what the actual fuck!!!

 my upwork account is on hold.

the companies i applied for dont call me back.

the paypal games i had were scamming.

when will i get a fuckin break!!!!

i will love you forever dex gacad

 i have never been the same without you i will never be whole. i will forever feel horrible that i made mistakes and i lost you because of those. i love you so bad.

hello?

 does anyone read this blog? if so, please text me please. i need human connection. my dog farted ugh

this pandemic.//giving up?

 lately, i have been feeling really anxious about evrything especially my financial status. i have been trying to get a job and seemed like they lost interest on me like they dont call back or I'm left wondering if I got in or what. they seem to approve of me but why arent they calling back to tell when im going to start. thnk god for the help of some of my friends that i get by. but dude the online loans i have. i mean, they kept piling up coz i havent paid them  i mean how can i. i dont know where to get money. imagine that one night, i have to ride a cab just to go to banco de oro to withdraw but it was still on my paymaya so i have to transfer pa and then my phone died. imagine that i cant even pay the cab and have to run and ask for a hundred to a neighbor i barely know, (paid him the next day). i cant even say how rock bottom ive been. i have debt with trish, ivan, miss kaye, ruth, and god knows who pa but i am drowning. i am literally catchiing my breath everytime i think of it and receive a text from the threatening  online loan but im thankful im alive and well of course. its just that it was harder coz dex broke up with me again last july, and now is the perfect time that i needed someone by my side, then ryan and rae have this huge wall for me, roemart hates me, ivan and everyone hates me i know, i always have this lingering thought that everyone hates me, hence me being alone and anxious. this pandemic should end or it will just drive me crazy. birthday's coming up and i feel like a failure that no one wants. its just so hard to stand up again.