Ever After.

Im drunk. i went to cena to just drown on alcohol. literally. i went there at around 12mn coz "gabby's mom" and i fought ON EMAIL for the first time. with the words ive never thought shed be using. with the things ive never thought id be saying. its one big mess of a word vomit.

lucky for her she doesnt care about what would people think about her. because she has the reason why she did it, she said. its because of me. its because of the things that i lacked. its because of the things i havent done yet. its because she is so tired of everything in her life because im in it.

one thing i just dont understand, why would she resort on cheating? it doesnt resolve anything. its so simple that she could break up with me totally before doing it. but it wasnt. she was telling i love yous, i kiss her. but was it all an act? i dont get it. my head hurts. i really dont get it. i kept on thinking why would she do that. if she wants that guy so bad, why not tell me. she knows i could be easily talked to, but again thats what ive thought. she also said that i really didnt care about her problems. stories. why would i do that? GOD I LOVE HER. WHY COULDNT GOD SHOW HER WHAT HE KNOWS?! but i know in my heart that god is doing his part. only she, ignores it.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH BUT I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. i cant. i just cant, because i cant anymore. i havent suffered this kind of pain in my life so now, it kills me little by little.

since youve been reading my journal, ive wrote my last email to you for 2 hours. i am posting everything because the world knows how much i loved you. and my friends are worthy to know why our love couldnt have a happy ending anymore. and now, because of this, happily ever after doesnt exist anymore. its so sad that i believed in fairy tales.

i love you. and i dont know what to do with this.