Oh Man.

Ive got my gabby pics on my phone and since i could not sleep due to i dont know what anymore, (naginuman pa kami moments ago and supposedly inantok nako at nakalma ang utak ko but wow, 745am na) i thought of uploading it in my multiply and i kinda forgot about the album i created 2 years ago for "my family". (view this album)

(blame this part on the alcohol) and oh man, i feel soooooooo FUCKING SSSSSSSAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHH i wanna fuckin HURT SOMEBODY NOW!!! i am honestly clueless on what to do on those pictures. IT FUCKIN BREAKS MY HEART AND I HATE IT OVER AND OVER COZ I SHOULD BE OKAY BY NOW BUT IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING I-DONT-KNOW-WHAT AND IT SUDDENLY DAWNED ON ME THAT I AM FUCKING SAD. REALLY. I AM SO PATHETIC DAMN THIS SHOULD FUCKIN STOP. YOU ARE EVERYWHERE AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO PRETEND THAT I AM OKAY... THE PAIN OOZES OUT OF ME AND I AM ALL FUCKED UP NOW. I AM. I WANNA HAVE MY NAME CHANGED, GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING ROOM OR IF POSSIBLE, GET OUT OF MYSELF. I WANNA DELETE EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS ME OF WHAT WE HAD. AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO START DOING IT BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FUCKING RETARD AND I DONT KNOW IF IM STRANDED IN THIS DENIAL. I AM SO TIRED I WANT MY HEART, MY MIND AND MYSELF BACK. I WANT IT BAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKK. FUCK FUCK FUCK

anyway, that paragraph above is brought to you by my alter-ego, thank you. but seriously...

IT FUCKIN BREAKS MY HEART.

sleepless nights count

so eto na naman tayo. by this time... iinom ako ng gamot at pipilitin kong matulog ng normal at kumain ng normal. hindi ako gumagaling mga kaibigan at masamang pangitain ito.

hemmingway... gusto ko ng halu-halo. kakain ako nun paggising ko (kahit di ako makatulog, kailangan ko ng haluhalo) kaso may lagnat ako at ubo so bahala na si batman.

siomai. gusto ko ng siomai bukas at magandang pajama. dahil nabobore na ako sa friendster picture ko, gusto kong magpicture ng nakapajama habang nakatingin sa pinto habang umuulan hawak ang mug na hang cute cute na bigay sakin ni JM. (ayiiihiiiii JM ha!!!! nakakahalata na ako sa yo waahahahahaha!) neh. binigay nya sakin yun nung nabasag yung giraffe kong mug kasi nadeps talaga ako. nagpost pa nga ako kasi "nabasag" yun ng multo sabi ng uncle ko. ngayon lalagyan na lang sha ng barya at lighter katabi ni ernie sa ibabaw ng printer ko. ok pa naman sha naghhi pa sa inyong lahat.

hemmingway ule, sige itutulog ko na to at itong post na to ay parang ginagawa ng isang naaaning dahil sa puyat at gutom. hindi naman ako pumapayat kaya kalokohan ang mamatay sa ganitong uri. pakidasal na lang na makatulog ako ng mahimbing at ayoko ng magpaka-deps. taena hindi nga ako nanunuod ng telenovela ganito naman ako magisip. shet shet shet.

ansarap nga pala ng ulan. kahit para akong asong kumakahol dahil sa dry cough, masarap talaga yung malamig. basta basta. gusto ko ng haluhalo.

tsaka siomai. tsaka pajama.

kuya poll

anong mas masaya?

maging single then focus to get rich

 

 9

maging single waiting for the right one

 

 6

maging single but unavailable (for some weird reason)

 

 3

magka partner to build a foundation for settling down

 

 2

walang magawa. anna and i were trying to use the multiply poll eh nandito lang pala. pano kaya nagwowork?

sige sige. may maganda akong tanong para sa lahat.

*sniff*

hindi na naman ako makatulog. T_T kailangan ko pa ba talagang maglasing bago makatulog ng mahimbing?

tapos bumalik na naman lagnat ko. di makahinga sa ubo. naiirita sa sarili kakatingin ng mga bagay bagay na di na dapat tingnan.

ano bang gamot sa ganito? taena ako yata yung maysakit na nasisiraan ng ulo dahil sa puyat at sa kung anu anong bagay na pinagiisip. ginawa ko naman lahat. sinubukan kong magbasa wala rin. di ko maabsorb binabasa ko. nagtry ako manood wala rin. pag kaharap ko naman yung pc kung saan saang website lang ako nagpupunta, tumitingin ng makikita. (anlabo nun ah).

bibili na talaga ako ng tatlong litrong kurant. aaraw arawin ko makatulog lang ng maayos. wala ng epekto sakin gatas. at kung anu ano pa. magiterax kaya ako? mas nakakatakot namang dumepende ron.

gusto ko nang magpatingin. masisiraan na talaga ako ng bait. ugh.

Blog Vomit.

for the past couple of days, ive been trying to rant here in my blog. i mean, i was a private blogger before and i only add friends (and what i mean by FRIENDS, is the real people that i co-exist with and not just your normal i-wanna-add-you-coz-i-found-your-blog-blah-blah kind of thing) for the reason that i do not want for strangers to just judge what i write. i mean... why would i call this ranting for heaven's sake. but apparently, when i dont add up people that i do not know personally becomes an insinuation that im an unfriendly person. which is illogical actually. so what the hell, im open to all now.

and now, since everybody even without multiply/lj accounts could read my entries, its an easy target for them to waste their time, trying to criticize or judge people(e.g. me) by reading blogs. apparently, i dont think i put this stuff online for someone's demise or sympathy. i put this up for relevant people. whom i know, are people that i could build friendship with or ive built friendship with already. so they would know, what's inside my mind WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, talk to me in person, see me in person, or chat with me for the longest of time. so my blogs are just like the exact picture of whats going on inside my mind without really blurting it out using my mouth or body language, which is sometimes a happy-go-lucky facade of a pseudo-emo slash troubled-ocassionally person. and that's why they also created it with a small comment button so people with concern could share what they think. convenient, right?

but when people starts to weirdly connote you as "naninira" or something worse, i mean... dont you think its a lot easier to just delete the person in your list rather than bad vibe your day everytime you open your friends' list? i do not want to even defend myself since i dont think ive mentioned or posted word vomits then namedropping a certain person. cause thats way beyond the definition of "paninira". i dont even put clues or post a cheap blind item. so its weird actually.

worse, if i am a REAL friend (that word is so overused, and you know what, once or twice is okay then go mutual. people would know if you really are friends with them so dont state the obvious its so tiring), i do not actually start a fight then cuss him/her online. there's email, YM, text, or better, personal. im not saying that those rules should be followed because theres no rulebook on internet etiquette but come on, imagine your neighbor hearing all the bad things when you're fighting with someone. and of course, ano ang sasabihin natin? "anong pakialam ko sa kanila!!!". wow. that's worse than being palengkera. coz you know, at least sa palengke, expected na nating maingay. and by posting such things in a blog, we should expect people to butt in, eavesdrop, or give unsolicited advices. eh pinost mo e. pero we should know how and when to strike personally. at yon ang point ko to go in private.

the word sorry is inexpensive. we could actually use it freely, but you know how mass production works, pag abundant, nawawalan ng worth. and that 5-letter word is priceless. it could heal wounds, create the bridge that fell down, or build back the bricks that got broken, but... when too much of a word vomit happened, believe me, sorry wont be enough. i could just say na dapat manindigan ang mga taong magsasabi na "this friendship is over". kasi mabigat yan e. hindi yan basta basta binibitawan. pag binawi mo, tapos magsosorry ka, how could you expect for other people to just go on with that relationship kung ganong klase kang tao. magsasalita ka ng masakit tapos ano yung katapat? sorry? feeling mo ganun ka kaspecial? kahit bestfriend ka pa or anything, we should think before we talk. gasgas na yan pero god, it should be practiced every single day. kahit saan. virtual man or sa realidad. and my only point is, get a grip of yourself especially if youre mad, because words could seem harmless, but it isnt.

oh and one thing. i have a question for everybody. if you say that someone is a "motherfucking narcissist" because you feel "underappreciated" by that same person, isnt it narcissistic of you to feel it or even saying the phrase "you do not deserve my friendship"?? especially if the person around you sees that "the narcissist" is the one listening to you when you rant, bringing you home safely when your better half is absent, or talks to you when you feel down, or you bossing him/her around? isnt it so ironic? im just curious. and thats hypothetical by the way.

you're so vain... i bet you think this blog is about you.

Minutes

ive been haunted by sleepless thoughts
and your smell
your smile
that lingers around
the four corners of my room
and my mind
keeps on breaking
my heart

those images
scattered around the web
sticking to the very last of my soul
catching my breath
my heartbeat
my warmth
replaced by that pain
i couldnt heal this easy
but i want to heal now

i want my heart back
i want it so bad
it still screams your name
your laughters
and its screaming to be saved
from the aches it suffers
from the very mere memory
of this feeling inside
thats now empty and void

i want my heart back
i want my yawns back
i want all my dreams
sewn together
after it has been ripped
by words ive never thought
you had from the beginning
i want the promises
to break itself
i want myself back

how much i wanted
to take everything back
i have given you
my body is too weak
whenever i see you
were my eyes deceived?
was my heart been lied to?
or is it just me
that deceives and lies to myself

how much i want
to take you back
and wrap you once again
in my arms
how much i want
to hold your hands
and embrace you through
the nights, the rainy nights
then see the burst
of the suns rays again
with you

how much i wanted
to blame all the angels
for not reminding me
that you were slipping away
right under my nose

how much i wanted
for you to fall
but someone else
caught you
while i was still waiting
at the very bottom
of my deepest wars

and you let him catch you
and you let him see your smile
and you let him hold your hand
and you let him wrap you around his arms
and you let him hear you laugh
and you let him smell your hair
and you let him feel your warmth
and you let him read your thoughts

that was supposed to be for me...

i still love you...
but if love will crush my head
and my heart over and over..

i dont want to anymore.

The Season Enders

First, i kinda just realized that I gave up some of the tv series i religiously watch. I havent continued on Smallville and House. One Tree Hill is still on going, but damn the Season Enders. Everything is ALL WORTH WATCHING AAAAGGGHHH.

Disclaimer: If You havent watched all of them yet, please stop reading here. Stop scrolling down, and do not be tempted by the awesomeness of my spoilers. Stop stop STOP!

Ok. So lets start from;

Grey's Anatomy - As of comparison to season 2's prom, the heartbreaking death of Denny that stole the focus then giving it all to Izzie while crying in an old rose gown is a lot better than the Burke-Yang called-off wedding (and the Meredith-Derek break up. where actually seems a little vague in some way) Anticipating the on-set feud between O'Malley and Burke made the series more nerve-wrecking because we all know that making someone leave the show is bound to happen. Adding up the spin-off Private Practice makes it more depressing since Addison wont be inside Seattle Grace's elevator anymore. O'Malley goes to Mercy West, and the doors opened for Burke to leave the show. Too much intrigue ruins the thrill. sheesh.

Heroes - Why didn't Peter fly by himself? The question almost everybody was asking. Yes, Peter is the one who's going to explode, not Sylar. Although the first minutes were really dragging by the same reason that WE NEEDED THE ACTION RIGHT AWAY, the reunion of all our heroes lasted enough for them to beat up that parasite sylar. Disappointingly, Peter had a fistfight with him instead of using his invisibilty, telekinesis, and god-knows what power he has as of that moment. Well, as the normal fan of Peter Petrelli (i am arguing with myself no worries), he has been distracted by the thought that he is the one whose going to destroy NYC. I just loved the part where Niki puts down DL then goes straight to Sylar with that big rod of a steel, whacking him off his consciousness and Hiro, making Isaac's vision happen, Stabbing Sylar with his samurai after putting Ando to safety back in their office in Japan (Ah Gay Love.) Matt was so useless, he didnt do anything but hurt himself. Claire was supposed to shoot Peter then *enter Superman theme.. or Powerpuff Girls if more appropriate* Nathan decides to sacrifice himself and flies Peter up up and away. Back to the question, Why didnt Peter fly by himself? Everybody thought that "of course. hes distracted and cant use two powers at once." Probably. But wrong. He became invisible before then flew away. And Straight from the horse's mouth, creator Tim Kring said...

 "But the real explanation is that we wanted Nathan to show up and [save the day]!"

"Yes, I will admit that there’s a very tiny window of logic there," Kring continues with a laugh. "But what can I say? It's requires the proverbial suspension of disbelief."

like ive said to my friend while watching it... of course we need a lil drama. Season 2 airs on September 24, 2007. ANTAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

LOST - this is probably THE BEST season ender of all. Lost lost its magic. everybody got tired of all the flashbacks. But making the last 3 episodes kill A LOT OF CHARACTERS (including CHARLIE T_T), reunions, and MORE questions, (while answering some of our theories past 2 seasons) PLUS this time, its a FLASH FORWARD, making us have a glimpse of Jack after the island, drug addicted and alcoholic, flying everywhere just to wish for a plane crash. i dont even know how to detail things anymore but GOD YOU SHOULD SEE IT. it is oozing with awesomeness and i was screaming, nailbiting, wrestling with my pillow while my heart is pumping hard and fast.

okay. i can probably eat REAL food now.

The Politics That I Dont Dare Talk About.

why do i find myself more intrigued about the Rosie-Elizabeth feud regarding the war in Iraq rather than wonder... what happened to the May 14 elections?

Simple. Because thank god for the wonders of television, people with sense speak their mind rather than be controlled by fear with using their freedom of speech.

I did not vote thank God. Know why? because on my way to the mall, i was listening intently on the news that in Davao Del Sur, the snopaking of votes were caught on tape. I mean, yeah thank god they're stupid, but i got so paranoid with what happened in other parts of this god forsaken country.

Its also funny that the elections were so last two weeks ago, and still, announcing was too hard for them to do. i actually bought the insinuation that just in case team unity got the higher votes, the announcements couldve made right at that very instance. even abalos, is acting weird, irritated when asked. its his fuckin job! why be annoyed??? ang laboooo.

and as of american politics, it was back fahrenheit 9/11 when it made me think that why would they go for saddam and start the war on Iraq, when Al Qaeda's Bin Laden was the mastermind of the WTC bombing? why would Bush resort on war against a country if they were fighting the so-called "terrorists"? Terrorists are all over the world, why focus on Iraq? ah yeah. for the oil stealing.

On my point of view (if you were also watching the feud between a very incendiary argument of Rosie and Elizabeth), Rosie was just trying to be a humanitarian since war affects/kills those innocent civilians, and Elizabeth is pointing out that America badly needs justice since the bombing ruined a lot of lives. and clearly, these facts affect the world. and we live in just one world. just One.

Politics are beginning to destroy this place. and one reason that i dont usually talk about it is... i find it absurd arguing with a person driven by media brainwash or seeing myself insist my belief to another.

why am i more interested about the debate that america is now talking about? because it WILL affect us sooner or later. while this country is enjoying Piolo and Regine making good music on Sharon, id rather focus on lives that were ended because of absurd religious differences and power.

For You Bitch.

Sabi nila therapeutic daw to. Mind you, hindi ito para kay che. We may have problems and she may have hurt me, pero i cant do this to her or to a REAL friend. Wag rin tayong maparanoid lalo na kung alam nyo namang wala kayong ginawang masama sakin. Para lang to sa nagiisang tao na walang karapatang mamention ang pangalan. so just enjoy reading. minsanan lang naman ako mairita ng ganito.

You are so self-absorbed, You are so annoyingly self-centered.

And youd think id care if you just die? No. I dont. I would breathe, eat and live without you. You were nowhere since two years ago. And dont ever pretend that my friendship is as shallow as yours. coz im not like you.

Yeah you were right all along. Youre right with everything you feel about how i treat you. coz you know what, youre not worthy of my time, pleasing your oh-so-stepped-on self, and enjoying your biggest pity party.

You are such a fuckin user. be ashamed of yourself. user ka. have you done something for me to deserve what your making me see? ulul. hindi ako nakikipagcompete sa gaya mo.

You pretend youre so smart but in fact youre just a shitty know-it-all. You even use hifalutin words so that people would think youre sooooo articulate. but in fact, you dont even know what youre talking about. ive done my part to make you feel i welcomed you in my life, but instead you just taught me on how to count the things ive done for you. umiyak ka man ng dugo, trust me, hindi kita kailangan. masyado na akong matanda sa mga ganyang issue ng buhay. lalo na kung laging buhay mo ang issue mo.

dont ever try to hitch up on somebody's list. wala akong utang na loob sa yo. if i am just the type of a person who would try to exert an effort telling the people youre manipulating, that they should go away from you dahil lason ka, i would. pero hindi kasi tayo magkaugali. iiwan ka rin naman ng mga yan kung hindi ka magbabago. so im not going to do your job.

does this make you feel good because this is all about you? enjoy then.


on second thought... my mother taught me better than this. *sighs* the things you do when there are bad vibes. ew ew ew.

may feeling close sa friendster. may kupal sa YM. may praning in real life na nakapaligid sa akin. at kung saan saan pa. why is this happening to the world??? bakit di na lang kayo magsama sama then do us a favor. do a mass suicide or play chinese garter.

Red.

i had a drink last night. i went out and went to jim's computer shop then there they were having lots of bottles of beer. i was wearing my checkered pajamas and bedroom slipper. i was just supposed to buy iced tea and yeah... beer was a lot better. (but im allergic to beer so ugh)

and wtf... everybody was having LOVE problems. i told tricia on the phone that the emotional rollercoaster that im in is too drastic coz one week is not enough to fix myself, and they asked me... how could i just be ok for one week? i said... i am ok. im always ok. but deep inside im not. i could just make it obvious whenever those bars inside me couldnt contain that feeling i suppressed. i hate drama. i really do. a human being has a LOT of emotions, indulging on too much drama might be harmful for our emotional, mental and physical health. and once the dramatic flu is there in you and its starting to get so obviously annoying for everyone else, the perfect medicine is resolution.

if some things could make you sad, dont just distract yourself and get yourself busy. go indulge. enjoy. indulge on that feeling for a couple of days alone, dont forget to stay rational and logical. think before you do things. if you cant do it alone, grab a friend. and IF youre friends arent available, try to ALWAYS think that everybody got lives, problems, and the only way to make them offer their help is to ASK.

and as of forgiveness, of course we all know na "ang DIYOS nga nagpapatawad e". but it doesnt mean that we can do this overnight. (and for the record, i hate it when people say that. like they are so holy they could offer their other cheek.) lets not live in hatred and dont forget to weigh things out. lets not abuse the power of love, that when one person loves us, and forgave us, lets try to think that it wasnt easy for them to just forget things for our sake.  same thing for us. OA na ang selfish. nakakapalan na ako masyado sa mukha. balance people. balance.

i did not say we should do this perfectly. we may forget some coz of the anger, and the hatred, (and again HATE is such a big word to use. lets be careful on that) but a second it subsides, try talking to yourself that its enough. that words couldnt be taken back even if we apologize. it just fuels the fire.

and by posting this, its not the "outside" xavier who is talking. this is for myself too. this is for everyone. thank you subconscious. lets hug ourselves lol.

the color of anger and love is confusing. so as much as possible, we should learn how to segregate them from each other.

Third from the last Chapters.

So heres an excerpt from the last Chapters of "Kissing Christian". I know there are people asking about it and my aim is to have this printed sometime July. Heres a part with Jeremy and Rachel.

“I will always be unreluctant on showing the world how stupid I am. And I don’t care what they would think about me. But I cant face the world right now with me protecting you while everybody’s angry with what you’ve done. Nobody could justify what you did to me. Not even you… I could and I would… but not right now. I cant make you see how much I love you right now. You will always be the girl i want to spend my life with. But I don’t want you to wait. I don’t want you to hope. I want you to be the girl that will love me without doubting it. That I may have ruined your favorite dress, threw away an important note, or said that you have the worst cooking, then somebody comes up and asks you if you love me… I’d want you to say yes… not maybe, not pausing for a minute. I want you to be sure. Cause I will never be a perfect person. And i want you to love me because i am me.”

“It hurts me this much that for the past years of our lives, my love for you still overwhelms me. I still cry when I tell them how we ended up together. Now ill stop myself to cry when they ask me how it ended.”

We wrapped each other with our arms for almost an hour. Until our legs got tired and cramped up, I tried to say goodbye.

Our eyes swollen, catching our breaths, we both stopped talking. I know shed like me to just forgive her as simple as that. I do. I do forgive her. But I cant forget it. I cant be able to forget it.

When we stood up, she hugged me again.

“Don’t leave.”
“I cant stay. Its getting late.”

We held each others hands while we were looking at each others faces. I was wiping her tears, both smiling. Finding our swollen eyes really funny. I was brushing her hair off her face.

“I cant kiss you right now, Im really sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”

Then we kissed. I kissed her gently like it would be the last kiss. I kissed her sweetly so she would not forget a kiss of a person whose always ready to leave his life behind, his everything behind, just to feel her kiss. I kissed her like nothing else.

I found myself walking on the streets, under the moon where we kept our promises, crying. Holding my heart on the sweaty palms of my hand. Holding the star that i gave her. Holding a diamond ring.

Ay. O_o

530am, she texted me. saying sorry about what had happened "kanina". i wondered, bat sha nagsosorry?

ah oo nga. kasi when they were transferring to another bar, i joked, "sasama ka ba kay edward or magsstay ka sakin?" i never realized the answer until now. sumama sha kay edward. (sabi ng friend ko ang ganda ng pangalan nya, hindi bagay. ang bitter ko naman nun kung ako yung nagsabi nun. lol)

i emailed her a long one. pero i think when i clicked on the send button then re-read it again, nagustuhan ko to.

"i give a lot of advice on love pero kahapon ko lang narealize na
nalimutan ko yung stand ko. for myself.  that if you love, and the
person you love is unfulfilled, if all she could see in you is
disappointment, then
why bother? it's good enough that you love her, but she obviously wants
something else. (thats what jamiesweet posted and made me realize ALOT!)

nagpakatotoo ka lang naman e. its my turn to be real and keep myself
awake for what i realized about what had happened. im not sorry for myself.
im just so sorry it ended in this manner.

expected ko na rin na minsan, maiiyak ako kasi maaalala ko lahat. pero
ibubuhos ko na lang sa sinusulat kong book para maisip ko na kwento ng ibang
tao yun. yung tipong nasa tuktok ng happiness hanggang gumulong pababa.
then in the end, what youll just do is the simplest thing. pick up
yourself, then stand again, for life."

tapos nagchachat kami nung friend ko. kinukulit nya ako dun sa someday ni nina. sabi ko, narinig ko na and its good. until she sent the lyrics.

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared

I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the last girl on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long
Won’t take long (cause)

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see, I won’t even miss you
Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye (cause)

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see, I won’t even miss you
Someday

I know someone’s gonna be there

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see, I won’t even miss you
Someday someday

ay. O_o sa akin nga. lol

CLOSURE WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

okay im locking this entry because THIS IS HUGE and she should not know this. hahaha

i went to MOA because thats where HER GUY is celebrating his birthday. and since MOA is big, i tried hacking on her yahoo messenger to know what bar she's in... i tried chatting on one of her online friends who know them both. LOL

11pm, went to Mojito Bay and there they were, in one long table, around 10 people talking. then their reactions when they saw me. PRICELESS. i was at the guy's back, tapped him and i said "tol happy birthday!" then i said to everybody "hey is it okay if i borrow che for the meantime, ill just talk to her." then we talked. she asked kung pano ko nalamang andun sila, pero di raw sha nagtaka coz two of my bestfriends saw her too. shit small world. LOL

JM, dinno, Ryan, and Rey called me. they got worried baka magwala raw ako at kung anong mangyari sakin. so they followed then we grabbed a bucket of beer. BESIDE THEIR TABLE. hahahaha shit they were just whispering, instead of enjoying the night. but i was UBER NICE I SWEAR, when the girls went to the cr, i went to their table and talked to edward.

ME: hey bro... are you ok? im so sorry. did i ruin your night? i was just around the area then my friends texted me.
EDWARD: hindi hindi *fixes his keempee hair* ako nga nhihiya e.
ME: ha? uy wag... no worries ALAM KO NAMAN LAHAT E, and its all ok. i just dont wanna spoil your birthday tahts why i tried talking to you, sorry talaga.
EDWARD: ha... um.. wala yun wala yun.

then i went back to our table then dinno was like... tangina pare kupal ka. LOL

whats kupal about being nice. its not my problem anymore if theyre really embarassed with their guilt, but gawd it felt so good.

then the girls came back and then i shouted to che while shouting... BABE DITO KA MUNA USAP TAYO SANDALI LANG. BABE! DALI NA BABE! then che went to our table.

a friend of edward was rubbing his back. what is that? LOL

i talked to che and said... hey its all ok. im still your bestfriend. its good that i saw you both for the last time. and she was like... last??? sabi ko... yeah. well except of course when i go for gabby but dont expect me to be all sweet the next time. its all cool na ganito. then i smiled like im so happy for her. which is I REALLY AM.

i said, hey i hacked all ur accounts online thats why i got all the infos so you should change all your passwords. no worries i didnt do any harm. i just read things. then my hands were on her face and i said... i love you so much i am able to do this for your happiness. GOD SHE CRIED. so i laughed and hugged her then said.. its ok its ok... sorry because i already cried a million times and now i feel a big sense of relief.

niloko ko pa coz they were transferring to pier one.. sabi ko... how metaphoric. do u wanna stay with me or go to edward? hahahahaha. priceless. she was just smiling, so offguard and confused. i bet shell absorb it now.

sabi ko... hey if u wanna have sex with this guy be safe ha. kakakilala mo pa lang jan. you should always think that we have gabby and be responsible. i hugged her and i said goodbye.

edward left MOA with the best face ever. weirdly sad. i dont even know why. LOL no, just kidding i soooo know why. but what the fuck. at least i get to talk to him and told them that they are so free to love each other.

and the last words ive told che, "hey (holding her face)... god knows how much i love you and i hope you could see how im able to do things for you. i even talked to the guy you love. you could ask him pa. be happy BESTFRIEND. you deserve it. *hugged her then kissed her head*"

i went home having a picture on the streets of MOA lying down. this picture symbolizes the HAPPINESS that i have! the freedom. the closure. shit its fuckin surreal.

and of course... this is becuase i have ALL OF MY FRIENDS. online and personal. sobrang thanks. you gave me a new life. *group hug*

Ever After.

Im drunk. i went to cena to just drown on alcohol. literally. i went there at around 12mn coz "gabby's mom" and i fought ON EMAIL for the first time. with the words ive never thought shed be using. with the things ive never thought id be saying. its one big mess of a word vomit.

lucky for her she doesnt care about what would people think about her. because she has the reason why she did it, she said. its because of me. its because of the things that i lacked. its because of the things i havent done yet. its because she is so tired of everything in her life because im in it.

one thing i just dont understand, why would she resort on cheating? it doesnt resolve anything. its so simple that she could break up with me totally before doing it. but it wasnt. she was telling i love yous, i kiss her. but was it all an act? i dont get it. my head hurts. i really dont get it. i kept on thinking why would she do that. if she wants that guy so bad, why not tell me. she knows i could be easily talked to, but again thats what ive thought. she also said that i really didnt care about her problems. stories. why would i do that? GOD I LOVE HER. WHY COULDNT GOD SHOW HER WHAT HE KNOWS?! but i know in my heart that god is doing his part. only she, ignores it.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH BUT I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. i cant. i just cant, because i cant anymore. i havent suffered this kind of pain in my life so now, it kills me little by little.

since youve been reading my journal, ive wrote my last email to you for 2 hours. i am posting everything because the world knows how much i loved you. and my friends are worthy to know why our love couldnt have a happy ending anymore. and now, because of this, happily ever after doesnt exist anymore. its so sad that i believed in fairy tales.

i love you. and i dont know what to do with this.

The End Of It All

i deleted that post with her picture. its not appropriate. i just made her look bad to everybody.

and it hurts me that i hurt her.

im so sorry. im letting go of the bitterness.

Now Its My Turn To Hurt You.

such a bitter bitter post. from a temporarily bitter person.

i was vengeful. but im not gonna do things because i wanna hurt you. im not gonna exert another effort just for me to care about what you could feel. im not going to prove you wrong. in fact... i would let you see the person youve created. the person youve seen in me. its my turn to make it REAL.

im gonna be irresponsible. id party ANYTIME I WANT. id watch movies with ANYONE I LIKE. yung magsosolo kami. id kiss any person whod like to kiss me (as long as i like the person too ha.. hahahaha) ill not contact you or give you any messages. i wont think of you whenever im having fun. im not going to miss you. im not going to do anything if it involves your name.

because you know what... you just killed the person who loved you. hes not gonna come back. and by doing all the things mentioned above... (dont act as if you dont know you mentioned it to that guy because i have ALL the logs of your converstaion), youll realize the difference of the person you thought i am and the person who is ACTUALLY doing it.

so stop reading my blog. im not gonna stop writing about what had happened because you just said so. lets make this public because gusto mo ng ganito di ba? here it is. mwah. luv ya! <-- its a fake i luv u. i hope u got that.

TAMA NA DEEEEEEEEEPPPSSS!

yeah sheldon is right. tama na yan.

last night, the Hale family went on ice (as don would put it).  MOA. went there at around 630 at timezone then when i saw anna, cecil and gracie, i cried. umiyak ako sa timezone sabi na nga ba. 5 minutes after, champ came with bianca and he said he knows everything already, hugged me and rubbed my back. i ran away from him kasi ayokong umiyak ng todo. er... kahiya.

leeza came with aiza, her friend from cebu and we stayed in ice monster muna while me telling the story to champ and bianca how i found out. thank god for ice monster, i was too busy enjoying it while telling the story.

mamu, leeza, champ, bianca and i ate at Azul while the kids are skating their hearts out. yeah gusto ko rin magskate pero kailangan ko pang magkwento sa kanila bago ko i-enjoy lahat. andun sina honnoh, tookney, bunchu, jeymehbeybeh, krissy, gracie, dundun, anna, gello, tania, karen, angeli, luis, leeza, and mamu. grabe.

why would people dwell on pain that long if you have fun friends to be with? alam ko mahirap tsaka masakit pero hindi naman dapat umikot dun yung buhay. kailangan pag kasama mo ang prends, good vibes all the way. so kahit nagkakaganun ako, sumaya talaga ako the whole night. naginuman pa kami nina eboi, dianne, al, tsaka prince. hence, isang napakasarap na tulog. n_n

pics are here. --> http://stainedshirt.multiply.com/photos/album/35

love u guys.

The Longest Nightmare

Its the 3rd day since i knew everything. until now i am obsessing by looking through all the pictures and their ym conversations. i havent had sleep yet since day one. and im going to my sisters house so she could accompany me to a doctor because im feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. im nauseous.

whenever everyone in my yahoo list is asleep, i find myself thinking about it, looking at the pictures again until i numb myself. i try to find some sleep. i turn off my pc monitor, lie down, close my eyes, then nothing. i kept on yawning but my mind doesnt seem to shut down. all the memory flashes. and this time, little by little, its sinking in. slow and hard.

thank god for friends. salamat sa diyos talaga. that line may be said and heard a million times but im typing it with every inch of its meaning. i would NEVER survive this shithole without them. Ryan and JM brought me food last night. they made me eat. i only started to eat yesterday. because i know i need it to live. all the people are asking me the question "ok ka lang" and i answer with a smile, a nod or a joke. because i really wanted to feel ok. i am willing to feel ok. its just sooooo hard to start to be okay especially if all the people around you does their ordinary everyday activities. when everyone starts to go home, work or sleep.

i know i cant easily just shrug it off. i could move on. i would move on. but since its fresh, the first step is the hardest. i cant read a book. my mind doesnt absorb anything.

when i was making coffee downstairs, i tend to think that there are a lot of people who are suffering more. this could be just nothing to them. but i am not "other people", the other half of my mind says. right now, i dont think i need to be irrational and just focus on what i feel. nakakabaliw pag kinumpara ko pa to sa iba para lang masabing kaya ko to. abhie said i need to wallow from it. i think its true.

were going to Mall Of Asia with everyone. Champ would be there. Champ already became one of my bestfriends since we knew a lot from each other and we cry to each other if needed. he helped me from other things too. grabe. and thats whats scary. champ doesnt know what happened pa. hes a fan of our relationship pa naman since theyre the one who played when i proposed. ayoko kasi ng pityparty. yun ang kinakatakutan ko. pero i cant not go because its like im pushing people away. and i dont push people away. as far as i know. i think this would be the day where id cry a river in public. wag lang sana akong tapiktapikin sa balikat ni champ or i-hug ni anna or kausapin ni mamu, but then again, thats what we always do.

this is definitely the longest nightmare. as much as i wanted to wake up, i cant because i know i cannot sleep.

Defeating The Purpose.

The great way to start a diet is to make your heart stepped on. i havent eaten all day, not a single solid food, and 613am, my mind is still zooming like a crazy drunk schumacher. beat that diet.

im so emo, i could eat mud while ripping my skin off.

today is the 16th. and from now on 16s would be the friday the 13th of my life. imagine having monthly friday the 13ths, its all bad luck. i dont believe in luck anyway.

i just feel sad about everything. i lost my faith in that so-called L word. i just cant stand the fact that i could be able to forgive after reading a ym conversation with me being blamed about the hardship of a person. i should feel guilty... but... i thought i tried my best. well all the pity-parties are not "in" anymore so i think i matured a lil just to feel affected then sit in a dark corner and cry.


speaking of... this is the reason why people think they have to hold on to what they have. Guilt. sometimes, we all tend to think that ruining one relationship with our fault makes us responsible of fixing things up. but then again, there are gazillion points to consider. (and gazillion means many so ill just pick whatever crosses my mind)

- was it REALLY unintentional?
- could you weigh it if its reconcileable?
- are the reasons supporting the act justifiable?
- am i 12?

but there are people whod like to pinpoint whos to blame.
"you should be.. blahblah... thats why i blahblah-ed BECAUSE you blahblah-ed!"

i thought the point of having a relationship was a good constant healthy communication. having a partner in crime, having a confidant, having someone who could understand the weirdest philosophies you carry until you get grey hairs. so about the pinpointing... does it still matter?

if you encountered... lets say... a decade of, a supposed to be healthy relationship, then one makes a mistake you would somehow regret (depends if youre heartless), is it still valid when you use the alibi... "i am just testing you, if you could really fight for me til the end"?? dont you think its too lame and really terribly insulting?

hypothetically, that decade of a relationship, and lets say the 7-year-itch started to grow on you, then flirted (why? because technically, the flame could somehow die down, the sex is not that constant anymore, and you still wanted to feel wanted by others) is it really necessary for you to ruin your real partner's character and lay down all your cards to um.. lets say... uh... a complete stranger from a friendster-like website? isnt it pathetic and... kind of a call of desperation? if you are a person with common logic, and claims that you love your partner, do u actually need to do that?

it just gathers up air inside you for a sigh youve never thought would be relieving for the heaviest of your heart. and a lot healthy to think that we do really teach people how to treat us, than pinpointing whos fault was at work. cause as clear as the daylight, the tests, the drama, the so-called "i am so confused and i didnt mean to hurt you", the messages left... DONT MATTER ANYMORE especially if the damage it created changed on how you look towards that person. so, if i failed that kind of a test, i wouldnt give a fuck because after doing such test on me, it would be a flunking surprise quiz for you.

its like youve been with a person for 10 years then suddenly, you dont know her anymore. a transition even the transformers cant perform. and you could JUST imagine the time you see her after... its like... seeing a beagle who could breathe fire that could consume all within its 10meter range. an entirely different DANGEROUS creature. not even used in harry potter books.

the old xavier is back folks. the xavier who despise trusting your heart to a person. the xavier who is... hahahaha ive just read this from one chat... irresponsible, and will never be responsible EVER. the person who is a complicatiion to a romeo and juliet. (imagine a teleserye with gerard anderson and kim chiu with the antagonist john regala/dick israel/rex cortez as kim chiu's first partner, until gerard passed by into her life, sweeping off her feet then... imagine me as one of those three, take your pick. pangit di ba?) the xavier who talks about himself as a third person, in which... is NEVER cute. so lets hide him again.

blogging this is actually a bit off. but i think some of the people should have the right to know especially if this was the kind of game she wanted to play all along. i actually had NO IDEA. this is so simple i should have done this a long time ago. and its therapeutic. i could be emo slashing my veins off but i guess im too old for that.

i am so emo, i would listen to screaming infidelities the whole day and act like i really feel alone.

shet.

if goodbye would make your beginning.

i was stupid to think that everything is okay. and it breaks my heart to know that you are suffering because of me. i promised you love, but as of what ive discovered, you were suffering years back.

i have made you hide things from me. but why dont i see it as your fault. i know you have given everything, and i also did that. but sorry, i think its not enough.

i have complicated things for us. youve made every path for my convenience, my sake. but ive never thought this will come. when your heart is full of accountable things youve made for me.

the only thing i asked is for you to be honest. because we have been here. and ive thought it wont happen again coz ive trusted you. it hurts me a lot cause i chose to be in this status because i thought we could wait.

and those rings that meant NOTHING to you. i dont even know what to feel anymore except of cold, shivering insides i wanna throw up. that tiny little thing was my heart. my heart that you kept on removing until it got lost.

i am so sorry. but one thing is for sure that i know would be one of those baby steps that could make you achieve what everybody is looking for... happiness...

i am letting you go. and you will never make me come back to you anymore. because i finally realized that you are better off without me.

i love you. and god will always know that i have NEVER loved a person since you. im so sorry. i really am.

registered!

nope. i didnt vote. all of the DOTA boys didnt vote neither. and we were actually talking about it. wasting one right that could actually make you validated as a citizen of the republic. and we didnt vote.

nung una ayus lang e. yung tipong, sus wala namang ipagbabago yung gobyerno, pero naung malaman ko yung populasyon namin na wala kahit isang bumoto, mas walang mangyayari. i am promising that next elections, ill be exercising my right.

instead, sheldon's mini birthday celebration was celebrated in MOA. since pupuntang guam, nagkayaan sila nina anna, jamie, bunchu, hannah, tookney and tintin na magiceskate. kami naman nina mamu, movie dapat.

so they iceskated after eating at sbarro then nagtimezone kami nina mamu after buying things then nagrazons. tapos nagkayayaan sa CCP to bike pero nagkwentuhan lang.

another fun fun night. *sighs* mamimiss ko sila ng two weeks.

The Levis IPod Jeans???

one thing im really obsessed with are IPod accessories. The fact that i cant live without it, (i use it 24/7 unless im asleep, taking a bath and having a conversation with a human being), i find it handy to buy an accessory that would make controlling it convenient and stylish at the same time. (arte, pastylish stylish pa ulul).

i was browsing around and saw this link from my multiply friend, ceresn, those USB pendants from a talented Italian jewelry designer, Francesco Lops, for Php 5,700. Now who said that bringing a USB drive is geeky?

Now this one made me do a lil research. last august 2006, levis made a statement that theyd release REDWIRE DLX by the end of the said year. i checked on the levis site... and yes they have it.

the pair of pants comes with the control joystick, a handy retractable headphone, and a docking cradle connected by a red ribbon, from your ipod to the controls.


how can you wash it? simple. the electronics are removable.

if they come with newer designs, i would love to have it in old blue. ^_^ but er... i think its around Php12,500.

so theres the D&G motorazr, that swarovski USB drives, and the levis ipod jeans. wow. its so fashionably geeky. and yes, i may want this one. ^_^

Happy Mothers Day

i shouldve posted my own feelings bout mothers day but one of my favorite musicians in YouTube, David Choi, said it all. <3 Love You ma. this is for u. :D



Happy Mother's Day (More Than Love)

Love, it's more than that
it's a deeper kind of feeling
I can't really understand
But I do feel it
because she brought me into this life
She's my mom, she's my mom

She brings me clean socks in the morning
Wakes me up cause I'm late when I'm snoring
She's not the best cook you see
But she tries and that makes me happy
Sometimes she gets on my nerves
sometimes I get on her nerves
but at the end of the day, she's my mom

She's more than love, She's more than love
She's more than love, She's more than love
That's how I feel so
Happy Mother's Day

No one can love you like a mom can
No one gives advice like a mom can
If you're a girl, she can help you with your make up
If you're a guy, she can help you with your break up
Moms will love you unconditionally
Right or wrong, next to you she'll be
If something ever happened to her child
She'd swim through the ocean, and run through the fire
That's a mom, that's my mom

She's more than love, She's more than love
She's more than love, She's more than love
That's how I feel, so happy
That's how I feel, so happy
That's how I feel so
Happy Mother's Day

it is the entertainment section of the www

internet can really save money. rather than buying your local tabloids or those expensive broadsheet everyday, you can just go visit the blog of your friends and you might get ahead of whats the latest happenings. and thats just one of A LOT. credibility is subjective though.

anyway, i got so crabby yesterday that it went to something that some of my friends wont like. change of my attitude. i just dont wanna rant about it coz i feel perfectly fine but i just thought that its unfair for myself if i keep on being hospitable while they cant. again, not angry but just being fair. ayoko lang ng feeling ng pinagsisiksikan ang sarili ko, so might as well be tough coz thats what they wanted.

before when they call me up, i look down from my room then go downstairs to unlock the door and make them stay inside my room. basically doing anything what they want. smoke, watch something, browse my magazines, doodle, play a game, etc. but yesterday, im on my spacey state of mind, i was looking for someone to hang out with. just... you know... talk about random stuff or just be awfully quiet but wow, i was ignored. there they are doing their things and i was like sighing for attention. oh what i mean by "them doing their things" is theyre just playing DOTA or something else. i said hi. they said uhrr. and thats not even considered a word. i checked on webster.

so i went to robinsons place and topshop is like your normal prayer room. once youre inside, you would feel relieved, burden-free and heavenly. i stopped myself from buying new chucks coz its out of the budget. i have to save some money coz i wanted this new bookshelf for my room and there's this red/grey striped hoodie with this really really soft fabric and it would make me really cute and all...

focus on your bookshelves xavier. focus.

so i just settled on buying this blue/black long sleeved shirt ive been actually looking for and its the last one huh. meant for me talaga. ate dinner and swore to my cheese enchiladas and chicken fajitas in mexicali that ill stop eating my mood away. i promise to have more fruit shakes than eating solid food. see. topshop is really like a prayer room. it also made me repent and promise.

one reason i like it there, coz hindi nagmumura yung brand na nakaprint sa shirt. i know that those inexpensive local brands could do the same, sana dun na lang ako nakabili. sige ill ignore the fabric pero sana yung hindi parang sako, tsaka alisin na nila yung print na malaki sa harap. pwede namang plain stripes lang eh or a design na wala yung brand nila. e di sana nakakatipid pa ako di ba.

random thought: i might want to post about the elections, but my heart is so tired of it. gusto ko sana kahit paano may saysay naman post ko pero... grabe. id rather talk about stupid stuff than it. its too serious, everybodys dying.

*shifts*

ill go to north edsa. will be browsing around the music store and get some picks coz the rockstar used all of my picks and never returned a single one hay.

burns is right... trinoma sounds like a rare disease. "OH MY GOD! MAY TRINOMA SHA??? KAILAN PA???"

effective.

drained

i woke up with a bodyache. but still, i enjoyed that ache coz i know i had such a great time. i came home last night at around 12mn, coz it s gabbys birthday and i went straight from megamall to cheches house. all my nephews and nieces were there with my mom and sister. too bad i had a migraine coz of a 2-day lack of sleep.

galera was fun. i got really unlucky with punctuality though. i woke up really early so i wouldnt be late coz i was excited but the cabs and the politics ruined it. they ate an hour and a half of my time. i got really embarassed coz everybody was waiting for me inside a van. god. but everything turned out fun. i dont even know how to detail everything. the ferry ride was a bit nauseous. roll and i got the chance to talk about our demo recording when he opened it up. im a bit excited about it though. i was with mamu, anna, tukne, hannah, bunchu, seven, nina, patty and ali in one van then hale's on the other. roll transferred in our van when we stopped over somewhere in laguna i think. had lunch right after arriving in galera then hale came after an hour. chino and rhoda were with them. made it more interesting hahaha. the first night was crazy. everybody got drunk. then 530am of wednesday, we went swimming again. too bad i wasnt that toasted. ive never had such fear of jellyfishes. grg. they saw this small hole somewhere beside white beach then everybody crawled inside it, seeing this one beautiful pond-like part of the beach. and again, im such a killjoy i just stayed on the otherside looking for jellyfishes.

oh yeah. ill post the pictures by tomorrow. i still have a gig to host later. so im trying to rest whil watching the series. speaking of which: (stop reading from here if you do not want spoilers)

One Tree Hill s04e16 - i just hated how they made people wait for about two months and stirred everything up in one episode. they shouldve focused more on the peyton scare and left the prom til the next ep.

Lost s03e19 - they are revealing things one by one. from few episodes back, they pointed out that claire and jack are half-siblings, now its about locke and sawyer. sawyer was looking for the man who ruined his family (which is tom sawyer, a con name where he got his too) and it was locke's father. oh yes he killed that son-of-a-bitch. also, confirming that the purgatory idea about the island is not true. ^_^ coz its lame.

Greys Anatomy s03e21/s03e22 - i think the spinoff would be good. i found myself giggling at the first 15 minutes. andun nga si kellerman. hahahaha. pero ayos lang ang cute nya sa role. ive never actually imagined taye diggs becoming a doctor. weird but i think itll grow on me. is george really going to mercy west? si addison nasa california e. hmm.

Heroes s01e21 - still watching it. ill edit this entry later. ^_^ bitin. asar.

Desire.

"Too often the thing you want most is the one thing you cant have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting can be, the people who suffer the most... are those who dont know what they want."

- Meredith Grey
Grey's Anatomy s03e21

uh-oh.

my favorite mug got broken by no one. at least thats what my uncle said, coz we are the only ones who live here in this house. and as far as i could recall, i am so much careful with my things. i havent broken anything since god knows when. and he uses the friggin mug sa dinami dami ng mug dito sa bahay.

hes so careless. pag naghuhugas ng pinggan akala mo bato ang hinuhugasan. palibhasa bingi na ata. i really hate my uncle. im just doing the role of being a nice nephew but god. forgive me but ive never had so much anger in my heart since hes existence in my life. hindi lang yan dahil sa mug trust me. nabuhay lang uli yung galit ko coz that mug is REALLY special to me.

wala shang gamit sa bahay na to. nakikitira lang sha. at pinagbintangan nya pa yung friends kong nagpupunta rito. then umalis na lang mom ko coz the last time na nagaway sila, andaming nahalungkat na bagay na hindi na dapat inuungkat. at di pa ako nageexist nun.

anyway... focus. HE BROKE MY FUCKING MUG.
AND THIS SHOULD STOP. hes such a fucking liar he should suffer the
fires of hell. siya pa ang galit ha. defensive sobra. pointing out
maybe one of my friends broke it since lagi silang nandito. hello
walang gumagamit ng mug ko sa kanila noh. and i am 100% sure about that.

that mug is the first thing i see in the morning. its the first thing that makes me smile. honestly. pinapasaya nung giraffe na yun ang simula ng araw ko. now id remember EVERY MORNING na i am living with a useless monster who lies a lot. fuck i hate him.

get busy daw.

ive lost my connection for almost 3 days. i nearly burned down smart bro's network but i figured im better than that. asar.

since our overnight swimming last last week, ive never expected my summer to be fun. well... the normal hangouts are there but im looking forward to our galera on tuesday. will be staying there in 3 days. wow. i am promising myself to get really really toasted.

last friday, HALE's first concert was... AMAZING. at first ive thought, ive been watching them evry gig that they have before and i wasnt expecting anything special on it. i thought its just.. you know the normal gig onstage. but the concert became intimate, heartfelt, with great acoustics, lighting... *sighs*.. its surreal. its like im watching a different band. a band i really love that ive seen live for the first time. bittersweet symphony was played with a string quartet then i cried when they covered the scientist. imagine an acoustic guitar, piano, and black lights. ah-may-zing. sheldon sang. yep people you have read it right. sheldon backupped when they performed bloc party's kreuzberg. after the concert, we ate (actually... i ate A LOT) at gerry's with almost everyone then stayed in starbucks greenhills til 4am doin my "wharrrrrrrrr i do" stuff. hilarious. kahit ako natatawa sa sarili ko.

the next morning, i was supposed to go to the dasma gig coz its tintin's mom's bday too. na-hassle ako BIG TIME. umalis na lang kami ni JM. and still had the almost perfect day kahit nagdurugo ang puso ko na hindi ako nakasama sa studio pic namin. T_T

ok as to my food journal, what i had last friday night was baked mussels (6 pcs.), grilled pork liempo, and a garlic rice plus chocolate affogato. saturday was like, shrimp hakao (4pcs) pork siomai (4 pcs) beef brisket and raspberry frappe (without the whipped cream hooray). er... blue m&ms and coke light while in the moviehouse then one taro quickly and a cello oreo donut. this lunch, i had california maki (5 pcs), a whole order of salmon sashimi, gyudon, coke float, and gabby's applepie leftover. am i doin a great job eating healthy? watcha think?

anyway... jm and i went to rob place to go to smart wireless to complain PERSONALLY (wow this is like the new level of my temper... going straight to their offices) then met up with gabby to choose her own cake since its her birthday on may 9 and im out of town. so i treated her to playbox in advance then im gonna treat her again on saturday.

anyway, tomorrow is our second movienight. too bad most of us have already seen spiderman 3 so i think well just hangout and go to timezone while champ and the halers are watching it. speaking of spiderman 3, im a bit um.. disappointed with the third part of the trilogy since i always expect for its mindnumbing action and special effects but i think the plot dragged the whole movie down. i dunno its full of sap. but its still good though, not comparing it with the other two.

tuesday to thursday.. PUERTO GALERA. sunbuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrnnn!!!!!!!!

ay.

hotdog, scrambled egg with tomatoes on top of steaming garlic rice.


yan ba ang almusal ng isang magpapapayat? O_o

oh well... thank god i have food. na masarap. at mainit. magssitups na lang ako. hahaha


actually meron lang akong pinagutom over the internet. :p

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in other news... JM and i were talking about movies and he mentioned swimfan. so i went searching for jesse bradford then what popped out?

HES GYUNWOO IN THE REMAKE OF MY SASSY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and whos THE sassy girl???

ELISHA CUTHBERT! *DIES*

SHES LIKE MY GREATEST CRUSH EVER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

i remembered when jennifer love hewitt was rumored to be the main actress and i like her, yeah but shes not really well-fitted for the role. julia stiles perhaps.

BUT ELISHA CUTHBERT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. *DIES AGAIN*

what the...

as the normal sloth in me... i know my weight has been going yoyo. and i am now um... malusog. lol fine fine. everybody was like really disturbed (ang OA disturbed talaga lol) by my weight. well my mom visited me here in my house and shes like... teary-eyed saying..."antaba mo na *sniffs*" parang sira. i was conscious before and thought of trying to stay ok but now... wow i eat what i friggin want. hahahaha. fine fine. ill go back on my old ways. sheesh.

so my relatives from germany said hello to me and they were like... tingnan mo kuya jerome mo ang healthy, nanalo pa sa bikini summit last year. HELLO MODEL YUNG TAO IKUMPARA BA AKO RUN. and besides... hindi kami magkadugo. being goodlooking is relative and we are NOT. does he even watch heroes??? hello so uncool. LOL at least hindi ako takot sa aswang hahahahaha peace jerome oo na pogi ka na. kaasar ka even my sister is like wanting to see you all over the internet. ASAAAAAAARRR.

ANYHOO, *sighs* fine ill go freakout and watch what i eat. god the haluhalo. its so good with vanilla and ube ice cream on top. kumusta naman yun para igive up. im actually thinking of those things i usually eat that i could live without. shet heres the list:

1. French Fries - um... as long as its not mcdo with float... i think i could walk on the streets with my sanity. im not really a fry fan pero masarap yung combo with that mcdo ketchup that i eat like its gelatin. ok fine. ill give it up.

2. Softdrinks/Juices/C2 - i hate water. but as ive heard, its normal for people to drink water. like bland water. umiinom naman ako ng tubig pero when i go out, i always drink iced tea or pineapple juice. softdrinks, pwede pang lampasan pero flavored liquids, bakit hindi. banana shake *sniff* i love u forever. FINE MAGTUTUBIG NA AKO LAGE HINDI NA AKO MAGJJUUICE OR C2 $#^$@%^$&$^%$%^#$%@

3. Ice Cream - um... yeah i could live without it.

4. Cakes/Pies - OMG CHOCOLATE MOUSSE! *drools* i could even finish the whole cake without eating anything. hindi ako nauumay sa kanya so wag nyo shang pakialaman... but on the other hand, sige na ill eat it once a month. one slice? FINE ONE SLICE LANG.

5. CHIPS - tortillos barbeque lang naman tsaka pringles sour cream di ko mahindian e. but hello, di ko sha hinahanap.

6. Mayonnaise - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. fine. i know im addicted to it. sige giving it up.

7. Chocolates - DONT... MESS... WITH... MY... CHOCOLATES. T_T this is tragedy. this is chaos. life without the chocolates??? what do u want me to do? have sex all the time??? *whimpers*

on the other hand... CANT WE JUST BE MORE CONSCIOUS ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING RATHER THAN FOCUS ON ME??? wtf.

ill jog, quit smoking and stay healthy. I F%@#$%N PROMISE!!!! ugh ihateyoupeople.