Fuck You.

let me count the fucking ways.

fuck you coz you are one of them.
fuck you coz you're a fake
fuck you coz you are a pig and a sheep
fuck you coz u dont know what im trying to give you
fuck you coz i made my heart open
fuck you coz i never imagined you would take it for granted
fuck you coz u think you're ALL GOOD
fuck you coz u think youre special
fuck you coz i made myself available for you
fuck you coz you make me expect
fuck you coz u make me wait
fuck you coz YOU ARE FUCKING ONE OF THOSE FUCKING MORONS WHO JUST FUCK AROUND THEN FUCKING LIE!

fuck you coz u made me fall
fuck you coz i wasnt EVEN expecting you to catch me but you added on the pain by stepping on my heart
fuck you coz u still manage to read this
fuck you coz you know im weak
fuck you coz youre not making me sleep
fuck you coz you make me shed tears i havent seen for years
fuck you coz i met you
fuck you coz you broke me
fuck you coz you're there

and shit i wanted to hurt you but i couldnt. coz i still fucking feel i couldnt.

and im fucking too old for this. but wow you made me young all over again..

 

pako.

patuloy kong nililinlang ang katahamikan. hinahayaang dalhin ng hangin ang bawat pagkukusang hindi kailanman umasa ng sukli. hindi na paglimot ang tawag. kasinungalingan na. dahil patuloy pa ring pinatotohanan ng sakit at munting mga kirot ang hinahatid mong alaala na binura sa pamamagitan ng lupa, ngunit ninanamnam pa rin ang sugat na patuloy mong sasalingin.

nananadya ka ba? o ako na ang gumagawa nito? pero sabi nga... na ang mga sagot sa buhay ay nasa mga pinakasimpleng bagay. dinadaya ko pa rin ang aking pagiisip maipagtanggol ko lang ang iyong pagkatao. na hindi mo magagawa yan. malamang sadya nga. at pagod na akong sumalo sa mga luhang hindi na dapat akin.

gumuguhit lang ang usok kasabay ng mga salitang hindi lumabas sa kabila kong tenga. at hanggang sa loob pinahirapan mo ako. magbibitaw ng mga pangakong alam ng diyos na hindi mo paninindigan. na laging paniniwalaan, kahit walang rason para sandalan ang paniniwalang yon.

dadayain ng ngiti sa bawat kasalubong ka. dadaanin sa tawa ang mga patawa mong hindi nakakapagpasaya. isa na lang ang dapat kong payungan... ang sarili kong patuloy kong pinabayaan wag ka lang maulanan. wag lang mabasa ang mga pisngi mo. kalokohan. isang MATINDING kalokohan.

on hangovers, lost and shallowness

i threw up gazillion times. this very bad hangover is killing me. oh well. gotta eat more chocolates.

watched LOST's latest episode. god dude. GOD!

i know u hate spoilers. but i cant wait to let this all out.

ok so michael went on with his chatting with walt. there were rumors that there is a second hatch. coz walt couldve not just picked up an "apple" from a tree. (u get that, huh huh? "apple" like that laptop? apple the brand? wasnt funny? ... fuck u!) fuck that. i mean... there cant be hatches and hatches. since the writers are a bit psychotic,,, they should explore their weird imagination to do something creepier than that. like the monster. i was expecting a creepier creature but.. yeah the black smoke will do. i had goosebumps when it "stared" (apparently... it has no pair of eyes) at eko. IN HIS FACE. shit that, man, shit. it didnt touch eko. maybe.. they were both... black? oh you smoke you. you should stop hurting the whites then. discriminative monster.

it's eko's flashback, this episode (i sounded like yoda there). and just when i thought that that plane in season 1 with all the mama mary coated heroin was just a small twist for charlie. BUT NO. it was eko's past. and what's it doin there.

i was kinda expecting more of kate and jack on that episode but *sigh*. 3 minute appearances lang.

anyhoo... i should eat my lunch by now. i squeezed out my guts the whole morning coz of what we had last night. alkohol alkohol alkohol. utak moy buhul buhol.

**********



sabi ng kabarkada ni jon kagabi habang nagpapatugtog ako ng vindicated tska helena... "EMO IS GAY". sabi ko.. then so be it. feeling mo lalakeng lalake ka pakshet.

drunk and broken.

yeah. im drunk and having my most vulnerable state.

oh shit. stop playing games with me. i fuckin know that ur just playing. u fuckshit. i am tired of you playing around. and i dunno why im lettin u.

i have a life. u just dont crash back IN MY LIFE then make me think im a horrible person. that im the one who "fascinated" you. that im the one breaking u.

coz fuckshit... ITS THE OTHER WAY AROUND!

yeah, u know what i am. i always let you. and u know im that stupid when it's you that were talkin about.

oh shit im nauseous. i cant even type the proper way. fuck u fuck u.

fiesta

tangina hindi pako nautulog. i was downloading LOST and antagal kong nagintay. hanggang sa.. nung natapos... hindi yun yung file. SHET!

at ngayon di nako makatulog dahil fiesta. ang VIDEOKE MACHINE NG KAPITBAHAY NAMIN AY NASA TAPAT NG KAWRTO KO! at may kumakanta ng til my heartaches end ng pangapat na beses na. hindi nya alam ang song mga kaibigan. ewan ko kung ano ginagawa nya.

mamaya nako magpopost ng matino. dahil BUANG na ako rito.

[none]

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

HAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHAAHAHJAHJAHasldkfnasdk;lfA;LKDFJ;ALKDJF;LASKDJFASDFASDFAHFMNGHGSHHGHSYG

isang mabilisang hinga lang.

ok ok.

my house of cards is falling gently. although ive got my queen. wish i could get over this phase. umpisa ng taon sabay ganito.

anyway... jan 11 is my dads death anniversary. so its like a one weird family reuninon again since sa mismong house namin sila pupunta. all of my pamangkins, pinsan and aunts/uncles had dinner. here sa magulo kong bahay.

until my auntie was really excited about somthing na hindi ko gaanong narinig since nagtitimpla ako ng iced tea. and since hindi ako nakapagreact... tumayo sha sa table, lumapit sa akin at inulit ang kwento.

auntie: "huy.. nakabili nako ng lote!!!"
ako: "lote? lupa ba yun? *taka* para saan? bahay mo na naman?"
auntie: "para satin. sa may heritage. sa the fort?"
ako: "heritage? *wide smile* village? subdivision?"
auntie: "ano ka ba. yung cemetery sa the fort. *yakking endlessly and i spaced out myself UNTIL that statement*"

AKO!: O_o

ako: "teka teka? ano to dark comedy?" *laughs awkwardly*
auntie: "para kang tanga. shempre dapat paghandaan na natin yan no!" *punta uli sa table* ... ay nako ang ganda ng place! alam mo ba may lupa din si korina dun na 3.3 million pesos!"
ako: *hatid ng pitsel sa table* ay. dapat ba tayong maexcite lahat?
*all eyes ON me* ... *silence*
auntie: "anu ka ba. may hill dun tapos pang anim na tao yung lupa natin! may maliit na sapa.. tapos OVERLOOKING! pag nov 1 may mga activities dun like fishing competition, trick or treating.. grabe masaya don *smiles so wide making it ALL REAL*"
pinsan ko: "aanhin mo naman ang activities eh patay na tayo!"
auntie: "malay mo bang may activities pa rin ang mga ghosts?!"
tito ronnie: "gaano naman kalaki yang lupa na yan? baka naman ilagay tayong nakatayo jan?"
auntie: "pang anim kaya. meron din tayong space para sa mga iccremate. ay. *ponders* hindi naman siguro tayo sabay sabay na mamamatay noh?"
ako: O_o
ako uli: "OK! this IS FREAKING ME OUT!"
auntie: "ano ka ba! dapat talaga meron na tayong ganyan! maganda kaya yung place.. *repeats everything ALL OVER again*

hindi ako nakakain. AT naka react.

i just cant believe may lugar nako.. sa sementeryo. oh my god. its not really funny at all.