er... i havent posted recent pictures of our get-togethers, and last thursday, JM and I bought this BIG white board so i could take note of all my gimmicks. supposedly bibilhin ko na yung shelves pero gusto ko kasi buo na e.
the whole week has been sooooo great.
kanina, JM, TRISH, PAO, ABHIE, IVAN AND I watched Pirates of the Carribean 3 then met up with ONA and RICO at Cyma to have some dinner. tapos uminom sa Cena with Paul and his friend. shet reunion din. too bad wala si yesh and iza.
last thrusday night, after having dinner at mexicali MOA, i bought two sets of Ice Breaker then tried it with the zhyper gang. unbelieveably, everybody was answering what they really think about. bonding tapos nag foodtrip hanggang 5am.
no wonder ganito ako kalusog. ugh.
dinner with HALE family tomorrow at MOA uli, tapos sana makahabol sa Saguijo for The Ronnies. nasa guest list ako kaya nakakahiya naman kung di ako makakanood. tsaka i really want to hear and experience ENE's performance.
My auntie called yesterday at around 7am, and we talked about what course should i get the next term. hindi na ako mag-MMA, so my 5th course will be Psychology and this time, tatapusin ko na.
they want me to be a lawyer. why not. magaling naman ako magrason. lol
6.09.2007
6.06.2007
Random activities.
went to MOA yesterday. just had dinner and some dessert. timezone bitin. hay.
i was with JM, MAMU, ANNA, JOAL, BUNCHU, TOOKNEY, HONNOH, DUNDUN, and LEEZA. supposedly magsskate pero nagkatamaran na hehehehe. mas nakakapagod nga lang dumaldal at maglibot. ugh.
anyway i watched BABEL last night and medyo 7am na ko natulog kakaiyak. yung mga movie na dapat iwasan mo mag-isa ay million dollar baby, crash tsaka babel. sobra. nakakasabog ng dibdib. gusto kong magblog non pero hindi ko alam kung anong mga words ang dapat kong i-type. sobrang lungkot ko.
the movie is a bit like crash but a little more complex. imagine yourself na nakaecstasy pero bingi ka, seeing others jump to the music tapos ikaw... walang naririnig. your partner dying because of ignorance and negligence then your children having a nightmare of their lives coz of stupidity. tangina. imagine yourself, not understanding the culture, the language... alienated. ugh stop stop stop. ansakit sa dibdib.
anyway i really have to do my laundry tonight. grabe 1 month na akong di naglalaba. andami kong LALABHAN taena.
i was with JM, MAMU, ANNA, JOAL, BUNCHU, TOOKNEY, HONNOH, DUNDUN, and LEEZA. supposedly magsskate pero nagkatamaran na hehehehe. mas nakakapagod nga lang dumaldal at maglibot. ugh.
anyway i watched BABEL last night and medyo 7am na ko natulog kakaiyak. yung mga movie na dapat iwasan mo mag-isa ay million dollar baby, crash tsaka babel. sobra. nakakasabog ng dibdib. gusto kong magblog non pero hindi ko alam kung anong mga words ang dapat kong i-type. sobrang lungkot ko.
the movie is a bit like crash but a little more complex. imagine yourself na nakaecstasy pero bingi ka, seeing others jump to the music tapos ikaw... walang naririnig. your partner dying because of ignorance and negligence then your children having a nightmare of their lives coz of stupidity. tangina. imagine yourself, not understanding the culture, the language... alienated. ugh stop stop stop. ansakit sa dibdib.
anyway i really have to do my laundry tonight. grabe 1 month na akong di naglalaba. andami kong LALABHAN taena.
6.05.2007
whats with MY WAY?
MAY 31 (Pao found it in yahoo and Abhie pasted it on our confe)
MANILA (AFP) - A jobless man was shot dead by a security guard for singing out of tune in a Philippine karaoke bar, police said Thursday.
ADVERTISEMENT
Romy Baligula, 29, was halfway through his song on Tuesday night in a bar in San Mateo town, east of Manila, when 43-year-old security guard Robilito Ortega yelled that he was out of tune.
As Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, Ortega pulled out his revolver and shot him in the chest.
Senior Superintendent Felipe Rojas said Baligula died instantly.
The security guard was detained by an off-duty policeman shortly after the shooting.
Deaths and violence are not uncommon in Philippine karaoke bars.
The popular Frank Sinatra song "My Way" has been taken off many karaoke bars in Manila after it was found to be the cause of fights and even deaths when patrons sang out of tune.
i am now officially FREAKED OUT by this song. andami ng namamatay jan hindi na nakakatawa.
anyway, MOA time na naman. Skate na naman kami (actually, sila lang nagsskate, ayokong tumambling pero what the hell, baka nga masaya). ^_^
MANILA (AFP) - A jobless man was shot dead by a security guard for singing out of tune in a Philippine karaoke bar, police said Thursday.
ADVERTISEMENT
Romy Baligula, 29, was halfway through his song on Tuesday night in a bar in San Mateo town, east of Manila, when 43-year-old security guard Robilito Ortega yelled that he was out of tune.
As Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, Ortega pulled out his revolver and shot him in the chest.
Senior Superintendent Felipe Rojas said Baligula died instantly.
The security guard was detained by an off-duty policeman shortly after the shooting.
Deaths and violence are not uncommon in Philippine karaoke bars.
The popular Frank Sinatra song "My Way" has been taken off many karaoke bars in Manila after it was found to be the cause of fights and even deaths when patrons sang out of tune.
i am now officially FREAKED OUT by this song. andami ng namamatay jan hindi na nakakatawa.
anyway, MOA time na naman. Skate na naman kami (actually, sila lang nagsskate, ayokong tumambling pero what the hell, baka nga masaya). ^_^
twilight zone.
i wasnt really planning on going to mayrics moments ago, but thanks (BIGTIME) to anna, she mad me go there. heehhee.forgive me for the weird typing i had seven bottles of beer. MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN it was crazy.
2005, was the year where i first met the people that i held close to my heart. moments ago, when i saw sherylle anne, i was like WHOA. tehn i hugged her so tight coz GOd knows how much i missed her. then Ria Gamboa was there. Nung una hindi ako lumapit coz i thought di na nya ako natatandaan. we were even swapping friendster messages years ago. sobrang good vibes yun si ria. i will definitely hangout with her often.
nung pumasok na ako ng mayrics... i was SHOCKED. the fact that WAWA, KIMOY, GLADS, MARIELILI, CHUNA, MIGS, PEPPER, RITA, LEA, LIEZEL AND JO WERE ALL THERE! AS IN ALL THERE! sabay tumugtog ang hale ng take no. fuck. feeling ko napunta ako sa dimension na tipong.... tangina... nasan ako? anong taon ngayon? 20 minutes ata bago ko naabsorb that they are all there. nung dumating si DK tsaka GRACIE, ay wala na, kailangan talaga ng pictorial shet. (blog pic courtesy of http://wawawerz.multiply.com)
the fact that ALI, SEVEN, DORINA, ELSA, ANGELI, MONA, BUNCHU, HANNAH, TOOKNEY, ANNABEBI, JOYCE (as in si joyce omg!), TANIA, LUIS, EMY, KAT, KAREN AT MARAMI PANG HALERS, NANDUN PA BESTFRIEND KO, si TRISH, kasama si KAIKA, HANEE, CARLA AND THE HOT BOYFRIEND, ROB. with JM and RYAN, kung andun pa sina MAMU, , LEEZA, LEA, CECIL, CELEST, DON, JAMIE, KRISTINA, SHE AT ACOY maiisip ko kukunin na ako ng diyos at nandun ang lahat ng pinakamamahal ko. yung mga taong sumagip sa katinuan ko. na minsan nga di ko na alam kung pano ko pa mapapakita na sobrang labs ko sila. grabe. tangina ang saya lang.
lalo na nung tinugtog yung UNDERNEATH THE WAVES... san pako lulugar!
she pictures. MAGUUPLOAD AKO DEFINITELY NG PICTURES.
so para lang akong nagdebut. ANG SAYA LORD SANA MAKITA KO SILA LAGI. (ay lasing involved pa si lord.)
P.S. to Jo, thanks sa postcard. sobrang thanks. ^_^
6.03.2007
Sabi nga ni Sean Paul
get busy daw. sus ang slow.
hemmingway, yesterday was sooo tiringly fucked up. hindi ako nakahabol sa trinoma because of the friggin traffic at sa insidenteng gumuho ang stage don. so from house to trinoma to eastwood, 350 ang cabfare ko. i have to go to eastwood kasi maraming paguusapan. *sigh* this year is one of the worst years of my life, next to the year when my dad passed away. after that saguijo, tapos nandun na sina rico, jm, al, isang, ryan, rae, dinno, jeff, and ivan. ansaya sobra. andun din si deeks. masaya at nagbbloom hahaha.
*wait champ on the phone*
anyway, di raw sha makakasama. church sila ng 6, dinner then movie. basta bahala na. so may MOA kami later to ice skate, mayrics tomorrow, and fantastic four with janna and erika the next day.
its pretty tiring. and i am absolute that i need going out. ^_^ namiss ko yung ganito.
hemmingway, yesterday was sooo tiringly fucked up. hindi ako nakahabol sa trinoma because of the friggin traffic at sa insidenteng gumuho ang stage don. so from house to trinoma to eastwood, 350 ang cabfare ko. i have to go to eastwood kasi maraming paguusapan. *sigh* this year is one of the worst years of my life, next to the year when my dad passed away. after that saguijo, tapos nandun na sina rico, jm, al, isang, ryan, rae, dinno, jeff, and ivan. ansaya sobra. andun din si deeks. masaya at nagbbloom hahaha.
*wait champ on the phone*
anyway, di raw sha makakasama. church sila ng 6, dinner then movie. basta bahala na. so may MOA kami later to ice skate, mayrics tomorrow, and fantastic four with janna and erika the next day.
its pretty tiring. and i am absolute that i need going out. ^_^ namiss ko yung ganito.
salita "lang"?
akala ng lahat madali lang magsalita. kaya nga usually, padalos dalos lang tayo. kasi yung pambawi, akala rin natin, salita lang. gasgas na rin yung sa salita AT sa gawa. hindi na gumagana yun nowadays.
minsan din, iniisip ng lahat na panahon lang ang makakaayos ng mga bagay bagay na nasisira. sa pagkakaalam ko, ang panahon kasi, gumagana lang pag may nasimulan na. yun yung tipong, magiisip yung nasaktan, kung dapat ba talagang patawarin. sabi naman, bilang katoliko, matuto tayong magpatawad. totoo naman e. pero hindi naman binanggit na ang dapat matutunan, ay yung makita at maramdaman natin na taus puso yung paghingi ng tawad. hindi yung pagmukhain nating tanga yung sarili natin or matutunan na lang na maging masokista.
kung marunong talaga tayong magmahal, bilang kapatid, kaibigan or "better half"... dapat alam natin yung mga salitang iingatan natin. hindi yung mga salitang aabusuhin. kasi minsan, limang letra man ang salitang "sorry", marami pang salita ang kadugtong nyan kapalit ng sagot sa mga tanong. at siguraduhin natin, na alam natin, kung bakit tayo nanghihingi ng tawad. hindi dahil nasaktan natin sila, kundi dahil sa kung bakit natin nagawa yung nakasakit dun sa tao. kasi pag sinagot natin ng ewan, sigurado, mauulit lang yon.
pag tumatanda ka na, madali ka ng mapagod. nakakatakot yun. yung tipong pagod na ang tenga mo makinig sa mga salita, pagod na yung mata mo kakaiyak, pagod na yung puso mong magpatawad, at pagod na ang kabuuan mo kakahintay ng sagot. at ang mga salitang maririnig, mababasa, at mararamdaman, tumatagos sa kaluluwa. at mas hindi nakakalimutan.
minsan din, iniisip ng lahat na panahon lang ang makakaayos ng mga bagay bagay na nasisira. sa pagkakaalam ko, ang panahon kasi, gumagana lang pag may nasimulan na. yun yung tipong, magiisip yung nasaktan, kung dapat ba talagang patawarin. sabi naman, bilang katoliko, matuto tayong magpatawad. totoo naman e. pero hindi naman binanggit na ang dapat matutunan, ay yung makita at maramdaman natin na taus puso yung paghingi ng tawad. hindi yung pagmukhain nating tanga yung sarili natin or matutunan na lang na maging masokista.
kung marunong talaga tayong magmahal, bilang kapatid, kaibigan or "better half"... dapat alam natin yung mga salitang iingatan natin. hindi yung mga salitang aabusuhin. kasi minsan, limang letra man ang salitang "sorry", marami pang salita ang kadugtong nyan kapalit ng sagot sa mga tanong. at siguraduhin natin, na alam natin, kung bakit tayo nanghihingi ng tawad. hindi dahil nasaktan natin sila, kundi dahil sa kung bakit natin nagawa yung nakasakit dun sa tao. kasi pag sinagot natin ng ewan, sigurado, mauulit lang yon.
pag tumatanda ka na, madali ka ng mapagod. nakakatakot yun. yung tipong pagod na ang tenga mo makinig sa mga salita, pagod na yung mata mo kakaiyak, pagod na yung puso mong magpatawad, at pagod na ang kabuuan mo kakahintay ng sagot. at ang mga salitang maririnig, mababasa, at mararamdaman, tumatagos sa kaluluwa. at mas hindi nakakalimutan.
6.01.2007
two weeks.
its the first of June. and so far, it has been so bad, ive been spacing out all day in front of my friends.
at exactly 12mn, i was starting to think that i really should run away. away from a place where nobody knows me. that i wont need an internet account, cellphone, or anything that my past could reach me.
my sister and her family will be heading south to live there. and it breaks my heart to know that i cant cry and walk to their house anymore. wala na akong iiyakan. ang layo na. i cant imagine myself looking so sluggish and soaked up in tears inside an fx going to their house somewhere in paranaque. she actually offered me to live with them for the meantime since she knew that me being alone could trigger the worst thing that ive done for how many times. im planning to get my own place if i start working on a call center or somewhere decent and start over. back to square one wow.
i am a crybaby. i always feel like im a failure. it changed when i had cheche in my life. she was my strength, my self-esteem, my whole self. i really am nowhere without her. i was too dependent and secured. just to realize that i shouldnt be.
i promised that i wont write anything about her anymore. i am actually hesitant on bringing the topic up. im so sorry for the disappointed readers and if you cant take it anymore, feel free to delete me as your contact, and i wont hold it against you. i know its getting too tiring and believe me, i would love to stop myself but then again, im such a weakling, i cant help to write this in my journal. i just cant pretend that im all well with whats happening inside me. its eating me up.
the past 2 weeks were okay. i was a bit surprised to face her like nothing had happened. i still get worried when i know shes still out while the rain is pouring heavily. coz of gabby, i was with her for almost every night. and everytime i see her like nothing is wrong, seeing her smile, her eyes... i always feel like theres nothing wrong. i want to hug her and cuddle her while watching tv, make her cook something for me, and all at the same time, it hurts me. because i cant do those things anymore.
im always sleepless coz i think of her.
the past two weeks were a grand denial stage. i literally distract myself of finding anything to do, post, watch, read and i-dont-know-what anymore. its like you have this really thumping headache then you had some painkiller... like you dont really squirm from the pain anymore but you know that the pain is still there, waiting for the drug to come off.
i always ask her questions about you-know-who and i always find the answers disappointing. i want her to be right. i want her to go on with it. i want the pain to just hit me right at my face so i would actually finally feel that thrusting pain once and for all. ive always felt uninformed about what's REALLY happening and her answers do not support what ive read or seen. i am so stupid to do these things. eh hindi rin naman pala ako maniniwala. so im not making any sense. and i know im not making any sense. thats what hurts me. coz i know im just riding a carousel, mundane, nauseating and NOT thrilling.
aaminin ko, the past couple of weeks, umaasa akong magiging maayos kami. umasa akong may ipopost ako rito sa blog ko na patunay kung gaano ako katanga. minsan, yung galit na nararamdaman mo sa kanya, pinipilit mong maging valid. pinipilit mo yung sarili mong magkadahilan dahil alam mo kung ano ang DAPAT mong maramdaman sa mga nangyari. pero alam mo naman, alam nating lahat, na gugustuhin mong masaktan ng paulit-ulit, balikan ka lang. na kaya mong kalimutan ang sakit, tiisin ang mga bangungot, ang takot na mangyari uli, maramdaman mo lang na nandyan lang sila sa tabi mo. at hindi maikukumapara ang mga tulog mo gabi-gabi kahit takot ka, kasi kahit niloloko mo ang sarili mo, pakiramdam mo sayo lang sya.
pero sumuko na ako. :( sobrang sakit man at hirap ng nararamdaman ko ngayon, mas matatamisin ko namang sumaya na lang siya sa iba kesa pilitin nya yung sarili nyang kumbinsihin na ako pa rin ang mahal nya. kahit alam ko talaga na hindi na. kahit sabihin pa nya ng paulit ulit, na dapat akong maniwala, alam ko talaga na hindi na. kasi kung mahal nya ako, hindi na dapat umabot sa ganito. :~~~~~(
nalulungkot ako kasi hiniling ko talaga sya sa diyos. naalala ko yung araw na nasa simbahan ako. na sana makita ko na yung taong makakasama ko habangbuhay. yung hindi magsasawang mahalin ako. tapos nagising na lang ako na sya pala yun. akala ko sya yun. akala ko.
yun pala, yung mga bagay na hindi nya sinasabi sa akin na hindi okay sa kanya, gagamitin nya lang para wala na akong masabi. para masabing tama lang yung nangyari. that i deserve to dwell on this kind of hurt. na dapat, maintindihan ko kung ano ang napapagdaanan ko kasi napagdaanan nya na raw to.
how could you actually defend yourself from something that escaped your memory a long time ago? i find it unfair. at wala na akong lakas para ipagtanggol pa ang sarili ko. kasi mas gusto ko nang may dahilan kung bakit ako nasasaktan kesa nangangapa ako sa dilim. kahit hindi ko na alam kung tama o mali yung dahilan, kung mali talaga ang mga nagawa ko, aakuin ko na lang. para makaramdam pa ako. marami rin naman akong problema. pero pinilit kong balewalain kasi nandyan sya sa tabi ko. again, shes my strength. at ngayong kailangan ko ng bumitaw, haharapin ko na lang to lahat ng mag-isa.
and because of that thought, masakit isipin na ang kakapitang ama ng pinakamagandang anghel na nabuhay sa mundo, eh mas mahina pa sa bulok na kahoy. kaya hanggang ngayon, i will pretend na kaya ko lahat, para kay gabby. ayokong ipakita sa kanya lahat ng pagsisisi ko.
june 1 na. papatapos na ang taon. ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong uri ng lungkot at takot sa pasko. at sa mga susunod pang araw.
at exactly 12mn, i was starting to think that i really should run away. away from a place where nobody knows me. that i wont need an internet account, cellphone, or anything that my past could reach me.
my sister and her family will be heading south to live there. and it breaks my heart to know that i cant cry and walk to their house anymore. wala na akong iiyakan. ang layo na. i cant imagine myself looking so sluggish and soaked up in tears inside an fx going to their house somewhere in paranaque. she actually offered me to live with them for the meantime since she knew that me being alone could trigger the worst thing that ive done for how many times. im planning to get my own place if i start working on a call center or somewhere decent and start over. back to square one wow.
i am a crybaby. i always feel like im a failure. it changed when i had cheche in my life. she was my strength, my self-esteem, my whole self. i really am nowhere without her. i was too dependent and secured. just to realize that i shouldnt be.
i promised that i wont write anything about her anymore. i am actually hesitant on bringing the topic up. im so sorry for the disappointed readers and if you cant take it anymore, feel free to delete me as your contact, and i wont hold it against you. i know its getting too tiring and believe me, i would love to stop myself but then again, im such a weakling, i cant help to write this in my journal. i just cant pretend that im all well with whats happening inside me. its eating me up.
the past 2 weeks were okay. i was a bit surprised to face her like nothing had happened. i still get worried when i know shes still out while the rain is pouring heavily. coz of gabby, i was with her for almost every night. and everytime i see her like nothing is wrong, seeing her smile, her eyes... i always feel like theres nothing wrong. i want to hug her and cuddle her while watching tv, make her cook something for me, and all at the same time, it hurts me. because i cant do those things anymore.
im always sleepless coz i think of her.
the past two weeks were a grand denial stage. i literally distract myself of finding anything to do, post, watch, read and i-dont-know-what anymore. its like you have this really thumping headache then you had some painkiller... like you dont really squirm from the pain anymore but you know that the pain is still there, waiting for the drug to come off.
i always ask her questions about you-know-who and i always find the answers disappointing. i want her to be right. i want her to go on with it. i want the pain to just hit me right at my face so i would actually finally feel that thrusting pain once and for all. ive always felt uninformed about what's REALLY happening and her answers do not support what ive read or seen. i am so stupid to do these things. eh hindi rin naman pala ako maniniwala. so im not making any sense. and i know im not making any sense. thats what hurts me. coz i know im just riding a carousel, mundane, nauseating and NOT thrilling.
aaminin ko, the past couple of weeks, umaasa akong magiging maayos kami. umasa akong may ipopost ako rito sa blog ko na patunay kung gaano ako katanga. minsan, yung galit na nararamdaman mo sa kanya, pinipilit mong maging valid. pinipilit mo yung sarili mong magkadahilan dahil alam mo kung ano ang DAPAT mong maramdaman sa mga nangyari. pero alam mo naman, alam nating lahat, na gugustuhin mong masaktan ng paulit-ulit, balikan ka lang. na kaya mong kalimutan ang sakit, tiisin ang mga bangungot, ang takot na mangyari uli, maramdaman mo lang na nandyan lang sila sa tabi mo. at hindi maikukumapara ang mga tulog mo gabi-gabi kahit takot ka, kasi kahit niloloko mo ang sarili mo, pakiramdam mo sayo lang sya.
pero sumuko na ako. :( sobrang sakit man at hirap ng nararamdaman ko ngayon, mas matatamisin ko namang sumaya na lang siya sa iba kesa pilitin nya yung sarili nyang kumbinsihin na ako pa rin ang mahal nya. kahit alam ko talaga na hindi na. kahit sabihin pa nya ng paulit ulit, na dapat akong maniwala, alam ko talaga na hindi na. kasi kung mahal nya ako, hindi na dapat umabot sa ganito. :~~~~~(
nalulungkot ako kasi hiniling ko talaga sya sa diyos. naalala ko yung araw na nasa simbahan ako. na sana makita ko na yung taong makakasama ko habangbuhay. yung hindi magsasawang mahalin ako. tapos nagising na lang ako na sya pala yun. akala ko sya yun. akala ko.
yun pala, yung mga bagay na hindi nya sinasabi sa akin na hindi okay sa kanya, gagamitin nya lang para wala na akong masabi. para masabing tama lang yung nangyari. that i deserve to dwell on this kind of hurt. na dapat, maintindihan ko kung ano ang napapagdaanan ko kasi napagdaanan nya na raw to.
how could you actually defend yourself from something that escaped your memory a long time ago? i find it unfair. at wala na akong lakas para ipagtanggol pa ang sarili ko. kasi mas gusto ko nang may dahilan kung bakit ako nasasaktan kesa nangangapa ako sa dilim. kahit hindi ko na alam kung tama o mali yung dahilan, kung mali talaga ang mga nagawa ko, aakuin ko na lang. para makaramdam pa ako. marami rin naman akong problema. pero pinilit kong balewalain kasi nandyan sya sa tabi ko. again, shes my strength. at ngayong kailangan ko ng bumitaw, haharapin ko na lang to lahat ng mag-isa.
and because of that thought, masakit isipin na ang kakapitang ama ng pinakamagandang anghel na nabuhay sa mundo, eh mas mahina pa sa bulok na kahoy. kaya hanggang ngayon, i will pretend na kaya ko lahat, para kay gabby. ayokong ipakita sa kanya lahat ng pagsisisi ko.
june 1 na. papatapos na ang taon. ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong uri ng lungkot at takot sa pasko. at sa mga susunod pang araw.
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