2 identical letters and a vowel.

i can vaguely remember that i know i was existing when i was 3 years old. that was the time when you pinched me on my side when i was playing around my kindergarten school, waiting for my graduation picture to be taken. cant hang it on the wall coz my eyes were all swollen coz i cried so hard that day.

we always had our fights. i tried committing suicide because of you. and you know that. remember my baygon and fanta green apple mix? 10 seconds and bam! blackout. woke up with blinding lights welcoming me back to lifeville. as early as 12 years old, i can feel that you hated me and i dont know why. you have never been proud. i passed my acceleration exams, became second honor but you always wanted me to be the first.i have never ever got the expectations you wanted. i was so envious of the kids coz they seem to be okay. they werent pressured. you know that i never failed any subjects or got a line of 7 but you wanted me to be 84 and above. and that time... i asked, why would you want to complicate things for me if you love me?

you always take his side. one commanding statement, and there you go yelling at me. you have never ever heard a single problem that came out of my mouth. coz itll always be the same answer. that i was the wrong one. but you, you said before that i was your problem. my existence was. but not until i was 20.

when i was really sick... you went to my room, and asked me... if you have raised me right. i said no. coz i never felt that kind of warmth when i was a kid.

but now, i guess its time that i have to say sorry. coz i was too ignorant of all the sacrifices that you made just for me. you were the one that took all the blame when dad got really mad when he lost 5thousand bucks and you know i was the one who took it. you were the one who got really wet when i got stranded in my school just to bring umbrella and see that i was safe. you were the one who cooked all of my meals and yes, you always ask me what would i want for dinner. you were the one who washes and irons my clothes so i could be the tidiest student of all. you were the one that invited all of my ninang and ninong just to celebrate my best in attendance award. you were the one who kissed me when i had a gash on my knee.

you were the one who tried to make me feel loved. and i was the one who just dwelled about being depressive and being rebellious... and you were still there.

you were the proudest one. and i cant believe i needed age to understand all of it. that you just wanted me to be the brightest, the cleanest, the most loving kid, a mom could ever have. but i never gave you that. and now, i know that you have done everything just for me to be a better person by now.

thanks for being there. no matter what. thanks for understanding me. no matter what. thanks for loving me. no matter what.

i love you, ma. thank god you were my mom.