The Falling Out.

It has been such a blur to me. I mean, the phrase itself. I always believed that once we fall in, we never "fall out". such as tucking out. but now it gets me thinking... what could be the right phrase to use when one day, you suddenly realize, that the person you thought you knew wasnt the same person at all. the feeling after that realization.

some things are meant to change. and i also believed that people, no matter what, dont change. i think its the first impression that deceives us. so we think that the person changes after some time, but, its because were starting to see the real face behind the mask.

can youth actually be a reason? so thats why getting old sucks. because when you reach a certain age, and show such a disgusting trait, its what theyll think you are. absolutely. but when youre young, people could actually rationalize it by considering the age. how young is young anyway.

i think some differences are tolerable. but when ivan started to emphasize that line between us all that gets all blurred up, i get to stand up on my half... and try to point where everyone's boundary is. its how we protect ourselves emotionally. ive had my share of pain. getting too comfortable with new people i meet is my weakness. and i never thought it could have a complication when time comes. it is again why, china built that wall.

i also thought i was a perfectionist. but i never saw myself as someone perfect. i could be the meanest upfront person, but i know ive got a way with it. there could be people to prove it. when i tolerated characteristics that makes me grit my teeth, i get to see that i could be passive. ive never asked for perfection. i thought it was clear right from the very start that all i want, is a person with a bag of sensitivity.

in every falling out, nobody wins. its not a competition to begin with. i thought it hurts when you get left behind. but instead, what hurts the most... is when youre the one who gets to realize it all, and starts leaving. when you get left behind, at least you get to hope, even a little. but when you're the one leaving, its the absence of it that makes you step out of what you have then dwell with the worst feeling you could ever feel.