.....

i hurt. i tremble. and this would be the last time i would tell a soul about this. this has been a carousel of bad things, we kept on riding for the sake of false hopes. until we became nauseous. and now were throwing up so bad.

my world fell apart since i was 14. that is how life took my lead. life is beautiful. overwhelming. if pain makes it more challenging, well, i have been challenged until my soul wanted to get away of my sanity.

i have hurt you for many times. what makes it more sad, i do it unintentionally. i wasnt even aware of this needle i kept on pricking onto you. u bled without any arguments. until spews of reality came out. u burst like an overblown balloon. and the only word i can use as defense is silence. because... your truth was that overlooked ignorance i held for so long.

since everything crashed down, you were the only thing im clinging onto. and now, you gently break into pieces. now im falling into this pit of broken dreams, broken promises and broken memories. and how it hurts so bad. and what can i do? just wait in vain.

i wasnt the kind that take things for granted. until you made me realize that i already am. 6 years ago, i hated myself for who i was. you taught me how to love. you made the sky my lucid turquoise canopy. but it turned out so bad. after all, i never thought i just loved myself for the courtesy of you loving me until that day. we both know that we dont love ourselves on such special way like before, and its much painful that i made it like that. now the sky is just an ominous big waste of space. and i am the person i hate.

so stop. coz this guilt that eats my identity makes me more vulnerable to tears. and again, i would want to have the hurt on my skin than under it. i try to stop myself. but thats just me. prone of hurting myself and anyone.

i want this to end right here and now. this has been the biggest leap of acceptance i have made. so no punctuations please. just period.

im tired. so are you. and again, silence is the only word i have.