happy birthday pa.

its my dads birthday. and its the first time that ive seen myself whole heartedly praying the rosary with all my sisters' kids, my uncle, gabby and che. i know he's somehow smiling that all his grandchildren misses him. gabby asked.. "mama... di ba kasama na ni god si lolo? bakit may birthday pa sha? may cake ba sa heaven..?" che and me just looked at each other... me stopping myself to be oh-so-frigginly-mushy while cheche trying to say yes. i miss mom too. well shes somewhere in cebu now.

since im beginning this entry dramatically, (which i cant stop since this is my lj and the hell i care), i really miss everybody now. i feel so empty. i wanted to let go of this kind of lifestyle and try to be a 9-hour fulltime office worker. ill get a car, try to have my own house, and start all over again. too bad ill miss the gig life, chatting, and some non-productive things that ate my quarter life. and all the friends i gained during those fun times.

about my relationships... i dunno. everything is really not working out. maybe im always the wrong person. im such a quitter. and i cant believe i could afford to be a perfectionist. one wrong answer.. BAM!... i doubt. yet... i try not to be such a fuckin idealist. argh i hate myself.

i just needed to be alone again. i mean from everything. start from scratch, evaluate everything, workout, quit smoking, have some focus, and dream again.

demmit.

ok. babawan na natin. nappsychohan nako sa sarili ko. dianne, whey, josh, marv and teena cleaned up my room again. changed the sheets of my bed, my curtain and my closet. they got some old clothes that i have to let go since i was kinda thin then. and now it fits josh. hahaha. and after that, my sister, uncle, che, gabby and the kids came over to have some dinner then prayed. at eto ako ngayon naglalaba, nabbwisit sa ulan dahil alam kong matagl to matutuyo. ayoko talagang magpa laundry. natatakot ako. basta ayoko. tsaka sayang pera. mas magaling pakong magwashing machine sa kanila. bat bako di matutong magkusot. oras pang masira nila favorite shirts ko kahit gutay gutay na... galit na galit talaga ako. basta ayoko. hmf.

ayus naman sa itinerary ko bukas. *sigh*

2pm: rob galleria, meeting with the head for our event on the 23rd.
4pm: rob ermita with imago
6pm: st scholastica with imago
8pm: greenbelt with kitt, and abhie
10pm: malate pero sila pa rin.

bat kailangang ibuhos lahat yun ng isang araw.

my condolensces to chill nga pala, her mom passed away. :(

sige laba muna ako. baka mag-chat na naman ako wala akong mapala.

(edited july 14 1245pm)

got this from :

Does your name begin with: X

You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.

********************

DECEMBER

Loyal and generous
Patriotic
Active in games and interactions
Impatient and hasty
Ambitious
Influential in organizations
Loves to socialize
Loves praises
Loves attention
Loves to be loved
Honest and trustworthy
Not pretending
Short tempered and egoistic
Takes high pride in oneself
Hates restrictions
Loves to joke
Good sense of humor
Logical
********************


wow. O_o kakasabi ko lang.