Triangle.

Choices. A fact of life where everything could be black or white. good or bad. right or wrong. and the antagonist of it is impulse. I am known for being impulsive just to end a whole afternoon wondering or a month even. sometimes its not my emotions that control my impulses. its my weary mind. nakakapagod mamili. nakakapagod magisip. nagtataka nga ako, kung lahat ng dapat nating gawin ay mabuti, e di magiging masama.

ive actually pondered that if you want to end the suffering, then take a risk to decide. yun nga lang pag nagdecide ka... dapat maisip mo na pwedeng palalain ang suffering nung desisyon. yung tipong... okay... madaling magpatawad, at pwede mong maisip na pwedeng ibalik agad lahat sa dati... pero maibabalik nga ba? or yung tipong pag may nagkamali, bingo agad. does it realy deserve the phrase "second chance" kung hindi naman talaga buo yung chance na binibigay? o ganun lang talaga kakonti ang chance?

i also dont know how to let go of the obsession of checking things up. if somebodys still ym-ing, swapping text messages, leaving friendster comments, checking pictures... and still, everyday, i get to read about it. i get to see things about what they feel or react on some updates about her. and it still hurts me. i cant even stop myself, i feel like im totally deluded.

Persuasion. its either im persuaded to just forget things or to understand that its nothing. its something. its not that easy to forget either. and everytime im alone... here i am talking about it. persuaded that im loved by using BIG LINES like..

"mas lalo kong nalaman na para ka sakin. na ikaw lang ang taong kaya kong mahalin ng ganito. pinagdadasal ko lang na sana... ako yung para sayo. na kahit hindi ko pa sigurado, tinatanggap ko, na hindi. pero gabi gabi kong iniiyak na masabi mo uli lahat sakin yun. na para ako sa yo."

Akala ng lahat, mas maraming choices, mas masaya. Parang grocery lang. Tipong if youre on the right lane, and witness the product competition, you get to pick what fits your needs. na akala ng lahat, nakakataba ng ego yon. na nakakaup ng self-esteem. kaya nga naiisip ko na rin, bakit yung iba, kayang bumitaw lang ng basta basta? bakit ako, umaasa sa bagay na hindi ko naman dapat asahan? na nasabi ko ng hindi ako babalik, pero eto ako nagiisip. tangang nagpupuyat para magisip.


motherucking shit i am so lost.