TAMA NA DEEEEEEEEEPPPSSS!

yeah sheldon is right. tama na yan.

last night, the Hale family went on ice (as don would put it).  MOA. went there at around 630 at timezone then when i saw anna, cecil and gracie, i cried. umiyak ako sa timezone sabi na nga ba. 5 minutes after, champ came with bianca and he said he knows everything already, hugged me and rubbed my back. i ran away from him kasi ayokong umiyak ng todo. er... kahiya.

leeza came with aiza, her friend from cebu and we stayed in ice monster muna while me telling the story to champ and bianca how i found out. thank god for ice monster, i was too busy enjoying it while telling the story.

mamu, leeza, champ, bianca and i ate at Azul while the kids are skating their hearts out. yeah gusto ko rin magskate pero kailangan ko pang magkwento sa kanila bago ko i-enjoy lahat. andun sina honnoh, tookney, bunchu, jeymehbeybeh, krissy, gracie, dundun, anna, gello, tania, karen, angeli, luis, leeza, and mamu. grabe.

why would people dwell on pain that long if you have fun friends to be with? alam ko mahirap tsaka masakit pero hindi naman dapat umikot dun yung buhay. kailangan pag kasama mo ang prends, good vibes all the way. so kahit nagkakaganun ako, sumaya talaga ako the whole night. naginuman pa kami nina eboi, dianne, al, tsaka prince. hence, isang napakasarap na tulog. n_n

pics are here. --> http://stainedshirt.multiply.com/photos/album/35

love u guys.

The Longest Nightmare

Its the 3rd day since i knew everything. until now i am obsessing by looking through all the pictures and their ym conversations. i havent had sleep yet since day one. and im going to my sisters house so she could accompany me to a doctor because im feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. im nauseous.

whenever everyone in my yahoo list is asleep, i find myself thinking about it, looking at the pictures again until i numb myself. i try to find some sleep. i turn off my pc monitor, lie down, close my eyes, then nothing. i kept on yawning but my mind doesnt seem to shut down. all the memory flashes. and this time, little by little, its sinking in. slow and hard.

thank god for friends. salamat sa diyos talaga. that line may be said and heard a million times but im typing it with every inch of its meaning. i would NEVER survive this shithole without them. Ryan and JM brought me food last night. they made me eat. i only started to eat yesterday. because i know i need it to live. all the people are asking me the question "ok ka lang" and i answer with a smile, a nod or a joke. because i really wanted to feel ok. i am willing to feel ok. its just sooooo hard to start to be okay especially if all the people around you does their ordinary everyday activities. when everyone starts to go home, work or sleep.

i know i cant easily just shrug it off. i could move on. i would move on. but since its fresh, the first step is the hardest. i cant read a book. my mind doesnt absorb anything.

when i was making coffee downstairs, i tend to think that there are a lot of people who are suffering more. this could be just nothing to them. but i am not "other people", the other half of my mind says. right now, i dont think i need to be irrational and just focus on what i feel. nakakabaliw pag kinumpara ko pa to sa iba para lang masabing kaya ko to. abhie said i need to wallow from it. i think its true.

were going to Mall Of Asia with everyone. Champ would be there. Champ already became one of my bestfriends since we knew a lot from each other and we cry to each other if needed. he helped me from other things too. grabe. and thats whats scary. champ doesnt know what happened pa. hes a fan of our relationship pa naman since theyre the one who played when i proposed. ayoko kasi ng pityparty. yun ang kinakatakutan ko. pero i cant not go because its like im pushing people away. and i dont push people away. as far as i know. i think this would be the day where id cry a river in public. wag lang sana akong tapiktapikin sa balikat ni champ or i-hug ni anna or kausapin ni mamu, but then again, thats what we always do.

this is definitely the longest nightmare. as much as i wanted to wake up, i cant because i know i cannot sleep.

Defeating The Purpose.

The great way to start a diet is to make your heart stepped on. i havent eaten all day, not a single solid food, and 613am, my mind is still zooming like a crazy drunk schumacher. beat that diet.

im so emo, i could eat mud while ripping my skin off.

today is the 16th. and from now on 16s would be the friday the 13th of my life. imagine having monthly friday the 13ths, its all bad luck. i dont believe in luck anyway.

i just feel sad about everything. i lost my faith in that so-called L word. i just cant stand the fact that i could be able to forgive after reading a ym conversation with me being blamed about the hardship of a person. i should feel guilty... but... i thought i tried my best. well all the pity-parties are not "in" anymore so i think i matured a lil just to feel affected then sit in a dark corner and cry.


speaking of... this is the reason why people think they have to hold on to what they have. Guilt. sometimes, we all tend to think that ruining one relationship with our fault makes us responsible of fixing things up. but then again, there are gazillion points to consider. (and gazillion means many so ill just pick whatever crosses my mind)

- was it REALLY unintentional?
- could you weigh it if its reconcileable?
- are the reasons supporting the act justifiable?
- am i 12?

but there are people whod like to pinpoint whos to blame.
"you should be.. blahblah... thats why i blahblah-ed BECAUSE you blahblah-ed!"

i thought the point of having a relationship was a good constant healthy communication. having a partner in crime, having a confidant, having someone who could understand the weirdest philosophies you carry until you get grey hairs. so about the pinpointing... does it still matter?

if you encountered... lets say... a decade of, a supposed to be healthy relationship, then one makes a mistake you would somehow regret (depends if youre heartless), is it still valid when you use the alibi... "i am just testing you, if you could really fight for me til the end"?? dont you think its too lame and really terribly insulting?

hypothetically, that decade of a relationship, and lets say the 7-year-itch started to grow on you, then flirted (why? because technically, the flame could somehow die down, the sex is not that constant anymore, and you still wanted to feel wanted by others) is it really necessary for you to ruin your real partner's character and lay down all your cards to um.. lets say... uh... a complete stranger from a friendster-like website? isnt it pathetic and... kind of a call of desperation? if you are a person with common logic, and claims that you love your partner, do u actually need to do that?

it just gathers up air inside you for a sigh youve never thought would be relieving for the heaviest of your heart. and a lot healthy to think that we do really teach people how to treat us, than pinpointing whos fault was at work. cause as clear as the daylight, the tests, the drama, the so-called "i am so confused and i didnt mean to hurt you", the messages left... DONT MATTER ANYMORE especially if the damage it created changed on how you look towards that person. so, if i failed that kind of a test, i wouldnt give a fuck because after doing such test on me, it would be a flunking surprise quiz for you.

its like youve been with a person for 10 years then suddenly, you dont know her anymore. a transition even the transformers cant perform. and you could JUST imagine the time you see her after... its like... seeing a beagle who could breathe fire that could consume all within its 10meter range. an entirely different DANGEROUS creature. not even used in harry potter books.

the old xavier is back folks. the xavier who despise trusting your heart to a person. the xavier who is... hahahaha ive just read this from one chat... irresponsible, and will never be responsible EVER. the person who is a complicatiion to a romeo and juliet. (imagine a teleserye with gerard anderson and kim chiu with the antagonist john regala/dick israel/rex cortez as kim chiu's first partner, until gerard passed by into her life, sweeping off her feet then... imagine me as one of those three, take your pick. pangit di ba?) the xavier who talks about himself as a third person, in which... is NEVER cute. so lets hide him again.

blogging this is actually a bit off. but i think some of the people should have the right to know especially if this was the kind of game she wanted to play all along. i actually had NO IDEA. this is so simple i should have done this a long time ago. and its therapeutic. i could be emo slashing my veins off but i guess im too old for that.

i am so emo, i would listen to screaming infidelities the whole day and act like i really feel alone.

shet.

if goodbye would make your beginning.

i was stupid to think that everything is okay. and it breaks my heart to know that you are suffering because of me. i promised you love, but as of what ive discovered, you were suffering years back.

i have made you hide things from me. but why dont i see it as your fault. i know you have given everything, and i also did that. but sorry, i think its not enough.

i have complicated things for us. youve made every path for my convenience, my sake. but ive never thought this will come. when your heart is full of accountable things youve made for me.

the only thing i asked is for you to be honest. because we have been here. and ive thought it wont happen again coz ive trusted you. it hurts me a lot cause i chose to be in this status because i thought we could wait.

and those rings that meant NOTHING to you. i dont even know what to feel anymore except of cold, shivering insides i wanna throw up. that tiny little thing was my heart. my heart that you kept on removing until it got lost.

i am so sorry. but one thing is for sure that i know would be one of those baby steps that could make you achieve what everybody is looking for... happiness...

i am letting you go. and you will never make me come back to you anymore. because i finally realized that you are better off without me.

i love you. and god will always know that i have NEVER loved a person since you. im so sorry. i really am.

registered!

nope. i didnt vote. all of the DOTA boys didnt vote neither. and we were actually talking about it. wasting one right that could actually make you validated as a citizen of the republic. and we didnt vote.

nung una ayus lang e. yung tipong, sus wala namang ipagbabago yung gobyerno, pero naung malaman ko yung populasyon namin na wala kahit isang bumoto, mas walang mangyayari. i am promising that next elections, ill be exercising my right.

instead, sheldon's mini birthday celebration was celebrated in MOA. since pupuntang guam, nagkayaan sila nina anna, jamie, bunchu, hannah, tookney and tintin na magiceskate. kami naman nina mamu, movie dapat.

so they iceskated after eating at sbarro then nagtimezone kami nina mamu after buying things then nagrazons. tapos nagkayayaan sa CCP to bike pero nagkwentuhan lang.

another fun fun night. *sighs* mamimiss ko sila ng two weeks.

The Levis IPod Jeans???

one thing im really obsessed with are IPod accessories. The fact that i cant live without it, (i use it 24/7 unless im asleep, taking a bath and having a conversation with a human being), i find it handy to buy an accessory that would make controlling it convenient and stylish at the same time. (arte, pastylish stylish pa ulul).

i was browsing around and saw this link from my multiply friend, ceresn, those USB pendants from a talented Italian jewelry designer, Francesco Lops, for Php 5,700. Now who said that bringing a USB drive is geeky?

Now this one made me do a lil research. last august 2006, levis made a statement that theyd release REDWIRE DLX by the end of the said year. i checked on the levis site... and yes they have it.

the pair of pants comes with the control joystick, a handy retractable headphone, and a docking cradle connected by a red ribbon, from your ipod to the controls.


how can you wash it? simple. the electronics are removable.

if they come with newer designs, i would love to have it in old blue. ^_^ but er... i think its around Php12,500.

so theres the D&G motorazr, that swarovski USB drives, and the levis ipod jeans. wow. its so fashionably geeky. and yes, i may want this one. ^_^

Happy Mothers Day

i shouldve posted my own feelings bout mothers day but one of my favorite musicians in YouTube, David Choi, said it all. <3 Love You ma. this is for u. :D



Happy Mother's Day (More Than Love)

Love, it's more than that
it's a deeper kind of feeling
I can't really understand
But I do feel it
because she brought me into this life
She's my mom, she's my mom

She brings me clean socks in the morning
Wakes me up cause I'm late when I'm snoring
She's not the best cook you see
But she tries and that makes me happy
Sometimes she gets on my nerves
sometimes I get on her nerves
but at the end of the day, she's my mom

She's more than love, She's more than love
She's more than love, She's more than love
That's how I feel so
Happy Mother's Day

No one can love you like a mom can
No one gives advice like a mom can
If you're a girl, she can help you with your make up
If you're a guy, she can help you with your break up
Moms will love you unconditionally
Right or wrong, next to you she'll be
If something ever happened to her child
She'd swim through the ocean, and run through the fire
That's a mom, that's my mom

She's more than love, She's more than love
She's more than love, She's more than love
That's how I feel, so happy
That's how I feel, so happy
That's how I feel so
Happy Mother's Day