forty four sunsets

i churn everytime your memory brushes in the back of my head.
because i seriously dont want to think about you anymore. believe me,
im not a big fan of bitterness. its just that theres this part of me
that has been dying to burn since you left me unnoticed. i also try to
freudly psychoanalyze what has happened and now i just embraced the
fact that there are a lot of things that shouldnt be lingering around
my head anymore. thank god for sanity.

were there any dreams shattered? coz the entrails of my heart
believed that i never encouraged plans with you. although i hoped for
the best that this would never end. i am always wounded, not that i
overevaluate things, but i just sense a pattern that maybe... some
things are really not meant for me. happiness is a very big word, trust
me. and i noticed that i am the type that was caught between being the
small-things-could-make-me-happy kind to being the uncontented.

...at ang jacket mong nabubulok sa sulok, na inaalikabok na sa lungkot... as
ebe dancel sings in my player... i thought of.. what the fuck, this is
not highschool. i am not gonna go sappy over a song out of being
nostalgic or whatever that is. it creeped all over my nerves, heart
goes heavy, and i try to stop my tears to fall. but i couldnt. coz in
every corner of this room are all of your little things that i couldnt
make myself gather and throw away. not that i expect for you to come
back and go pretend that everything will be alright by then.

it will never be alright.

coz no matter how beautiful this sunset is in front me.. no matter
how many kites fly around the pink and purple sky, no matter how long i
try to hold on that image that my heart could not contain... it will
still end. and maybe theres the big possibility of tomorrow's sunrise..
but the kites that flew, the sky that mid-afternoon, and the perfect warmth
of the sunset that very instance... will never ever be the same.

though i would be wishing for forty-four sunsets just to make myself
hold on to that surreal moment.. something tells.. that will never ever
be granted.