people.

we meet people. in the most ordinary and in the strangest ways. i myself, during this journey.. i have met and showed the real me. no pretentions. i just let my heart do the things it wanted me to do. no self-intentions until..

i tried having as many friends as i wanted. ive met a thousand people trust me but it went down to not more than twenty. not everybody knew i cried about that. its so weird that i am too emotional about having people a part of my life. i find having new friends larger than anything i could ever wanted.

but just months had passed, everything changed. i took some rest, caught up with everything ive left in my life.. then everything is like the beginning again. i didnt know them at all. its so weird. like.. theres this awkward feeling in the air that exudes whenever i talk to them. some.. havent changed at all, then missed like im really.. special. and thats what everybody wanted right? we wanted to be needed. we wanted to be a "someone" to some people's hearts. but this world really sucked. majority of who lives in it just goes on without looking back.

i offered myself to everybody ive met. until it seemed like i was too much of a help. i dont know if ive offended anyone.. but i really felt sorry when it happened. im not paranoid. i just know what i feel. and believe me.. i know when a person is already annoyed by my presence. i dont seek attention as well. i just wanted to feel.. needed. i am actually not expecting anything in return.

sometimes.. its so weird that people lose respect to some. they step out of the chalk line everybody draws. doesnt anyone do that? like.. we have the golden rule right? then if you dont want to be offended.. dont offend. its the simplest rule ive known.

some.. became abusive. okay, we label ourselves as "friends" but dont maximize the benefits. do we really have to check out each other's limitations? its too sad coz im the kind of a person that quits easily. once you hurt me.. i will never EVER give you a chance of hurting me again.

now here is the benefit of the doubt gone bad. when some people think im stupid, i may play dumb, but.. think again. and again. once a favor.. say the magic word. please. coz i never owe anyone anything. trust me on that. now.. i hate some people ive met. they think they're good, cool, but they're the word ABUSE personified. especially the ones who thinks they can get away with ANYTHING. oh i badly wanted to drop names.. but still.. i dont wanna hurt anyone. i am still fuckingly hopeful, that they werent aware of what they are doing. but its sooo bad, they thought it was as normal as their everyday life before. kids, check your diaries and start from january. check if i already existed in there. if within those dates.. my name wasnt there.. think if I deserve to be treated when weve only met for months. coz i am fucking sure.. I HATE YOU AS OF THIS MOMENT I AM WRITING THIS.

i can live with all my friends from before. and i am eternally grateful for people ive met by now. some, i mean. coz within this timespan, some people have done the biggest things that made me happy. just by being sincere and humble. oh you know who you are.

i think what i need is to focus. coz ive left the people more important than anything and i am so sorry i made them wait. but thats the point.. they waited. and they never expected anything in return from me.

so lets please respect each other when it comes to a lot of things. coz ive given enough already. and the keyword there is enough.