Red.

i had a drink last night. i went out and went to jim's computer shop then there they were having lots of bottles of beer. i was wearing my checkered pajamas and bedroom slipper. i was just supposed to buy iced tea and yeah... beer was a lot better. (but im allergic to beer so ugh)

and wtf... everybody was having LOVE problems. i told tricia on the phone that the emotional rollercoaster that im in is too drastic coz one week is not enough to fix myself, and they asked me... how could i just be ok for one week? i said... i am ok. im always ok. but deep inside im not. i could just make it obvious whenever those bars inside me couldnt contain that feeling i suppressed. i hate drama. i really do. a human being has a LOT of emotions, indulging on too much drama might be harmful for our emotional, mental and physical health. and once the dramatic flu is there in you and its starting to get so obviously annoying for everyone else, the perfect medicine is resolution.

if some things could make you sad, dont just distract yourself and get yourself busy. go indulge. enjoy. indulge on that feeling for a couple of days alone, dont forget to stay rational and logical. think before you do things. if you cant do it alone, grab a friend. and IF youre friends arent available, try to ALWAYS think that everybody got lives, problems, and the only way to make them offer their help is to ASK.

and as of forgiveness, of course we all know na "ang DIYOS nga nagpapatawad e". but it doesnt mean that we can do this overnight. (and for the record, i hate it when people say that. like they are so holy they could offer their other cheek.) lets not live in hatred and dont forget to weigh things out. lets not abuse the power of love, that when one person loves us, and forgave us, lets try to think that it wasnt easy for them to just forget things for our sake.  same thing for us. OA na ang selfish. nakakapalan na ako masyado sa mukha. balance people. balance.

i did not say we should do this perfectly. we may forget some coz of the anger, and the hatred, (and again HATE is such a big word to use. lets be careful on that) but a second it subsides, try talking to yourself that its enough. that words couldnt be taken back even if we apologize. it just fuels the fire.

and by posting this, its not the "outside" xavier who is talking. this is for myself too. this is for everyone. thank you subconscious. lets hug ourselves lol.

the color of anger and love is confusing. so as much as possible, we should learn how to segregate them from each other.