unsent.

how are you? how's work there? it seemed that you don't get tired whenever you get home from the office. oh by the way, i think i topped at my english 8. got flat 1.

sorry i've been such a rotten brat for 18 years. sorry ive never reached your standards. and all i did is to rebel against your system and house rules. it has been a long time since i supressed my opinions about everything you decided for me. and too bad i grew up scared instead of following your rules coz of respect. it was too late when i realized that its really for my own good. which i always doubt when you tell me that. remember the 1000 bucks that got lost in your pocket, and you asked mom about it then you argued? ya its me who took it. i bought a pretty darn good sandals. well... im not really sorry i took it. your wallet was kinda thick that day. kidding.

remember when you asked me to come with you at the coca cola plant at bulacan? when you showed me that you were the engineer who made it. then you asked me to bring a coleman so i can have free royal tru orange. unlimited. hahahahaa. shit. i can still recall how dorky i was then. when we were about to go home, something smelled like rubber and it sounded that there's something flapping outside the car. then the car went wobbly and weird so we decided to stop and check the tires. it was the right back tire. it exploded. then you taught me how to change tires. can u still remember all that? that was the only day that got us talking. and smiling at each other. just a day for how many years.

i know you love me. but why did i grow up hating you? and it was soooo late when i knew everything. that you kept on bragging about me to your office mates. the reason that my report card gets lost for a day, is you bring it to your office, showing them off how intelligent your son is (which is exactly the opposite). that you put down the offer of you being the vice president of your company, so you won't get preoccupied and it might eat your time for your family. for us. why didn't you make us feel special? why didn't you become transparent of loving us? now i regretted all the things i've said. and i even wished you to die. which eventually came true after two weeks, 2 days before mom's birthday. and a million sorry is not enough for you to be back again.

i sometimes cry coz i miss you so much. and i haven't given you anything back. you gave almost everything that i wanted. and i never gave something in return. i took your presence for granted. i made you look bad. that you're irresponsible, airhead, and overlly fucking strict. but you're not. you just did what you have to do. and i took it wrong.

i miss the dinners, when no one will eat if we're not complete. i miss ate's and my time table stuck on the refrigerator. so you can check on us every single second of the day. i miss you, pa. i miss our family being complete and happy. the ones i didn't give any importance before. i never knew what i've got til it's gone. i miss you. and this will be the first time i will say this. too bad you can't hear it. i love you so much. i miss us.

happy fathers day, pa.