap lang talaga matulog and laging maganda ang mga araw ko. kahit ngayong maysakit ako... ok lang. di ako nadedepress, hindi ako nagiisip ng kagaguhan. pero ayokong i-justifgy na sobrang tama sha. at least i still have control of myself.

may aunt gave me anti-depressants and gamot sa heart. galing germany. wag na raw akong magvalium. mas maganda raw yun kasi tulog agad ako. i love my family.

sabi ko.. "hindi ba masama yan auntie... eh para sa heart yan??"
sabi nya... "gamot nga e. e di maganda sa puso."

O_o hahahahahahahahaha. matinong tao tong kausap ko ha. disciplinarian pa yan. lang halong biro.

anyway...

**********

claire, one of the hottest babes (that could never EVER ever be replaced.. 2nd place after the cheche and elisha cuthbert tie-up) tagged me.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
Another FridaY Morning - Hale
nye. its monday.

Will you get far in life?
Oklahoma - Billy Gilman
hahahahahahaha. wtf.

How do your friends see you?
especially fo you - MYMP
*blushes*

Will you get married?
Number five with a bullet - taking back sunday
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

What is your best friend's theme song?
The closer i get to you - Nina
AHA. friends pala ha.

What is the story of your life?
Hymn - Jars of clay
ah. god loves me.

What was high school like?
Nothing fails - madonna
my seatmate surely did.

How can you get ahead in life?
Bring you down - Left Front tire
uh... im a good person.. sorry for that people. THIS IS JUST A FUNNY THING I OBEDIENTLY ANSWER. (tanginang defensive amputa)

What is the best thing about your friends?
Half-life - Duncan Shiek
like in coma or sumn? yeah makes a lot of sense

What is today going to be like?
Its my party - Leslie Gore
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ERIKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why is this song here in my ipod hahahahahaha. ANSAYA!!!! I LUV U SOOO MUCH!

What is in store for this weekend?
Sukob na - (that abscbn song na di ko kilala ang artist)
baka uulan. *shrugs*

What song describes you?
Elastic - cambio
oh yeah thats EXACTLY me.

To describe your grandparents?
Warning - incubus
huh???

How is your life going?
You could make a killing - aimee mann
freaky amp.

What song will they play at your funeral?
Brown eyes - destinys child
ay answeet. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

How does the world see you?
Under 21 - save ferris
REALLY????? (kapal ko natuwa talaga ako hahahaa.)

Will you have a happy life?
Enth E ND - linkin park feat motion man
in the end? ah talaga? ayus yun

What do your friends really think of you?
Spin - Lifehouse
ah. like a tazmanian devil?

Do people secretly lust after you?
Love fantasy - mighty fire
ANG GALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNGGGG!!!!

How can I make myself happy?
So young - the corrs
ah. the innocence the inocence.

What should you do with your life?
Here in my room - incubus
and stay like a couch potato. lazy moron.

Will you ever have children? (though i already have one)
Wherever you go - voices of theory
patay ako kay che nito.

tagging everyone interested. tangina masaya to. hahahaha

twisting the twisted

so i have to kiss you like it was just a kiss.
blame the blue pill, cuss the alcohol.
like the nights a mirror ball of surrealism.
then the jealous sky brightens a lil soon.
when we pretend we're sober, everythings vague.
we laugh, we talk, then we make a dmc bracelet.
like it was nothing.
nothing else but a futile nothingness.
switch off imaginary feelings.
like sniffing mayonnaise is never existent.
then you suddenly talk about feelings.
remind me youre sober.
remind me that i believe it.
i agree to your truth.
your selective honesty.
no, you dont need to remind me that.
i sigh.
i nod.
you pretend you think.
and i doubt you just act it out.
we say "its complicated"
we agree its just nothing.
it was only a kiss.
it was only a kiss.
but i am never mr. brightside.

you say im special.
effortlessly
stupidly
i believed
but i beg for you to believe
that i feel the same way
vulnerable and doubtless
my insides jump for joy
like it was true
and i pretend i believe it
i pretend that i pretend
you tell promises
effortlessly
stupidly
i believed

then i let you kiss me
then i kiss you back
its only a kiss
and a carousel of pretentions.

a carousel i enjoy riding
until i puke out my insides
that were jumping for joy.

**********

at para sa twisted halo...

ang dalawang cd na nalikha ninyo ay mas higit pa sa marapat na masundan. at dahil man sa kung anumang klase ng pagkakataon.... kinailangan mang maghiwalay...

ang mga awit nyo ay patuloy ko pa ring maririnig. salamat sa lahat.

3rd bluesky.

yeah twas really a busy night. fun but there are uh... some things that were unexpected.

i still cant sleep about it. im sad that im so paranoid when things go wrong. im so upset that i cant put with me being a perfectionist. i badly want to talk to just to clarify some things. i dunno. im really really freakinly crazy.

thank god for , , and can back me up. they know how much i try to do all of these stuff with all my might. im just so sad that some people gets so disappointed after all of my best were squeezed off me. and yes, its clear that it wasnt enough.

pics in my multiply soon. waiting for cecil to send me all the pics. luv ya guys. :)

but all in all... its kinda ok.

b-sides.

friends do come and go. the least that we could do is try to be a friend... by its own definition. we do realize that there will be people passing by us, all with different issues, different characters, different philosophies, different choices, different perspectives, but with two common wishes,

to be accepted and to be understood.

we dont have enough time for judgments. whos right or wrong. whats right and wrong. morals may be an issue but norms created by the society should not cloud our minds, making us point out the good and bad in each and everyone of us. this lifetime is really short. really really short.

we did not live for anything else but to be happy. and being happy doesnt take us to step on someone's foot just to raise ourselves that we are better. the righteous.

being happy is when you make someone happy as well. paying it forward makes it a good place to live in.

lets listen to b-sides. theres always the other side of the coin. lets not be afraid to know ourselves by knowing others. and yes... some people may have hearing problems... but really, dont you want somebody, even one, to just simply understand your very own version of the justification of your action? lame or not?

lets just listen, laugh and love. work's there, unstoppable circumstances, and the least that we could do is be there for each other. no matter who. no matter what. no matter how.

i love my friends. without any self-intention. whole-heartedly and with pure sincerity.

people who mess with my friends... will have to DEAL with me. BIG TIME.

xmen 3.

i say i give it a 9.

a 9.5 perhaps.

MY GOD ITS SOOOOOOOO GOOD. i cried twice.

when jean grey killed prof xavier... with magneto's look in the face trying to stop her... and when wolverine killed her at the ending to stop the chaos.

twas the dark phoienix saga combined with astonishing xmen issue number 1 by whedon. jsdbcfsajdfhsjadfhlksdhsdafjh FUCK ITS SO GOOD.

the idea of getting the cure from LEECH is a genius. they never had that reason sa comics. basta nakagawa lang ng cure but it all made sense when they got it out of leech (since his power is when a mutant comes near him.. their mutant cells supress, making them human and vulnerable within his range.)

effects were good. fight scenes were good. shit shit shit. its sooooo good.

i was waiting for jean and storm to fight. bitin ako sa laban ni pyro and iceman. but damn i loveeeeee kitty pride.

then met with and and had coffee. miss u guys. :D

AND WHEN I SAW THE SUPERMAN TRAILER, I WAS TEARY EYED AND HAD GOOSEBUMPS!!! I DIDNT KNOW KEVIN SPACEY (MY EVER EVER IDOL) PLAYED LEX LUTHOR. JDAFHLASJDFHLAKSDJFHLJAKSDFHLAKSDJFHLJAKSDFH

LOST S02E22

[spoiler start]the 22nd episode showed the lost 13 days when michael went off their camp to look for walt. he was held captive by "the others" then. alex (russo's daughter), talked to michael about claire's baby, was also there when jack, sawyer, and locke looked for mike, was confronted by one of "the others", showing kate as their captive as well. the next morning, mike was brought to "the others"' camp and had some blood sample taken. "ms. klu", one of the others, asked questions about walt's ability to make him "appear" himself in a place where he wants to appear. that explains when shannon sees walt. theory: since shannon is taking care of vincent, maybe walt's just trying to check vincent even he's in the others' camp. 3 days before michael returned to their camp, they made him talk to walt for 3 minutes and walt said that "they're just pretending" to be who they are and they made him take some tests. made a deal that he has to free "henry gale" and bring kate, sawyer, jack and hurley in replacement of walt's and mike's freedom.

in the hatch, mr ecko's the one assigned pushing the button. they have to put the code when the alarm sounds right? and thats every last 4 minutes of the 108. his cross was like attracted to a magnet when the alarm sounded. so its really electromagnetism. checkout http://www.oceanicflight815.com and see that there's this pseudo website about alvar hanzo talking about electromagnetism and a better place to live in.

back at the camp, ana lucia and libby's burial, yeah nakakaiyak. sawyer even opened up to jack that she's the closest thing than a friend to him. michael just made them believe that they only need 5 people to go back to where walt is. sayid wanted to come but mike talked him over it but sayid noticed mike's behavior then told jack about it. during the burial...

a sailboat appears... towards their shore.[spoiler end]

has anyone browsed through the LOST website? there was this hidden link linking to the hanso foundation site and i was there for 3 hours deciphering hidden things regarding strains, cancers, and the likes. very VEEEEEEERRRYYY amusing AND interesting. hafta skeep though. geez its already 630am. mamaya ko na ipopost. :D

narci.

yeah i cut it myself. lucky ears. :D

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WELCOME TO LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAMU!!!

random #4

i slept at around uh... i dont even remember. woke up at around 4am.

shit i just shut down. cool.

friendster said that both my email addresses were invalid. and when i asked a friend to search for me.. says "database query failed".

sana topak lang pero it made me wonder... sa dinami dami ng pinaghirapan mo sa friendster, magipon ng kaibigan, maghanap ng kakilala, magtayo ng imahe, gumawa ng background, magcamwhore hanggang makuha ang tamang profile, maghanap ng magandang favorite song dahil marami kang "favorite", maiyak sa testimonials na hindi templated...

kaya lang nilang idelete yun noh. dalawang pindutan lang.

**********

bat di ko madelete yung mga episodes ng lost, smallville, desperate housewives, one tree hill sa pc ko. pati crazy/beautiful, mallrats, empire records, high fidelity, trainspotting, almost famous kahit di ko naman pinapanood uli? wala nakong space sa hard drive.. gusto ko yung evangelion eh 9 gig ang kailangan.

tangina maghahanap na naman ako ng pirata. wala naman akong dvd writer para iburn. pag normal na vcd lang nawawalan naman ako ng gana. pakshet anlabo ko.

ah basta bibili na lang ako ng boxset at papahanap na lang ako sa kung saan mang lupalop may pirata. lahat naman ng kanto ng maynila meron nun e kaso alam ko mahirap hanapin yung movies na gusto ko.

**********

gusto ko talaga nung motorazor na phone. since nagbabad sa kanal ang 6230 ko at di na sha mabubuhay kailanman, akoy balik 3210.

cool. i missed u snake.

**********

lahat dati excited sa da vinci code. pero hanggang ngayon, isa pa lang sa lahat ng kaibigan ko nakakanood. si . may spoiler pa nga e. eh nabasa ko na yung libro so whats to spoil hehehee. but ive seen bad reviews. mahirap talagang pantayan ang libro.

**********

sabaw na naman ako kagabi. at sa kasabawan din ni josh, para shang tamagotching bumagsak. ako naman nakapagsulat ng tatlong kanta. well... tula pa lang kasi di ko pa nalalagay yung melody pero may chords nako. tutugtog na uli kami sa june. wala akong pakialam kung baduy kami, basta gusto kong tumugtog. habang sumsulat ako, nakatingin lang kami ni marvin sa kanya habang umaagos ang strawberry koolaid na natabig sa kanya papunta sa pantalon habang suot ang akong krusty the clown cap na nagmistulang good morning towel ng mga driver dahil lahat ata meron nun. hindi ko na sha sinusuot ngayon kasi nakakaasar.

sabaw pa rin ata ako ngayon.

**********

gusto ko ng tuna and apple in wheatbread. no mayo. tapos avocado juice. at magpagupit.

scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrreeeeeeeed

just woke up and I HAVE TO POST this dream i had . i woke up hugging my pillow, sitting at the corner of my bed.

it all started in a jeepney ride (and there are 6 of us.. no mentioning of names) then, friend number 1 borrowed my ipod and she was about to pay the fare but i insisted. i gave the driver a 500peso bill and waited for my change. we have reached the last stop and still, i was waiting for it. the driver was talking to someone and when i approached him "ma, yung sukli ko po"... he said, "pasensha ka na pero sa susunod ko na lang iaabot sayo"... and i wondered... how the hell would he do that e di ko sha kilala... then he ran away.. just around 20 feet, he stabbed a gas tank in a motorcycle using a screwdriver, imagine a fountain-like splurt of gas, bathed himself with it, then HE FRIGGIN LIGHTED it. HE BURNED HIMSELF IN FRONT OF ME.

my friends tugged me like it was nothing then rain fell soo hard we have to stay inside a tapsilugan near our place. i stepped outside a door and saw that it was already flooding.. "stranded na tayo rito" my friend said. (then theres some vague parts) and a man entered... in red... he grabbed me on my neck and said i have to give him my money.. and i said i had no phone (and i think i had 1500 in my pocket, 1000 na lang pala since kinuha nung driver) and i was so sick worried he might get my ipod. i was shouting but everybody was in slo-mo and seemed nobody was hearing me. i sorta thought there that i was hypnotized or sumn. my money clip fell (with a single thousand buck clipped) then he scurried away. i was about to cry in shock when friend number 1 gave me back my ipod saying that i left it in her bag. (vague part again)

venue: school and there's this girl bully who sported the hair that i wanted (like that travis brit mohawk) and we were really trying to bleed out each other.. which is weird coz i dunno how weve done that... then there's this uh.. stairs when she just ran away like she was scared of somebody, and when i looked back, theres this pretty girl coming towards us. she introduced me to the girl then she rode her car... (we stared at her wondering.. why the fuck is she so scared). i smiled at this new girl and introduced my self..

"hi im xavier" *offered my hand*..
"hi im asant" *shaking my hand*. i didnt hear her name at first then i asked her again.. she said "ASANT".
i said "cool. what does that mean?"
"its satan, jumbled all the letters"
"oh cool. (trying to make a small talk like i always do).. i think hes just always... misinterpreted" (and i acted sooooooooo cool that twas really cool. sa dreams lang ha.)

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SAY THAT?

then the flood subsided but twas really traffic so we just decided to take a walk, we had some talks then her sandal snapped off, and i said "buhatin na alng kita", which i did, (so buhat ko sya hanggang dun sa part na walang tubig) and i stayed in their house then suddenly all the familiar faces were there. not just ordinary familiar faces.

asant's grandma called me coz somebody was calling me outside their house pa raw. then i saw blue 10-foot boulder size egg shakers rolling... then it pushed me into an alley then i saw my friends there. ronald (who died of cancer), clark (who was shot last month), and raul (my grade 5 bestfriend who allegedly died of leukemia). i just stood there, my heart beating so fast staring at them. i ran inside asant's house, trying to run upstairs shouting "berryl.. shane???" then berryl and shane (my childhood friends that i last saw uh.. 12-15 years ago) asked them if they had a spare sando and short coz i went outside the house without a short on. so i was naked, (ew, right) just covering my.. uh... with my hands and WORRYING NOT ABOUT BEING NAKED IN PUBLIC but worrying on how my back skin looks like. tangina. so shane gave me a blue checkered boxer shorts (which i really own in real life) then went outside again, to stare at raul. (kasi di ako makapaniwalang kaharap ko sila that time)

then clark approached me, giving me porn cds. lol

"ui okay tong porn mo ah... parang andaming tracks"
"oo nga.. nakuha ko dun sa store sa greenhills"
"di ba illegal yun? nakapamili ka?"
"hindi... sinabi ko lang gusto ko tapos inabot na yan"

*wakes up*

looking at che using my pc... and she said she was trying to wake me up since 10 in the morning and it was already 3pm when i went off my bed.

u interpret it. coz im sure im so goddamn scared.

commercial.

got from dea

taena i love the picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3
(kahit anlaki ng pisngi ko *sigh*)

damn straight.

went to sheldon's dinner party at cafe metro. sad coz all the pics were blurry. there must be sumn wrong with my cam lens. tangina sayang yung pics.

anyway i had fun with everybody. the cake was too good but i was late to enjoy it. woke up at around 620pm.. and the dinner's at 7. after the gig, they decided to sign some cds and I was the one who tried controlling the crowd. insane i tell ya. dahil ayaw nilang umurong and i dunno who the fuck was screaming like a dog with broken hind legs.. i got a chair, then shouted na mas masaya pag umurong tayong lahat kesa naghihirap tayo sa pagkuha ng pics. goodness. natarayan pako ng isa dun. putsa anlabo.

anyway... i was browsing sa PEx and i saw this shit.. twas so funny.



britney : i almost let my baby fell off me because of the 2 of u!


Michael Jackson: Britney, thats not the way how to kill your baby. Try this, its effective!



hahahahaha. made my day.

doot doot doot di doo doot doot...

had a bad week, aside from the fact that i have NO PHONE as of this moment coz of stupidity and caloy (yung pangalan ng bagyo.... bat ba lalaki na yung name, ang weird?! sabagay... di mo nga rin alam kung lalake ba talaga ang lalake ngayon hahahaha.... and pretty obvious with the past four entries.. or three... twas the V talking lol), seeing Elliott Yamin voted out turned the week to dust. i liked mcphee, yes, BUT, we all know elliott's a lot better. taylor's too uh... clooney for me. but hes okay. as long as its not mchpee puhleeezz. oh yeah i liked katherine mcphee before but she had some weird pitchy songs and she sometimes lacks emotion just to make a song sound her own style. yeah jasmine trias i wasnt talking about you.

**********

but theres always a rainbow after the rain. (tangina. segue ba to????)

though... my rainbow's in a form of a lot of friends. :)

last thursday.. (or was it wednesday... shit memory loss).. went to GH to see erika. seemed like i shopped somewhere there coz i got home a bag of goodies. she gave me an ipod remote (which i find really really useful and cute and i was really really overwhelmed when she gave me this.. sobra), the ONE band (fight against poverty thing... see that white thing on my wrist.. yeah thats it), and bora stuff. like bracelet and a necklace. unfortunately i was so late and she had to go soon. but we had this ym chat that really made my night. raffy. *dies*

fun friday.



twas robinsons place's 3-day sale and we were supposed to watch da vinci code but instead... we saw UpDharmaDown performing. had gabby enjoy her regular playbox day then bought her PPG school shoes (since she has been so eager and excited to buy her school stuff). there was no time for us to watch coz i had to go to Sugarfree's listers night. two thumbs up to for a very succesful EB. we had free beer and a pin button. and they also gave away some posters. friends like leigh, juana, , and tin were also there. twas really fun seeing sugarfree again singing all the songs requested by the listers. i am such a fan of ebe. hanggang ngayon sobra. kaso nahihiya nako lumapit sa kanya hehe.

mamu gave me 6 cds like yellowcard, corrine bailey rae, gorillaz (demon days), placebo, kyla and the new slapshock cd. gave me chocolates. dea soooooooobrang sarap. meron pa ba? lol bonded with , , and mamu. hilera played, champ and roll dropped by, had some camwhoring and talked to james, offering branded shirts to be given away sa bluesky production hooray. dami na namaing sponsors ansaya na lalo nito.

so there REALLY is a bluseky waiting tomorrow huh.

oh and its a special day for our very own... jose angelo gellada. surprise dinner at 6. (hindi nya naman mababasa to e lol)


happy birthday SHELDON!!!

as a gift... i will be getting a sun number again so we can bug each other in the middle our sleeps talking about just uh-huhs and eh's. im still ur doctor love and THE secret keeper. happy birthday bro.

2 identical letters and a vowel.

i can vaguely remember that i know i was existing when i was 3 years old. that was the time when you pinched me on my side when i was playing around my kindergarten school, waiting for my graduation picture to be taken. cant hang it on the wall coz my eyes were all swollen coz i cried so hard that day.

we always had our fights. i tried committing suicide because of you. and you know that. remember my baygon and fanta green apple mix? 10 seconds and bam! blackout. woke up with blinding lights welcoming me back to lifeville. as early as 12 years old, i can feel that you hated me and i dont know why. you have never been proud. i passed my acceleration exams, became second honor but you always wanted me to be the first.i have never ever got the expectations you wanted. i was so envious of the kids coz they seem to be okay. they werent pressured. you know that i never failed any subjects or got a line of 7 but you wanted me to be 84 and above. and that time... i asked, why would you want to complicate things for me if you love me?

you always take his side. one commanding statement, and there you go yelling at me. you have never ever heard a single problem that came out of my mouth. coz itll always be the same answer. that i was the wrong one. but you, you said before that i was your problem. my existence was. but not until i was 20.

when i was really sick... you went to my room, and asked me... if you have raised me right. i said no. coz i never felt that kind of warmth when i was a kid.

but now, i guess its time that i have to say sorry. coz i was too ignorant of all the sacrifices that you made just for me. you were the one that took all the blame when dad got really mad when he lost 5thousand bucks and you know i was the one who took it. you were the one who got really wet when i got stranded in my school just to bring umbrella and see that i was safe. you were the one who cooked all of my meals and yes, you always ask me what would i want for dinner. you were the one who washes and irons my clothes so i could be the tidiest student of all. you were the one that invited all of my ninang and ninong just to celebrate my best in attendance award. you were the one who kissed me when i had a gash on my knee.

you were the one who tried to make me feel loved. and i was the one who just dwelled about being depressive and being rebellious... and you were still there.

you were the proudest one. and i cant believe i needed age to understand all of it. that you just wanted me to be the brightest, the cleanest, the most loving kid, a mom could ever have. but i never gave you that. and now, i know that you have done everything just for me to be a better person by now.

thanks for being there. no matter what. thanks for understanding me. no matter what. thanks for loving me. no matter what.

i love you, ma. thank god you were my mom.

minsan minsanan lang part 2

minsan dumating ka sa puntong nangako ka na ayaw mong magkaroon pa ng dagdag na kaibigan dahil ilang beses ka nang nilaglag. pero minsan darating ka sa lugar na di mo inaasahang nasa kaluluwa mo na ang maging pala-kaibigan kaya kinakalimutan mo na ang pangako mo sa sarili mo.

pero hindi ka lang naman minsan nilalaglag e. palagi. yung mga dati ko pa ring kaibigan ang napatunayan kong hindi nagiiwan sa ere. pero minsan may mga tao kang makikilala na pagkatapos nilang mapalapit sa yo, may intensyon din palang mapalapit sila sa malapit sa yo. minsan ayaw mong isipin na ginagamit ka. sino ka ba naman para gamitin di ba? hindi ka naman makapangyarihang tao. hindi ka naman sikat. pero malalaman mo na lang na ginamit ka lang para sa kapakanan nilang ma-validate ang sarili nilang saya. pagkatapos kang mapakinabangan, aba putang ina... hindi ka na naaalala. bat ka nga naman kasi aalalahanin pa e hindi ka naman kawalan. kasi nagamit ka na e.

minsan nakakahiya ang ginagawa ko sa sarili ko. para lang matawa lahat. magpapatawa ka kahit pagpawisan ka, magharot ka, malait ka.. para lang sa kanila. nakakatawa noh. binbigyan ko ng kahihiyan ang sarili ko sa katutuwaan ng iba, at yun ay para sa mga taong itinuring kong kaibigan. pinagkatiwalaan, binigyan ng sikreto, mga bagay na dapat kayo lang ang makakaalam, tsismis, problema. pero putang ina ilalaglag ka lang.

oo putang ina nyo. kilala nyo sarili nyo. buti na lang wala nakong cellphone at nasira na ng tuluyan dahil sa putanginang ulan na yan. at sa putanginang katangahan ko. pero minsan... ang mga bagay na putang ina ang makakapagbigay sa yo ng pasya na maraming importanteng bagay ang dapat pinagtutuunan ng pansin. ang mga taong hindi kailanman nagpaka-putang ina sa yo.

ambobo ko bat ko pa kayo pinili. e di sana nabubuhay ako ng maayos ngayon. e di sana naglalaro lang ako ng pacman iimbis na isipin ang lahat ng katrayduran na pilit kong isinantabi dahil nagtiwala nga ako.

malas nyo lang di ako tanga. sabihin nyo mang hindi nyo sinasadya ang mga bagay na pinaggagagawa nyo, minsan dapat nyong malaman na nakakabwisit ang mga taong gaya nyo.

minsan-minsanan lang naman

bakit minsan... pakiramdam ng isang tao walang kakampi? minsan hindi umaayon ang araw mo sa mga gusto mong mangyari? minsan may mga taong ayaw mong makita pero pag nakita mo iba pa rin yung nararamdaman mo. hindi inis. hindi rin tuwa. magulo. hindi maipaliwanag.

minsan nagagalit ka kasi sobrang init. minsan nagagalit ka kasi anlakas ng ulan. pag nagkakaroon naman ng tamang hapon o umaga... hindi mo naman napapansin. hindi ka nga galit pero nalilimutan mong matuwa. minsan gusto mong makuntento. gusto mong ngumiti. pero hindi naman umaayon sa sitwasyon sa pagkakataong yun. minsan mapapagisip ka kung meron bang napagusapan ang ibang tao tungkol sa yo. minsan natutuwa sila kasi kasama ka, minsan naman biglang malamig. minsan iniisip mo may nagawa kang mali. pero minsan gusto mo namang kampihan ang sarili mo kasi ikaw naman yung naiiwan. maiiwan ka na nga ng lahat, iiwanan mo pa sarili mo. ano ka tungeks?

minsan kung kelan ka walang ginagawa, mas marami kang nagawang kasalanan. ibig sabihin, meron ka talagang nagawa. eh alam mo namang wala. minsan maiisip mo manhid ka lang. o sobrang sensitibo. minsan nahihirapan ka ng ngumiti. magisip na lumayo kasi mas naiiwan mo na yung mga taong dapat kasama mo. pag ginawa mo naman yun, minsan maiisip nilang tawagan ka o makita ka, o minsan pa-importante ka naman.

minsan lang dumating yung mga totoong tao. minsan sila pa yung laging wala. hindi dahil pinili nilang wala. yun ay minsan hindi lang umaayon yung araw sa yo. minsan gusto mo silang iyakan, pero dahil minsan mo lang silang makasama, mas pipillin mo na lang na tumawa kasama sila. tapos habang tumatawa sila, nakangiti ka lang tapos nagmamasid. minsan mararamdaman mo yung may tumama sa dibdib mo pero hindi mo alam kung masaya ka dahil yun yung mga bagay na gusto mong nangyayari pero minsan mabigat lang ang loob dahil ilang oras lang magkakahiwalay na kayo. kaya minsan ayaw mo na nga lang magpakita. kasi umiikot lang naman yun e.

sabi ng iba mas ayos daw kung sa iba mo na lang binibigay ang atensyon mo. sa ibang bagay, sa ibang tao. pero minsan mas pipillin mong maghintay sa wala, masaktan, kaysa magkunwari na masaya ka sa ilang sandali lang. maiinip ka rin naman.

minsan napapagod ka ng magsimula uli ng paguusapan. para may matawa. para may interesanteng bagay. pero kesa naman sa umasa kang may magsisimula, bat nga naman hindi na lang ikaw. pero minsan, wala talaga silang interes kahit magsimula ka na e. di ba mas masakit yun.

sige na nga sisisihin ko na lang yung lamig ng ulan. kahit minsan, masakit talaga para sa sarili ang dalhin ang mga ganung klaseng bigat. kasi minsan, gusto mo lang naman magpakatotoo. gusto mo lang mabuhay. gusto mo lang magkasaysay.

gusto mo lang mabuhay. ng normal.

dumb phone chat

searching for some stuff... and found dracula in wiki.

me: hey i thought dracula's real... it says here that they had some historical connections but it was just inspired...
friend: yeah hes real. from vlad the impaler,, or sumn...
me: vlad dracul?
friend: yeah son of the dragon..
me: dragon??
friend: yeah. inspired with the order of the dragon.. and uh... dragons were believed as the devil.
me: hey i thought dragons were nice..
friend: yeah. in china.

O_o

friend: san ba yung kazakhstan?
me: uh... what the fuck is that?
friend: seriously.. u havent heard of kazakhstan before?
me: well.. kinda... i think its in russia or sumthing
friend: oh yeah.. it borders china and russia.. in a way...
me: CHINA AND RUSSIA ARE NEAR EACH OTHER????
friend: uh... whats with the surprised tone? where would you think russia is?
me: uh... antarctica?
friend: wha??? seriously?
me: yeah. wheres siberia? di ba sa russia? they had a siberian tiger there, which is white, same color as the polar bear.
friend: ... you fuckin serious? u think that explains russia's snow? antarctica?
me: uh...

o_O

me: how can you relate antarctica with brazil???
friend: coz its both below the equator.
me: my god. there are a lot of things below the equator. you cant relate antarctica with brazil!!! antarctica doesnt even have soybeans.
friend: jesus. i just mentioned it coz its both in the south. relative. arctica is...
me: arctica? hahahaha. theres no such THING as arctica.
friend: duh. its the north pole you idiot.
me: *searches in wiki* Arctica was an ancient continent which formed approximately 2.5 billion years ago...
friend: oh... i think ive just heard of it somewhere...
me: yeah. near your cave.

MTRCB decides if we will go to hell or not

it has been a month and the media hasnt let go of the news that the church doesnt want to show da vinci code here. they asked malacañang, mtrcb and sino pa ba ang dapat hingan ng opinyon kung ipapalabas yun.

yeah yeah i get it. we are a catholic country. but the fact that they had the book sold here and now causing an uproar coz of the movie is just making the public more curious about it. sabi nila... sakit daw ng mga pinoy ang maniwala agad. hanggang kailan ba nila iisipin na bobo ang mga pinoy at hindi marunong mag-isip? una R-18 daw kaya limited ang pagpapalabasan. i mean fine. isipin nilang madaling maniwala ang mga kabataan at mahina ang pundasyon ng paniniwala nila. nalinis ba nila ang buong quiapo/recto/cubao/maynila para hindi tayo makakuha ng pirated dvd ng pelikulang yon? ngayon gusto na nilang i-ban ng tuluyan. same thing. mapapanood pa rin natin yan kahit anong mangyari. malulugi lang yung kumpanya na nagproduce ng movie, deprived pa ang mga tao na magkaroon ng satisfaction regarding their curiosity with the help of a big screen.

how would you fight and defend a belief that has a lot of secrets and doesnt give you a chance to find an answer regarding your what-ifs? if everything is entirely true... why be scared?

“The MTRCB is there to protect the welfare of the Filipino people, especially in terms of morals” - wow. morals. gaano kasarap sabihin ito ng isang tao na isa kang protektor ng moralidad. hindi ako mahilig sa pulitika. pero kahit kailan, walang pulitko ang nakakuha ng loob ko at isiping... oo malinis yan.. walang nagawang masama. MTRCB pa yung nainvolve. isang malaking kaletsehan.

tatapusin ko ito sa isang NAKAKATAWANG bagay mula sa chairman ng MTRCB... "the board only approved the trailer of the movie because it saw nothing obscene or blasphemous in the movie's sneak preview"

patawa. nagpalabas ng trailer mula sa isang pelikulang ibaban pala eventually. tangina make up your mind.

my one and only gabby.

i do complain about my lack of sleep, doing chores, cooking for 50 people, budgeting things, pre-ordering some stuff, and a lot more. it's gabby's birthday. monday pa lang, magkaaway na kami ni che dahil hindi nya ako tulungang magdesisyon. ayoko sa lahat yung planong nababago. tatanungin ka ng mga bagay tapos kokontrahin ka lang kasi ganyan, ganito. i mean... bat hindi pa lang sa umpisa, sabihin nya na kung ano rin ang naiisip nya para hindi lang AKO AKO AKO. sa lahat ng bagay AKO. i hate making decisions without any help. if i was the typical "dad", i would be bossing around, assigning people, pero hindi e, gusto ko at kailangan ko ang opinyon nya. maysakit pako.

so the party started at around 7pm. the moment, everybody was singing happy birthday, gabby in her pink birthday gown, was staring at us, smiling so big, and made me see that she was the happiest kid. making everybody see that its her day. all my complaints, my tiredness, stress... were all gone. my heart melted. she blew her candle and i asked what she wished for. when i gave her my gift, she got her wish. :)

i also got mine. to make my kid be the happiest person on earth that day. i love you gabby. you should know someday that you are my only thing.



that smile was when everybody was singing her happy birthday. priceless.

ang friendster. / at isa pang bagay.

sabi nga ni ivan... ang friendster ay parang quiapo. oo nga. naisip ko... hindi ako madalas magpunta ng quiapo. kasi takot ako dun. eh bakit um-oo ako nung sinabi ni ivan na ganun ang friendster? eh di dapat takot din ako sa friendster.

andaming tao.
ambagal.
maraming peke.
bumabaha. = flooders sa bulletin board.
maraming manggagantso.
away dito, away doon.
tsismis.
agawan.

natural na sa akin yung di mag-add pag di ko kilala. kaya pag nagchecheck ako uli... bakit may mga nasa friends list ko na di ko kilala?? imposible namang aprubahan ko yun. pero nandun e.

yung iba parang giordanong peke. kahit bench na peke meron din. plastik. maraming maraming plastik.

pero gusto ko yung friendster. kasi andun yung mga bagay na di mo inaasahang makikita mo. para ngang quiapo.

sa quiapo kaya ako nakakita ng crazy/beautiful na dvd. yun yung araw na nangangatog ako dun sa taong grasa kasi nabuhay daw sya dati tapos alam nya kung ano at sino tayo dati. sinigawan nya nga yung babae na telepono pala yun dati e. ang galing nung taong grasa. biruin mo... telepono lang pala yung babae dati. tangina astig. telepono.

pano kaya yun? ibig bang sabihin... lagi syang "busy"? kasi dati wala namang call waiting e. nakakahiya naman kung payphone sha. kasi ibig sabihin... ginagamit lang sya ng tatlong minuto sa halagang limang piso. ng kung sinu sino ha.

paano mo ba mapapaniwalaan ang isang taong grasa? yung mga may friendster nga nakakaduda, sila pa kayang wala.

**********
galing kay

xavier's lame-ass excuse to break up: "I'm sorry I just sobered up" 'What is your lame-ass excuse to break up?' at QuizGalaxy.com

wow. this quiz is like dr phil. but.. one thing though... i never thought it was lame.

can i just rant first?

okay. my cyberlife temporarily ended last saturday. my internet bill was due and i forgot to pay it since they always send the notice late. i got it saturday morning. but then i checked my email and they also sent me a reminder notice that i have a total of 974.00 to pay. banks are closed during weekends so its given that i should wait for monday. i can only settle my payment in any banco de oro branches so i went to sm manila coz thats the nearest branch. then i went home, had to fax the deposit slip, call the customer service hotline, stay on hold for 30 minutes, to get the friggin activation code.

(hold)
me: *presses the mute button* PUTANG INAAAAAAAAAAA ANTAGAL!!!!
operator: hi sir thank you for holding.. we already received the copy of your deposit slip, but as ive checked your account, you're a subscriber for 9 months now and you have settled us a total of *blah blah blah*.. but you should have a *blah blah blah*... and...
me: *interrupts* wait wait wait... er... im confused.. what are you talking about? im just asking for my activation code
operator: ah okay sir. can u please stay on the line for a few minutes
me: *silently annoyed wanting to scream GO CHECK IT MY GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD*
operator: ...sir?..
me: few minutes? ok. miss pakibilisan kasi masakit na tenga ko
(after an episode of pinoy big brother... without any exaggeration kasi sa piling mo pa lang yung palabas nung 2nd hold ko na pinacheck ko pa kay che yung line kung connected pako)
operator: hello sir are you still there?
me: *taka* i think i was about to ask you that question
operator: yes sir.. im afraid you havent settled an amount of 451.07 yet.
me: whaddaya mean? where did that come from? i pay you every month and pag hindi nakakabayad di ba napuputol yung connection?
operator: yes sir but this is system generated.
me: ... miss?... i didnt.. get what your talking about.
operator: yung activation code po system generated.
me: ........ okay... so... uh... um... di ko pa rin gets.
operator: you havent settled your account yet sir.. amounting 451.07
me: yung nga yung point ko.. san galing yun? never akong nagkulang ng bayad and laging 988 ang bill ko.
operator: oh okay sir.. can i please put you on hold for...
me: NO! im not gonna hold! im gonna listen to each button you press on your keyboard, your questions with your seatmate or your superior or whoever's there, but im not gonna be put on hold!
operator: hindi ho pwede sir. kailangan kong i-hold kasi madedead air ako.
me: *WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCK* sige sige pakibilisan parang awa!
(after 15 minutes)
operator: sir... may kulang pa talaga kayo..
me: miss... ganito lang ang point ko ha... i really dont care about the 451.07 pesos na sinasabi mo pero yung abala ng pagbayad ko ang inaalala ko. kung meron pakong kulang... bakit wala sa bill ko?
operator: sir chineck nyo na po ba ang bill nyo?
me: miss... i dont wanna put this on you pero di naman siguro ako tanga para umangal tapos di ko hawak ang bill ko ngayon. gusto mo basahin ko lahat ng nakasulat dito?
operator: hawak nyo lahat ng bill nyo from september?
me: *really REALLY IRATE!* ... *sighs* miss... wala pong problema sa mga bill ko the past couple of months. kasi dapat di ba nasa present bill ko ang kulang ko kung sakali? i have my january to may billing statement in front of me pero wala talaga.
operator: sir nandyan yan.
me: miss... MISS... ano name mo?
operator: ako po?
me: AY HINDE! SIGURO YUNG KATABI MO!
operator: im michelle sir.
me: MICHELLE... ilang oras nako rito sa telepono. naifax ko yung document na kailangan nyo. binayaran ko yung nakasulat sa bill ko. ayoko ng itanong kung saan nanggaling ang kulang na sinasabi mo. ayoko ng ma-hold ng ilang oras. gusto ko lang makuha ang activation code ko dahil.. uulitin ko... nabayaran ko na ang dapat kong bayaran. yung sinasabi mong 451.07 pesos eh wala rito sa bill ko at sa email ko.
operator: eto na po ang activation code nyo sir.. 0000*****67*9**
me: ....pakiulit?
operator: 0000*****67*9**
me: ...uh... okay... miss pwede nyo palang ibigay eh.. bat andaming tanong? tsaka san galing yung amount na sinasabi mo?
operator: sir call us back na lang. di ko rin maintindihan tong computer na nasa harap ko e.
me: *in great awe* uh... okay
operator: is there anything else i could help you with?
me: *hangs up* TANGINA LETSE!

i wanted to complain this girl... pero ayokong may mawalan ng trabaho dahil sakin. hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa ganitong tao dahil sakali mang "dapat syang matuto" i still feel guilty after doing a report. giving her the benefit of the doubt that she tried to settle whatever that needs to be settled. pero napataas nya ata presyon ko.

**********

anyway, im sick. uminom kami nina marvin after the gig sa may sm manila and napasama ata yung bagsak ng alkohol sakin. i threw up a lot of times and my throat's kinda painful by now. nilalagnat nako. bday pa naman ni gabby ngayon and maghahanda kami mamaya. family thing lang kasi ayoko sa mga bata rito.

wala na tuloy ako sa mood mag entry pa ng iba. dapat pala hindi muna ako nag-rant. nyeta.

yeah right.

a big thanks to for making this drawing. :D dapat don pinagkakakitaan mo na to. hehehehe.



im too tired and sleepy to tell the things that happened today. *yawns* mamaya na lang.

LOST S02E20

insane episode. insane.



okay so michael showed up without walt. jack thought "the others" let him go, kate disagrees. (we all know theres a catch right?) at the hatch, ana lucia tried to talk "henry" off his hunger strike, but it just ended her getting hurt by him.. telling her she killed two of their people, thank god locke saved her.

ana lucia's flashback. remember she killed this guy.. then her mom knew about it then she quit being a cop. she had a drink somewhere then she met jack's dad (after jack made his license revoked coz of being drunk while operating which ended up killing a patient), then they went to australia to be his bodyguard. back at the hatch, locke tried talking to henry and he found out that he had a mission. to get locke.

[19:48] ana lucia tried getting a gun from sawyer (and since we all know sawyer is a jerk, he just gave her sarcasm) had some rollin' fightin' and stuff... and they ended making out... er.. i think more than that. WTF. naunahan nya pa si kate. hahaha
[21:54] was that sawyer?? why is he everywhere? in some point of their flashback, sawyer had an appearance. hmm.
[24:23] since they made us see libby inside the psychos' cafeteria without hurley knowing it... the sweetness with him makes me freak out a lil. thats scary dude. not knowing ur object of attention has that weird catatonic state before.
[27:59] michale tells there's another hatch. and all the abducted kids were there. so that jungle were just a cover up. this island is just a big compund of hatches... uh i think.
[32:22] god jack... you bossing sawyer around... is getting into my nerves. why the fuck do you need to burn his reading material and you havent even asked him yet about the freakin guns. jerk.
[33:59] ah yeah. ana lucia just had sex with sawyer to get the gun. same old same old.
[34:58] OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. MICHAEL KILLED ANA LUCIA AND LIBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[42:00] michael opening the safe.. god god... OMFG... DID HE JUST SHOT HIMSELF??? WTF IS HAPPENING???
[end] this episode cant just end like this!!! aaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggghhhhhh.

the berserk bards artwork.

as far as i can recall, this was the artwork don has given me last ratsky event pa ng hale sa malate. that was way way back. handdrawn by , then i scanned it and added a lil color. so far... this has been my most prized artwork anyone has given me. sobrang inigatan ko to. don... thanks so much. :) everytime i look at it napapangiti ako. hehehe


an anime version of me. *loves*

last night, and i were talking about photoshop CS. marami raw cool features... so i got one. i have to do the hale graphic ad kasi to post online. mula paggising hanggang ngayon, hindi pa ako umaalis sa pc kakagawa ng kung anu ano. ginawan ko rin ang



sana mamaximize ko lahat ng features. pero at least user friendly pa rin sha hehehehe.

ad.

scanner happy.

ive heard that gabby and i had a lot in common when i was a kid. the only two things i know...




we both had our first puppy at 3.


we both wanted to play the piano.

then i learned a bit of the violin and the guitar. then gabby wanted to bang the drums.

just made me thinking...

masaya pala magscan ano? lol


and this picture was taken way back at freedom bar anonas. :D ene took this pic.


ron, diego mapa (monsterbot), miggy (chico science), aia (imago), me, kris (fatal posporos/eraserheads).


edited: 0125

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHE ALEJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



we love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

kaninang 8pm... magkasama kami ni che sa rob to order gabby's cake tapos naisipan kong tawagan si she kasi alam ko merong may birthday ngayon. so bago ko sha batiin...

me: hello? she!!!! birthday mo ba ngayon??
she: oo ngayon. hahahaha
me: ay. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

mas mabuti ng safe. iba na ang batian ngayon. lolz

new layout.

i was supposed to go with mamu and the rest sa pansol... well... at least everyones okay. gabby's okay. she just had a bad day i guess. since i cant sleep.. i made myself a new layout. *sigh*



check out and comment. (click the pic.)