holy cow

well. last black saturady, we went to jonie's house at alabang. iko, diane, wine and ron were also there. just thought of staying overnight and swimming can kill my boredom. and it did. it was such a fun day for us. sayang nga lang at di kami nakadaan sa ukay ukay ng metropolis. i hafta go ng 6 am of sunday. i cooked spaghetti and uminom kami ng emperador tsaka red horse. nyahahahahaahaha. gustong tamaan at makatipid. hayan. di tuloy nila natapos ang kill bill.

so nagising nako ng mga uh... 8pm. walang magawa so i just watched lotr 2 and 3 sa dvd and school of rock. effect: migraine.

monday: supposedly may exam ako sa uh.. somewhere in buendia. di ko alam yung company e. pero shempre, legacy ko na ang indianin ang mga ganyan. kumain na lang ako ng pizza. mas masaya. :)

halo.

well, it has been the start of a boring week. got used to it anyway. good thing cable tv were discovered. before, u do not have any choice but to reflect, repent and be holy. haven't been a good kid anyway. ive tried being nice but the world doesn't need one. so the hell with it. i don't wanna be like almost everyone else who cries for all the so-called sin during this season then afterwards, they were asking for a salvation. to boracay's sun.

went to rob place to meet up kit, abhie and rico. uh... they'll be having their lenten vacation so they need some uh... urban memories. and me, haven't decided if im going to baguio or not. so, the lenten couch potato rises again from its ashes.

btw, cant find a way to have a better learning of anger mangement. its so hard to suppress annoyance. some people just dont know how to deal with situations, or issues. super manhid sabi nga. and fuuuuuccccckkkkk!!!!!!!!! nakakagigil! ang hirap magtiis. nakakabobo na rin at times. siguro ito na ang pinakamatinding penitensya ko. to be more patient.

im tired.
im annoyed.
im stupid.

...

bored.

teeth torture.

ive lost track of time. palm sunday just arrived and where am i... mall. such a good shepherd. my mom and my sister read my book. my sister drained her eyes while im eating and my mom went upstairs and locked herself inside her room. funny. never thought they would have the interest of investing emotions upon reading it.

and the following hours, ive been asked impossible questions by them. father issues, rebel without a cause topics, yadda yadda... sigh.. they have never knew the real me. but im okay with that. i expected that anyway.

oh. the depression guru knocked my door thrice last night. never mind about the details. at least i saw a big spider on the cabinet door, i got the fly swatter instead of thinking about insecticides. thought i got over of being a suicidal. but yeah. guess i graduated.

and my braces is killing me. no need to induce pain. its so involuntary, id like to remove every single bracket that i have. i cant eat a chip properly. ron said i seemed like i had a stroke or sumthin. hafta to put the food in the back molar so i can chew it without hurting myself. braces = stupidity

migraine. heartburn. depression. i cant fit this in one sentence or id rather crucify myself this week. metaphorically speaking.

tech pen.

di ba nakakahiya sa sarili ang kainin ang lahat ng isinumpang sinigurado mo na, lima o higit pang taon na ang nakaraan? dahil nung mga panahong iyon o magpa-hanggang ngayon, paninindigan at puso ang tanging magkalaban.

paano mo maipapaliwanag ang pagbabago ng pangyayari sa buhay mo na alam mo kailanma'y hindi mo hiniling. na kahit mas makulay pala sa panibagong pahina ay nangangamba ka pa ring buklatin. baka hindi ka na kasi bumalik sa mga lumang kabanata. sana ang puso parang plumang nililok sa plastic. kung kailangan mo ng bagong kulay, palit lang ng tinta. sana ganun lang ka-simple. walang minutong masasayang sa pagaksyon.

at kasabay ng mga luhang nagmumula sa kaluluwa, ibang kulay na rin ang iniluluha ng pluma. mga titik ng tanong kung kasalanan ba ng sarili ang magmahal muli. ng di sinasadya. ng wala kang intensyong makasakit. makatapak. bakit ba kasi nilikha ang pagsisisi? napakahirap namang ibigay sa ibang tao at sa sarili.

hanggang ngayon, walang sinuman ang nakakaalam kung bakit traydor ang puso. na pilit mo mang hatiin, kasalanan pala ang isipin ang sariling kasiyahan. kahit saan larangan tingnan. at kahit magkaiba ang kahulugan ng pagmamahal ng isa sa isa ikaw lang ang tanging makakaalam ng sagot na di na naisusulat pa sa papel. o naibubulalas ng bibig. dahil walang makakaintindi. walang lunas.

dahil ang mundong ito ay nababalot ng bulag na kaipokritohan. masabi lang na malinis ang kanya kanyang sarili, gagawa ng sariling tama at mali.

wag ng magsalita. isulat na lang. para wala na silang pagkakataong makapagbigay ng opinyong pambura lamang sa pagkakakilala mo sa kanila.

the headphone tragedy

well, all the atms in rob place are offline. i forgot to get my money the night before and that is why i did not go to my dentist. sa sunday na lang daw ako susukatan and sa monday ang dreadful whole day affair. linis, pasta and braces. all at the same day. torture.

so me and iko planned of watching a movie but instead, i waited for wine coz he said he'll be coming. and iko's going to his former classmate's graduation. wine and i just roamed around, looked for cds and what did i get? a 1,120Php headphone. it looked so good i bought without batting an eyelash. and when we got home, i tested it right away and i wasn't satisfied with panasonic's digitally compatible gadget. kulang sa lakas. sounded so mono.

i bought it at around uh... 7pm and 3pm of today, it's broken. i don't know what the hell it's made of... the point is, it's broken. i was just using it the old fashioned way. plug it in the gadgy, put it in your head, try to adjust to have the right fit. nothing violent, nothing kiddish. and the next thing i know, it's broken.

so i have to go to the mall again, battle with traffic, the heat and the dust, and face those wrongly made-up salesladies. if they looked for a pink scented receipt, create an excuse just to avoid the hassle of replacing the broken item i stupidly bought and re-adjust their inventories, i will get a yellow page directory and start looking for three letters. capitals DTI.

yogart

ive borrowed iko's yoga book and tried practicing it after waking up. and jeezus christ, i think i have to remove my backbone or,, guess my skeletal system just to get what they were doing. weird postures. i feel like i have to bathe myself with boiling water and add some pechay to be that flexible. i cant even touch the floor without bending my knees. yoga instructor frekazoids.

uh... checked my ygroups. well, it's good that some of the listers liked my rain song version. it was really really really fun and flattering.

have to go to the mall now. ill check if i can buy adidas jog pants and running shoes so i can start burning myself. god summer na. di na naman ako makakapagshorts and sando sa beach. damn.

oh and one yehey for me. my credit card is now activated again. *swipe addiction alert*