*

What did it mean to be crazy?

People would say for example, that certain sportsmen were crazy because they wanted to break records, or that artists were crazy because they led such strange insecure lives, different from the lives of "normal" people. Then there are people who had often seen pushing supermarket trolleys full of plastic bags and rags and proclaiming the end of the world.

"...insanity is the inability to communicate your ideas. its as if you were in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything thats going on around you but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there."

"We've all felt that."

"And all of us, one way or another, are insane."

veronika decides to die
-paulo coelho

bad day.

is it everybody? or am i entirely the word mistake made in human form?

due to some very very personal reasons, i had a very bad day. i broke down again and i cant help it anymore. my mom and i had a fight again. (wuz new?) she wanted to wake me up coz we have to buy stuff for the renovated bathroom and kitchen. and since i only slept for around 1 hour, i cant just stand and do the hokey pokey like im uber excited. in the first place, i cant go outside the door without taking a bath (since our bathroom's under repair, i have to go to my sisters house.. yadda yadda.. and my mom wont like delays. so in short, i am a sleepless, batheless, morning glorified freak going to deal with chinese tinderos/as so.. it cant happen.) and since (again) she knew the colors and how the things looked like, she can go there and haggle with it herself. but no, she chose another color, (in fairness, white mixes with everything. but the supposed color was blue) and i freaked out to look on a door with a fish-stained glass. ew. i said plain. is it hard to tell it to the chinese peeps. no. she just wanted it her way. just to annoy me i guess. and when i commented with everything i saw, she blamed me and told me im not helping. so i just shut up like a spoiled brat, went to my room, talked to my sister and cried. (thats not just the deal, those were just the things that triggered everything and my sanity, crashing down.)

and i had another thing that ruined my entire day, i called a band practice coz our drummer was around. i texted aia and tim that i cant go tonight coz of that, went typing and stuff for our playlist, then just gene and marv was around. the bassist, i dunno where the hell is he. but i am so pissed off. and since rico quoted claremont about jean grey, "..the person who tries so hard to be strong that she sometimes forget she's human."

im in human mode from now on. lived to hurt. to decide. to defend. and i dont give a fuckin care if i also hurt others. a dog eat dog world? *shrug*

hangganan.

nangusap ka na ba sa kumpol ng batong nilumot? itinanong kung hanggang saan ang taas ng pangarap na ipukol sila para makita ang munting iglap ng ganda?

ang lalim ng karagatan na mababaw para sa buhangin, naramdaman mo n ba?

nakakatawang inaabot ng katauhan ang langit. pinagisipan ang mga laruang nakakayanang labanan ang pababang hila ng mundo. nagdasal para makarating lang sa malaking asul na kumot habang hawak ang mga bituing ikinandado ang mga hiling na di natupad. mga patawad na hindi naipadala. mga tanong na hindi nagtutugma.

nilalabanan ang katotohanang ang langit na inaasam, pag narating, may patutunguhan pa. nag-aagawan sa init at dilim na hindi namin gugustuhin ninuman. at hindi kailanman papangarapin.

gusto ba talaga ng lahat mapunta ng langit? o impyerno lang ang gustong takasan? mundo lang ang gustong lutangan? pero ang totoong langit, hindi talaga pansin. hindi tinitingala, hindi nililingon.

dahil sa iba, langit ang apoy na maaaring idaan sa takas. sayaw sa baga, na hindi nilubayan. nangapa sa dilim para makakita, ng hindi gumagamit ng liwanag.

mga emosyong luha ang itinatangis sa ibang nakangiti. nakangiti sa mga luhang itinatangis.

nasaan ba ang langit?

[none]

ok. here it goes again.

i have been really busy editing some pictures. i was supposed to post my poems and those pix but i always lose my diskette. twice. (oh so dumb)

i thought i promised to stay off alcohol. but on a monday night, i had a bottle with josh, marvin and jr.

speaking of malate (in which i didnt know what part i mentioned it), last sunday, josh, teena, marv, jr, jon and i went to abhie and i's regular "shisha"-an. (shisha - an arabian tobacco, puffed in a weird instrument invented by a lampshade maker i suppose, or a big water pipe, in which called as "bong" here in da pilipins. bong, on the other hand, is used for juti prut, if u know what i mean)

monday: deja vu

funny thing, marv was really angry when she saw teena and us having shisha on jr's phone video. thought we were having an illegal thing going on. but it seemed like, he was more addicted than anyone.

gene showed us his brand new powder-smelling acoustic guitar. neat. he also made me hear those new songs in our acoustic playlist. which consists of 91 songs as of the moment. we're still trying to beat ipod's capability.