i actually dont know what to write here in my lj. sometimes, im scared of typing things in here coz someone might read it. weirdly, this is my journal. so why the hell should i get scared.
ok. *breathes deeply* i kinda needed help in some way. so any comment wouldnt come unsolicited. i kinda noticed i have committment issues. its like im the kind of a person who doesnt want to be 24/7 with someone that i really care. is that bad? i just got used on the fact that sometimes... i really needed some time alone. i dont like when a person becomes too clingy. i dont know why it irritates me. on the other hand, i also get annoyed when that person makes me feel guilty about me feeling that. i know it hurts the other party in some way, but its not that i dont wanna be with someone i truly care. so the "i needed some space" crap is true indeed. when i want them to call me when i miss them, they dont do it. i really wonder why. its like i just dont really get the compromises we should consider. you dont call and ur an ass. you try to contact them and youre a bit ignored. what the hell is going on?
why do i always get this kind of problem? i once heard that you teach people how to treat you. or.. you get to choose the person you wanna be with so its always your own fault. but i dont really think i would choose to teach that to a person. i just hate it. really really hate it. on the other hand, as a saggitarian (or the normal dna of a male specie.. which is actually bad for me coz im definitely both), i am scared of committment. i dont think im ready to be WITH someone. sometimes... i just want to drop everything i have so i could start by my own. so by then, i could justify my choices. but of course, i dont wanna create a mistake im gonna regret for the rest of my life.
2nd issues. friends. i know that i have lots of them. the past 15 years of my life sucked when it comes to quantity. pero quality, mind you. so i always thank god for making me have lots of them now. but again, i dont know if some friends had this sentiment that i usually have. there may be times that i wont miss them but once i see them, its like .. yeah i missed them but i just didnt know. but i truly truly do. and some friends could easily forget you so when time pass by, they will have this kind of characteristic of getting cold and then just shrugs off my existence. im also thinking if i have the right to choose when to be nice. coz as far as i know, we should be nice all the time. but god it doesnt work. some really have boundary issues. or they basically dont care at all. plastikan nga kumbaga. pero putangina kahit sabihin ko sa sarili ko na kaya kong makipagplastikan, hindi talaga. coz i feel my nerves having this sensation like ants crawling all over me when i try to do it. pag di ka naman namansin suplado ka. and ive heard from some matapobre (which by the way, is going to die alone and sad) na wala kang karapatang hindi mamansin kung wala kang ipagmamalaki. i dont get the rules.
i miss my old self. when i get to be the ass who doesnt speak and doesnt care at all. just waiting for the day to end. doing things that i would love doing. not like this. thinking about things that annoy me. life would be a lot better with that attitude. and since ive got my old friends.. should i stop having new ones? but fuck. people are not like shirts. or overeating. they come. thing is... i dont like it when they go. or cling even.
1.29.2007
1.22.2007
random #87
i have been feverish on and off for the past 2 weeks. the weather has been weird weird weird. and i found a new hobby... laundrying. hehehehe. i dunno why but i find comfort in soap suds and fabric conditioners.
i brought the tv upstairs so i could play ps2 24/7 now. and watch dvd. and watch sana maulit muli (jkcfhlkjhdflkjghlkjfdhglkfjdhd hahahahahah sabi sa inyo adik nako).
may bagong burgr stand sa kanto namin. taena 20 pesos buy one take one. 16php ang cheeseburger with iced tea. at NEVER nawalan ng tao dahil andaming bumibili. nakita ko si josh at whey na andun so nacurious na rin ako. not bad but im really getting the vibes that its the patty's ot made out of pork or beef. ang timely naman kasi na maraming nawawalang bata rito.
speaking of... marami na talagang nawawalang kids. sabi ng mga unggoy rito sa cafe binibenta raw yung organs nila. ano naman mapapala nila sa 2yrold heart? ibibenta lang sa ihawan? mamatay na yang mga kumukuha ng bata. natatakot ako tapos naiiyak.
i brought the tv upstairs so i could play ps2 24/7 now. and watch dvd. and watch sana maulit muli (jkcfhlkjhdflkjghlkjfdhglkfjdhd hahahahahah sabi sa inyo adik nako).
may bagong burgr stand sa kanto namin. taena 20 pesos buy one take one. 16php ang cheeseburger with iced tea. at NEVER nawalan ng tao dahil andaming bumibili. nakita ko si josh at whey na andun so nacurious na rin ako. not bad but im really getting the vibes that its the patty's ot made out of pork or beef. ang timely naman kasi na maraming nawawalang bata rito.
speaking of... marami na talagang nawawalang kids. sabi ng mga unggoy rito sa cafe binibenta raw yung organs nila. ano naman mapapala nila sa 2yrold heart? ibibenta lang sa ihawan? mamatay na yang mga kumukuha ng bata. natatakot ako tapos naiiyak.
1.16.2007
buhay.
ive never been drunk like this for ages. since fiesta samin kahapon and we never intended na mageffort maghanda, pumunta na lang ako kina mama kasi dun sila naghanda. eat and run. ain it a cool thing to do. ^_^
then afterwards, abhie, ona and i went to tricia's house. twas like a mini-bar there. she's got absolut kurant, absolut vanilla, a 1.75-liter of cuervo, tequila rose, and a bowl of cherry. no excuse not to get boozed up. then che texted me so i went there at dun nako tuluyang nabasag. tapatan ng red horse at emperador, sira ang sistema. now my tonsils are all swollen and i got dehydrated. but again, the drink was all worth it. kahit may hangover, supposedly pupunta pakong MOA para bumili ng tequila rose. pero mukhang babagsak ako sa kalahati ng macapagal. jm got me kfc and two bottles of gatorade. <3 husband material. hahahaha. i still feel a bit dizzy though.
my mommy gwynne called up and nagagalit bat wala pa raw akong internet sa bahay. i said blame it all to smartbro and the taiwan quake. sabi ko mamatay na sinungaling.
ang init dito sa shop i swear.
-- oOo --
HOUSE M.D.
GREY'S ANATOMY
and the reason why i havent been moving like a human being and turned into a big sack of potato is this. HOUSE M.D. though people might see house as comparable to grey's anatomy.. it's not. house discusses more of medical cases and i think grey's anatomy is as close as the combination of sex and the city and house/ER (plainly... its because of the hospital thing). so making me choose over both series wont ever happen. house's intelligence and sarcasm makes it all worth watching. grey's on the other hand is for mcdreamy and mcsteamy. lol and when i start to utter that i want to be a doctor, i feel like im chanting for my dad's ghost just to tell me a big juicy "i told you so". i wanted to be in diagnostics. *sigh* and all i could have diagnostics with are legos and ref magnets.
has anyone seen smallville season 6? as much as i wanted to get started on it... i dont think i could handle watching it now and get hung up with the episodes then wait for a week. now being patient doesnt apply on me with series. i even regretted i started Lost. One Tree Hill and Desperate Housewives can be a little tolerable.
Message me just in case i started typing maging sino ka man and sana maulit muli here in this journal. tell me that i should get up and start to have a life in the outside world.
-- oOo --
and since i gave up on flyff (when the rollback happened and i lost my sta and dex guardian knuckle for no apparent reason), and me not having my own internet, makes me think on what website to visit. i checked on friendster, my email, lj a little bit, try to visit the yahoogroups but i cant really read things here in this place coz almost everybody cusses and disses each other coz of DOTA. the cafe is really getting scary especially if majority of the customers my age are gamers. thank god kakilala ko halos lahat but still, i cant manage to read and focus. all in all, it took me 30 minutes to look at the things that i have to. its like feeding myself virtually. my yahoo email got expired so i have to reactivate it, which affects my myspace and friendster, coz i have to re-validate. and then i caught myself staring on a blank web address and cant think of other websites to go to. sad.
then afterwards, abhie, ona and i went to tricia's house. twas like a mini-bar there. she's got absolut kurant, absolut vanilla, a 1.75-liter of cuervo, tequila rose, and a bowl of cherry. no excuse not to get boozed up. then che texted me so i went there at dun nako tuluyang nabasag. tapatan ng red horse at emperador, sira ang sistema. now my tonsils are all swollen and i got dehydrated. but again, the drink was all worth it. kahit may hangover, supposedly pupunta pakong MOA para bumili ng tequila rose. pero mukhang babagsak ako sa kalahati ng macapagal. jm got me kfc and two bottles of gatorade. <3 husband material. hahahaha. i still feel a bit dizzy though.
my mommy gwynne called up and nagagalit bat wala pa raw akong internet sa bahay. i said blame it all to smartbro and the taiwan quake. sabi ko mamatay na sinungaling.
ang init dito sa shop i swear.
HOUSE M.D.
GREY'S ANATOMY
and the reason why i havent been moving like a human being and turned into a big sack of potato is this. HOUSE M.D. though people might see house as comparable to grey's anatomy.. it's not. house discusses more of medical cases and i think grey's anatomy is as close as the combination of sex and the city and house/ER (plainly... its because of the hospital thing). so making me choose over both series wont ever happen. house's intelligence and sarcasm makes it all worth watching. grey's on the other hand is for mcdreamy and mcsteamy. lol and when i start to utter that i want to be a doctor, i feel like im chanting for my dad's ghost just to tell me a big juicy "i told you so". i wanted to be in diagnostics. *sigh* and all i could have diagnostics with are legos and ref magnets.
has anyone seen smallville season 6? as much as i wanted to get started on it... i dont think i could handle watching it now and get hung up with the episodes then wait for a week. now being patient doesnt apply on me with series. i even regretted i started Lost. One Tree Hill and Desperate Housewives can be a little tolerable.
Message me just in case i started typing maging sino ka man and sana maulit muli here in this journal. tell me that i should get up and start to have a life in the outside world.
and since i gave up on flyff (when the rollback happened and i lost my sta and dex guardian knuckle for no apparent reason), and me not having my own internet, makes me think on what website to visit. i checked on friendster, my email, lj a little bit, try to visit the yahoogroups but i cant really read things here in this place coz almost everybody cusses and disses each other coz of DOTA. the cafe is really getting scary especially if majority of the customers my age are gamers. thank god kakilala ko halos lahat but still, i cant manage to read and focus. all in all, it took me 30 minutes to look at the things that i have to. its like feeding myself virtually. my yahoo email got expired so i have to reactivate it, which affects my myspace and friendster, coz i have to re-validate. and then i caught myself staring on a blank web address and cant think of other websites to go to. sad.
1.12.2007
maaaaaaan
wow. it has been what... a month? my life is such a bore, even me typing it bores the hell out of me.
i dont wanna blame the taiwan quake but since dec19, we lost our connection here. pagod na rin ako kakacomplain. so all im doing is watching House MD and flame of recca reruns. and sex and the city but i guess i lost the last 3 seasons. or somebody borrowed it. i dunno.
hale's post xmas party. good news/bad news and everything. i missed all the peeps. dj liza and me hosted the event. masaya kaso kj nung iba e.
antok nako sobra. gusto ko lang magkalaman ang lj ko kahit paano.
and i agree to.. punyeta ngang iPhone yan!
i dont wanna blame the taiwan quake but since dec19, we lost our connection here. pagod na rin ako kakacomplain. so all im doing is watching House MD and flame of recca reruns. and sex and the city but i guess i lost the last 3 seasons. or somebody borrowed it. i dunno.
hale's post xmas party. good news/bad news and everything. i missed all the peeps. dj liza and me hosted the event. masaya kaso kj nung iba e.
antok nako sobra. gusto ko lang magkalaman ang lj ko kahit paano.
and i agree to
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