Re-mastering Heartache.

Moving on has always been a not-an-overnighter-phase kind of a thing.

I remembered that I hated older people who say "You're still young, we can't explain this fully now but we bet you'll be understanding this as soon as you grow up." Now I'm asking myself, when is that going to happen? "Growing up" has been painfully gradual, and gradually painful all at the same time.

Emotions have always been the weakest point of anybody who has a heart. Humans, according to extraterrestrials on movies, are weak because of it. It has never been featured as anyone's strength, but I seriously think it's both. Love is one hell of a tree trunk with a LOT of branches. Trust, passion, understanding, patience and anything virtuous you could think about. Until, we drown on it, and cross the boundary drawn as a very thin line to patheticville leading to psycholand. Getting back to normaltown isn't as easy as we imagine it to be. But at least, we know, somehow, we could get back to being normal.

It is a vicious cycle as we grow up. It just takes some pondering and waking up, in order for us to notice that the mistakes we make are patterned, if not, made up (that's if, you have some serious issues. Glad that we have doctors for it these days). Or we could pretend that we do not magnify little things because everybody nowadays has trust issues.

Getting hurt by it, is almost the same as going to a battlefield. We dodge bullets, if not, bombs. Some people give up, trying to settle because of the scare, or not taking the risk for safety reasons, some people fight until they got blown up, and some people go home, looking as new as how they came at first, hiding the scars, getting ready for the next battle. I say those are really brave people, if not, really dumb.

So during our rest days from codependency, do we really emphasize the fact that there are a lot of fishes in the sea? Because technically, lets say if we are really fishing, do we become idealistic about the fish we are anticipating to grab our bait? or should I say, we just, you know, settle for a big trout? (If you weren't expecting a trout as I may say). Because in the seas, we strongly feel giddy about getting a fish we actually never expect. In real life, we reject the fish. The fish that we want could be a liar, an asshole, and insensitively inconsiderate. But why do we subconsciously want that? Hence paragraph 4.

I will be getting a year older 4 days from now. I can't say I have grown up. I am still sitting on a plastic horse, going up and down, as mundane as it could get. That I may look like I do not care, but it still gets me. Hurting, I mean, but not on an emo basis. Just hurting. Like what you feel when you have a 3-day gash, plastered. May not hurt but you don't want to have it touched. I am fine though, thanks, in case you're asking. I know, that some are not.

Getting older does not mean you'll get numb. It just means you will know how to ease the pain.

Sucks.

Oh and P.S., it doesn't matter who did what, and who did who, the hurter and the hurtee actually feel pain even if they are not on the same level. Dwelling like a victim is actually less painful than bearing the guilt of the hurtee. It just takes YOU not to be one.

And P.S.S., I just made myself as an example. Generally, I am happy and contented. It just so happened that there are a lot of people experiencing the complexities of life nowadays. I give my cutout wishing star to you.