Right.

I have this story to tell.

When i was younger, around 16 i guess, i was dreaming of this person who could make me feel... real. myself. more of that. i was actually trying to find the best person i could grow old with. and then, you know how time goes by, things eventually change. principles. philosophies.

And so i decided, i really should be the right person instead rather than looking for the right person for me. Because, as time passes by, i realized that i dont even know how to categorize a person as the right one. i mean, i dont even know how to be right myself.

Until ive met some life-changing people. And i thought, by them, i could learn who i really am. i had all the worst characteristics spewing out of me. i became selfish, self-absorbed, and i learned how to act like i dont care. because, by that, i saved my sanity.

and so i thought.

i still had a lot of questions. a LOT. and i kept it inside me, because i can feel i KNOW the answers. i know whats right and wrong, but the choices that i make doesnt go well with the right. you get what i mean?

i hate to be dramatic but sometimes at night, i always think of the right one to make me learn to choose the right choice. but then again, i saw myself when i was 16. so its like this peculiar memory. where ive been daydreaming, hopeful but unsettled. do you know that kind of feeling when you EXACTLY know all the words to say but when your mouth tries to deliver it, its suddenly gone. not gone like its not there anymore but its just... inside your head. and you cant get it out. thats why nobody knows whats bothering me. because, its just stuck inside my head. stuck like a piece of something between your molars. you actually know its there, but you dont know what it is. all you know about it is its annoying and irritating. and you... cant get it out.

so you need a toothpick or... a floss.

there comes a time in your life where you have EVERYTHING around you... but you cant find a fuckin thing thats close to being a toothpick. crazy. and it ticks the hell out of you.

we wait, so they say. we wait for the right time, blah blah. but is it pathetic to say... i need it NOW. i cant wait because i need it RIGHT NOW. and then you seem to have no choice but to be irritable and uneasy while "waiting" for the right time. to find a toothpick, that is.

and you know how this crazy world works. when you need it the most... its not there. no matter how you try... it will still NOT be there.

until i end up, having almost everything around me, perfect things that i KNOW i need, but... its not a toothpick.

not even close.