Too Much Information

Does everybody still know how conversations with friends work? have you ever felt youve given too much information that was sensitive to you and never expected a violent reaction? or a judgment? minsan kasi i dont know how it works now.

i just came home so heavy hearted. i dont know feeling ko pagod lang ako, maraming iniisip, kaya kung anu ano rin ang lumalabas sa bibig ko. alam nyo ba yung feeling na may bagay ka nang dapat palang itago kahit paano kasi hindi sa lahat ng oras, nasa iisang linya kayo. i know everybody has their differences pero sometimes, if youre overfamiliar with anyone, nalilimutan na yung boundaries kung hanggang saan lang pwedeng nakakatawa or sobrang nakakasakit.

yung sobrang personal.

siguro id like to somehow defend myself na hindi ako social climber. ive never pretended that im rich. nagkataon lang sigurong may arte ako sa katawan. pero kahit kelan siguro hindi ko inisip na mayaman ako at hindi ako nakikipagkaibigan sa "mahihirap". nagtataka lang ako kung bakit ako macoconnote as a social climber. dahil ba may kakilala akong celebrity? eh hindi ko naman kaibigan ang iba ron. eh kilala ko e. anong magagawa ko magkakilala kami. should i pretend that im sooooo down to earth na dapat hindi ako nagkkwento about them? akala ko masaya pag may insider tsismis? hindi pala.

at kahit hindi ako graduate, i know that i could stand for myself. kaya kong mabuhay without using anyone. mabuti sana kung namumulot ako ng pera. or nanghihingi. eh hindi e. marunong ako dumiskarte. nagkataong marami akong alam. bakit parang dapat maramdaman kong wala akong pinag-aralan? i dont even think im incompetent. i dont even pretend that im smart. coz i really know what i do. so i dont think pointing it out is as personal and hurting as my jokes.

may tinapakan ba ako sa mga kaibigan ko? or ibang tao? may ginamit ba ako? kasi kung meron... pakisabi kung sino. at least kahit paano kaya kong ipagtanggol ang sarili ko.

its too much drama saying these things personally. ayoko kasing magkasamaan ng loob. pero sana naman, as much as i dont judge anyone, and since i call some of my friends the best, magkaroon naman tayo ng kahit konting pigil sa sarili natin, before opening our mouth that could offend anyone.

masaklap pa nito, eto yung mga taong hindi ko inano.

i dont know if i should feel apologetic about something. i dont even know if i deserve those things. pero sana, always think na if ever my other friends judge you in a way na hindi ko gusto, one thing i surely know, i will defend you as much as i can.

im so sorry if ever ive said anything na katumbas ng mga nasabi nyo sakin. or higit pa. pero as much as what i could recall, i really dont deserve it.

you know why i blogged it? because my heart couldnt contain it. i wanted to cry. and for the last time ive asked myself, sa ganitong klase ng sitwasyon, to whose shoulders im gonna cry upon?

lesson learned, i think i should change the way i am.