forty four sunsets

i churn everytime your memory brushes in the back of my head.
because i seriously dont want to think about you anymore. believe me,
im not a big fan of bitterness. its just that theres this part of me
that has been dying to burn since you left me unnoticed. i also try to
freudly psychoanalyze what has happened and now i just embraced the
fact that there are a lot of things that shouldnt be lingering around
my head anymore. thank god for sanity.

were there any dreams shattered? coz the entrails of my heart
believed that i never encouraged plans with you. although i hoped for
the best that this would never end. i am always wounded, not that i
overevaluate things, but i just sense a pattern that maybe... some
things are really not meant for me. happiness is a very big word, trust
me. and i noticed that i am the type that was caught between being the
small-things-could-make-me-happy kind to being the uncontented.

...at ang jacket mong nabubulok sa sulok, na inaalikabok na sa lungkot... as
ebe dancel sings in my player... i thought of.. what the fuck, this is
not highschool. i am not gonna go sappy over a song out of being
nostalgic or whatever that is. it creeped all over my nerves, heart
goes heavy, and i try to stop my tears to fall. but i couldnt. coz in
every corner of this room are all of your little things that i couldnt
make myself gather and throw away. not that i expect for you to come
back and go pretend that everything will be alright by then.

it will never be alright.

coz no matter how beautiful this sunset is in front me.. no matter
how many kites fly around the pink and purple sky, no matter how long i
try to hold on that image that my heart could not contain... it will
still end. and maybe theres the big possibility of tomorrow's sunrise..
but the kites that flew, the sky that mid-afternoon, and the perfect warmth
of the sunset that very instance... will never ever be the same.

though i would be wishing for forty-four sunsets just to make myself
hold on to that surreal moment.. something tells.. that will never ever
be granted.

a perfect sunday.

the fact that i didnt get enough sleep (4 hours), thought that id be grumpy the whole day. i kinda put myself under pressure in making my UpDharmaDown album review since i have to submit it today coz itll be in the first issue. (YAY!) i was half awake haf asleep at around 530am and my weird self caught myself riding a cab goin to taft to get a bacon lettuce and tomato bunwich. then i focused on my article again, compressing it to one page trying to get all its juicy contents. submitted it to our editor mad abril, then fell asleep again at around 9am. but before that i called champ kung tuloy ba kami mamaya sa may baywalk. he said 3pm pa raw set nila eh andun din pala yung SOP performance nila. dun lang sa tapat naka setup yung stage. pft.

so nagkita kami ni anna then went straight to that coca cola event with hale. (at ang ay nagma-fan kay ace. haha.) kikomachine and orange n'lemons were there too. were matched with robbie maninquil and tawa kami ng tawa nung fashion show kasi tumigil pa si robbie sa harap nya then smiled so big. nagsquidball, dirty ice cream (omg paula was there too. miss her much. oh claire. where are you?) enjoyed diet coke and that oh-so-good pepperoni thin crust backstage. then champ dropped us off sa macapagal church so mamu, ate mel, joal, , , and i could attend mass. *sigh* ang ganda ng sunset. sobrang perfect nung afternoon.

then we had dinner somewhere in baclaran (g squared ata. parang dampa.) and ate A LOT. 4 big plates of shrimps, 2 crab plates, liempo, baked tahong, ugh. i have never been that full since january's fiesta. hinatid nila ako sa may amin afterwards. i love you mamu!!! :D (daming pics pero next time na)

then pag-uwi.. got a message from mad abril.. loving my review and he said hes excited to read my article for the next issue. sobrang saya. went to che, watched a lil of pbb, then gabby said "i want to be a painter AND a drummer when i grow up." :D dads smiling so big.

now im here in front of my pc. getting all 10 episodes ng smallville season 5. what more could i ask for. i love you papa god. :)

cueshe manager slams hale.

this is convenient. since this faggot was all sumbungero... he did not even think that reacting about the MAGANDANG UMAGA PILIPINAS hale performance (in which they played a line from silverchair's greatest view) was a disaster of admitting that theyve been affected by the "alleged" (hahahahahahahahaha. alleged daw amp. nagmalinis pa) ripping off. oh wait... mr. myke sarthou... lets try to listen to the cure's "letter to elise"... i guess your cueshe's intro for sorry sounded a lil familiar. oh wait. you said cueshe's a "top40 band" before and hasang hasa na sila... they denied they know silverchair. oh man thats lame and sad. alam mo kung san sila hasa... sa panggagaya at pambabastos ng fans. i may not have a personal grudge against them... but believe me, ive got three other friends who had a first-hand experience of your jay there.

enjoy the link guys.
manila bulletin online article.

im not a fan of the media circus. pero kung ganito ang gagawin ng mga managers para makuha nila ang loob ng sambayanan (not to mention their lame attempt of "im-gonna-tell-sa-homeboy-na-driver-ako-dati-with-matching-iyak"), lets expect a new show competing maalala mo kaya or magpakailanman. and cueshe as your regular letter reader. oh maybe a performance after the show.

"Paano silang magiging sought-after when according to their own website, they only have seven to eight gigs per month? At least ang Cueshe, araw-araw may show that pays well. Hale is managed by their record label and if one is going to use common sense, then they are probably mostly booked for shows that just sell the album. Then again, common sense is not so common." - ako nga nadapa e. huhuhuhuhu. do we really have to correct him with the seven/eight gig per month? he couldve done some good research before yakking like a fuckless poodle. and shit about defining common sense. id rather talk to ms melanie marquez than this labandera/palengkera-like fag.

a personal note to ms./mr. myke whoever... as i would quote you that cueshe would never point out the merits of their song because that's something "real artists" dont do.. because dear.. you have to define whats a real artist first. the fact to the matter is... they never were.

respect will be a lot hard for you to earn by now. and its really hard to have co-workers in the industry that dont like your band's attitude and the materials they create. and a few knocks to that big empty skull of yours.. you will never EVER get the respect youve been blabbing for. ever.

you are but a badmouthed ambitious pity-party-junkie attention-hungry son of a bitch. (and as much as i wanted to run over a few adjectives.. itd never be enough)

stop being such a wuss. you look like you want a career after managing huh. im sorry but jobert sucaldito and john lapuz could takeover the buzz just in case mr abunda and ms aquino retires. so lets just shut the banghole now. hush hush.

the gone.

after my pc gone mad.... i was close of being insane as well. hindi naman ako naging busy. i just watched smallville the whole two weeks. and nalinis ko ang kwarto ko, my closet is now jampacked again with clean clothes, finished devil may cry 3 twice and some issues na very surprising.

tuesday morning... my mother called at around 10am. namatay daw yung childhood friend ko. he was shot three times sa may tindahan nila sa mismong bahay lang nila. according to the investigators... professional killer daw kasi yung bullet na ginamit sa kanya eh yung mahal na sumasabog pa raw. hanggang ngayon wala kaming lead dahil mashadong malihim ang taong yon. i was dumbfounded and suddenly burst into tears. napakatagal ko na atang umiyak para sa mga lumisan. i just hate mournings. iniisip ko, maybe i was just going along with the drama. kaya inubos ko na sa bahay ang pag-iyak. coz everything just flashed. sabay kasi kaming lumaki. our moms are best of friends until nung nagaway sila dahil sa business. and he was the one who made a way para magkausap sila. nung naholdap din ako last 2001, sha rin ang naghanap kung taga saan yung holduppers. hinunting nya pero i just told him na wag ng galawin at baka mapano pa sya. in fact, he's one of the nicest friends ive had, too bad we grew apart. pero sa tuwing magkikita kami... lahat ata ng storya sa buhay ko nakkwento ko. wala akong tinatago. ganun ako kakampante.

grief after somebody who died is always the common mistake i thought. mas maraming problema sa mundo. mabuti nga yung tapos na. pero when i saw him lying there... i cant believe umiyak uli ako. coz again and again... alam kong hindi sha dapat namatay sa ganong paraan. kung iisipin nyong gagawa ng ilegal yun, hindi rin talaga. may prinsipyo ang taong yon. may mga naisip na rin ako kung bat may gumawa sa kanya nun kahit wala shang kaaway. at lahat kaming naging kaibigan nya... iisa lang ang naiisip.

and to break the ice... may sisiw dun sa casket nya. lumang kasabihan para daw mabagabag ang kunsensya ng pumatay. sabi ng isang 25 yr-old-girl.. "bakit po may sisiw? favorite nya ba yun? *sobrang wondering face*", she was asking my friend's mom. sa isip ko... "eh pano ako giraffe yung favorite ko?"

*pause. somebody just called*

*poof*

bubuy is again alive and kicking. unfortunately... ako naman ang kailangang matulog. napakaraming opinyon hmmmm. humanda ka keyboard. bugbog ka mamaya paggising ko.

edited 11:10 am

i posted a long email sending it as a special notice in our yahoogroup. to my disbelief... i got this reply... it woke me up AT pinatulan ko.

xavier: (i posted a long one so yung excerpt lang ng pinuna nya ang ipopost ko.) "...lets give them the rest, the time and the space they really deserve. hindi po sila de baterya na gaya nung unggoy na may hawak na cymbals. sila po ay marunong mapagod. may mga moods at may mga mahal sa buhay na nahihirapan sa mga pasaway jan..."

katrina reyes: "i think bunny rabbit ung may batteries...energizer battery..."

xavier: "it was originally the monkey with cymbals. energizer just adapted the idea."

katrina reyes: "but you were referring to the battery-run thingy right... the monkey was a wind up toy...its never been battery operated..."

xavier: "wow and it was a big deal huh.
http://toytent.com/TrueReplica/4230.html and since youve said it has NEVER BEEN battery operated... i guess this would be a big help. enjoy the link. :)"

katrina reyes: "looks like it was a big deal for you..."

xavier: "oo naman. :) since being corrected over a very petty thing is annoying and yet a bit amusing. lalo na kung mali naman yung issues nya.

my bad. did i ruin your morning?"

and sadly... i didnt get a reply. some people are just so dense. weirder thing... minsan masarap patulan. lol

crashed into me.

my PC crashed last friday. i accidentally kicked on the AVR then the power surged, affecting my power supply and the motherboard. hooray xavier. ur such a genius.

havent posted everything yet.

THURSDAY: met up with claire and dea at starbucks g4. the very reliable me left my wallet when i was along ayala avenue. so thank god claire paid for my cab fare. (luv u so much i dunno whats gonna happen to me that time.) i really wanted to go back home but theyve wasted so much time waiting for me. so after talking, i went home, waited for champ to text me, and went back to greenbelt PASHA (shameless plugging: the food's really great! if u want shawarma with a lotta class... go to this resto) with mr. walking shorts and got boozed up with 3 robitussin-like shots and a glass of red wine. maike evers, nicole and her friend twinkle was there too. and thats where everything stopped. coz after`that weird drink, i cant remember anythin anymore. pics will be posted sometime this weekend.

FRIDAY: went to eastwood for the repackaged album launch. dea and i ate at teriyaki boy. and sig sanchez just referred me to a mag plus zobel backing me up, making me a cd reviewer(is that the term?) so im a freelance writer as well (and guess what... UPDHARMADOWN will be the first band that ill be reviewing in my very first published article. OMG OMG OMG) yey. then after losing my lighter, (yeah that was my 3rd zippo lighter) wawa , kymie and her cuzin, anna , don , nina and i went to FATSFATS to go sing our lungs out. (or should i just speak for myself?)

SATURDAY: went out with trish, ivan , yeshyee and ona . yep. KTV uli. 5 freakin hours. sino bang hindi manlalata paguwi.

SUNDAY: eto im using my sisters laptop. scanned for viruses and spywares and wow. if i could just convert it to dollars i think i could buy a BMW. and that sdbot worm is really annoying. i cant remove that pesky binary pest.

so kaya wala ako sa kung saan saan sa cyberworld, friends. bubuy is in coma.

yeh.

we're finally done with the video shoot. my parts kinda short so it wasnt a biggie. just scared that some people here in our place might notice me there. lol anyway...

we started the shoot last sunday. and since we were really short of time and that fort bonifacio thing happened, we had to resked our shots for yesterday. so , , , , , , , , , , , , gladys and pepper went to the studion last night and waited 3 hours for our shots. natapos ng almost 430am then nagpunta kami nina wawa, nina and anna sa mr. kabab. :D

claire woke me up. may ultimate lakad kami bukas. :D

pics will be posted sometime this week. tamad talaga ako ngayon.

edited: 150AM, march 2



i posted the tollgate video shoot pics at my multiply. marami pang dadagdag dun e.